So I am 5 days out. Aside from no appetite I've been fine and getting fluid/soup in ok. Today I blended and strained some black bean soup then added milk. After a few spoonfuls I got a weird pain in my shoulder and EAR. Weird right? Is this referred pain?

Yes, that's referred pain because the nerves that run to your diaphragm also go through your shoulder. Did you get a hiatal hernia repair at the same time? That can cause it. However I'd actually recommend you call your doctor about this. Shoulder pain past day 3 my surgeon seemed to want to hear about.

My shoulder pain lasted 2 weeks post op

I get the shoulder and ear pain every night when I sleep. What is referred pain?

I was told it was referred pain due to gas and hernia repair. It was horrible, but it does stop

It goes away. Hang in there! All normal!

Referred pain means that stimulus on one area of the body is causing perceived pain in another area of the body other than where the stimulus is occurring. This is normally because the nerves that run through the area that is being stimulated also run through the other area. However ear pain is surprising to me as I can't remember off the top of my head any nerves that run through both areas... though I am familiar with some that run back to the same spinal paths, so that could be it...

In any case that kind of nerve confusion is why if an amputee is having phantom itching on their amputated arm they can scratch their nose and it goes away.

My doctor told me that if the pain only occurs when eating (I had a similar experience right after moving to puree) then it's probably an indication that I ate too much or that my bites were too big and to use that as a way to know what my body's limits were and not push them so as not to stretch or damage anything. If they're only happening when you're lying down then probably the shift in direction changes pressure on things and pushes against the diaphragm. With my doctor's office what they were concerned about was that shoulder pain that doesn't go away (non-transient) after you finish digesting or whatever after day 3 or so can be a symptom of a complication. So they did want to hear about it if it happened.