I am mad at myself for getting to the point where I have to have weight loss surgery. Mad at myself for eating like I do. Mad at myself because in the early 90's, I was once told I had the flattest stomach of anyone they had ever seen. Mad at, myself for losing the weight when I was 172 lbs and got down to 130 and gained it back, Mad at myself for being 217 pounds and losing it down to 168 and gaining back even more. Mad at myself for knowing that I will no longer have the flat stomach, but saggy skin. Mad at myself because my bra size was a 34a and it is now 46dd. Mad at myself for gaining so much weight that I waddle like a duck when I walk mad at myself because I know my body is a temple of the Holy Ghost and I have not been good to that temple.

It is just just 90 lbs, can I do it on my own? I question this.

This is my mood right now on top of my weight issues, I have asthma, I belch, cough loud, I have Tourette's and ADHD. My eyes are bad and I have vision problems that LASIK can't correct. I have plantar fasciitis. Mad at myself for being tired and not being able to get to work on time.

I am just starting this process and I am grateful for all of you and your support where I will not be judged for being over weight. I am an overcomer and through God, I will get through this.

I hear you - and I'm just starting too... someone said -- if you could lose that 90 on your own you would have.... so perhaps this is the TOOL you need.

And with your spirit, @@spiritfilled, you WILL get through this! No if's, WILL's!!! We all feel the same, we all want to help ourselves. I'm so glad you came here! Now, let the past be and STAY in the past, ONTO THE FUTURE!

So many people here are nodding their heads as you tell your story. Gaining, losing, food abuse and the anger at ourselves. It took me 62 years and a laundry list of health problems to bring me to WLS last December.

Forgiveness is a powerful gift and Gods grace has already been given to you. You know that. Forgive yourself and move forward.

I realized the Lord has more for me to do in my life but I need my health to do it. With 65 lbs gone my health has returned in a way I did not know was even possible! I have a ways to go but am no longer in fear of regaining it all as I did in the past. I am energized and expectant to see what the future brings.

WLS is not an easy path. Those who have walked it know this. You will need all your inner strength on the journey. Let go of the past. Love yourself as God does and move forward with confidence.

Tell me what good all this self directed anger is doing for you?

Is it helping you lose weight? Is it helping your stress levels, your blood pressure, your tics? Is it good for your self esteem, your mood, your sense of well being?

If you had a bad appendix, would you be mad at yourself? How about loss of hearing? Would you be mad at yourself if you needed brain surgery for a tumor? Eye surgery for a cataract?

You need help. WLS may very well be your answer. If losing/maintaining weight was that easy for every person, we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic. Stop beating yourself up and be thankful that this opportunity is available to you. Use it. What you are doing to yourself emotionally is not at all helpful and is most likely detrimental to your good health and efforts.

Stop it. Fix it. Move on with your life.

You might just as well be mad at the world for having unrealistic expectations of body image. Or mad at everyone on this site for being in the same boat and experiencing the same frustrations.

You've tried and failed repeatedly to lose weight and maintain that loss on your own. The key word here being "tried". That's commendable, not shameful. Now if you'd never made any attempts to lose weight that might be grounds for self blame. But you have. We all have. It doesn't work, not long term, and that's been proven. We wouldn't be here if it weren't.

I think your energies would be better spent focusing on the future, rather than dwelling on the past. It a no win situation when you start to travel down that road. Not to mention lonely as h*ll. If you really want to focus on "gaining" instead of weight, contemplate the gain of a new lease on life and health that WLS will bring.

Good luck!

Try not to be so hard on your self. We have all gained and lost and gained and lost. I thought the same thing as you, I can lose this on my own. My friends are mostly nurses and did not encourage my surgery choice. But I have to say that it was the best decision I have ever made! I feel great!

I used to say I can't hit 200, then it was 250 and my final straw was hitting 300. I'm mad I let myself get this big too. But we can't go back we can only move forward! Don't look back at why you got where you are. There is help in surgery to get you to where you want to be. It's not easy but it is worth it!

I had my surgery on 4/17 so only 12 days ago. I have lost 50 lbs since Dec 30. When you finally hit the point where you are tired of the weight you will be strong to go thru this process.

So get positive it helps:) and good luck!

I used to say I can't hit 200, then it was 250 and my final straw was hitting 300. I'm mad I let myself get this big too. But we can't go back we can only move forward! Don't look back at why you got where you are. There is help in surgery to get you to where you want to be. It's not easy but it is worth it!

This is where I was exactly. 6 lbs from tipping the scales at #300 did it.

FORGIVENESS. Without it weight lose surgery will just be another temporary crutch. Change your perspective. You CAN do this.

Thank you everyone for the support and encouragement. All of you are 100% correct. We all need honesty but not in a harsh way and you were kind and supportive.

I guess I was having one of those moments and I will probably have them again.