I just borrowed $6000 for my surgery and made out the check to the clinic. I'm hungry and I'm scared and now I'm deeper in debt.

I'm pre-op diet down to less than 800 calories a day, and I don't think I'm going to be able to lose the additional 7 lbs they want me to take off before surgery. It took me two weeks to lose the first 7 lbs.

And I'm hungry.

Did I mention I'm hungry?

I go to bed hungry, I wake up in the middle of the night to pee and I'm hungry, I go back to bed hungry, and then I wake up and go to work hungry.

The shakes used to fill me up for 2-3 hours, now it's only 1 hour.

I thought I had a handle on all this, but now I'm worried. What if it doesn't go well? What if I don't breeze through like so many others do? What if I'm the one that has a leak? What if my saggy, baggy body totally turns off my boyfriend and any other man I ever meet? What if I die alone in Mexico (how like a lurid novel that sounds!)? What if I'm eaten by a bear?

What if I lose my job and can't pay off my debt?

What if I don't lose weight? I'm 90% compliant with the pre-op diet (three shakes @ 165 cals each, a bowl of lettuce with 0 cal/0 carb dressing, and a cup of broth that swells my ankles.) The 10% I'm non-compliant is that sometimes at night I have three slices of deli-ham, 70 cals and 0 carbs.

I need some encouragement, or a swift kick in the tuckus...

Friends, help!

My friend, it's a HUGE commitment and a major life change - if you didn't have moments of second thoughts, I'd worry about you! And everything seems so much more difficult when you're hungry.

What I CAN tell you is that, statistically speaking, there's a REALLY good chance everything is going to be just fine. All those feelings you've got now are normal.

Yesterday I read a story about an agoraphobic woman who left her house for the first time in 10 years and fell in a sinkhole - no joke! The truth is, I kind of went into surgery feeling like that would be me. I'd finally try something drastic to take control, and be the anomaly that ends up with complications or bigger than I started. Neither thing happened, and other than 3 weeks of a nagging pain in my right side and a monster case of what felt like morbid constipation, it all turned out alright. I have two regrets - getting myself in the position of NEEDING surgery, and waiting so damn long to do it.

I wish you had someone to go with you. Heck, if I had two nickels to rub together right now and some time off work, I'D go, lol. But if you can get past the jitters and go for it anyway, I think you're going to be really happy that you did!

OK ... first of all ... take a deep breath! Please don't feel that you're alone ... we're all in this together, and being here and talking with others will really help.

I'm due for surgery next week ... April 30th. I have been excited about this surgery for a long time. Every now and then I think to myself, "Will I be able to go out to dinner with friends ever again"? I'm sure all the thoughts you're having ... and the stress ... is normal.

When I start to think about all the what ifs, I remind myself of why I'm doing this in the first place. I think of my health issues that will be helped or completely gone after this surgery. I think of being able to comfortably put on socks without having to throw one leg at a time up on the bed ... I think of being able to walk again without feeling out of breath. I want to be able to not worry about the size of a chair when I go out, or to an office for an appt. I want to experience not feeling like I'm the largest person in the room.

I look at it this way ... the day of my surgery is my 59th birthday. I've spent a lot of years eating, over eating, indulging in sweets and going overboard. Eating isn't even enjoyable anymore. I think the beginning of our journey will be the hardest. I believe the first two months will be the real test, and the most difficult. We will be re-learning how to eat, portion control, what to eat, etc. There will definitely be challenges.

But I know for sure ... as soon as I start losing weight and can actually see and feel that difference, a whole new attitude and way of thinking will open up to me. One thing I've noticed here ... there are SO many different experiences. I think you can find support for whatever issue you're dealing with ... so please don't give up. It truly will have been worth it in a few months when you see and feel the new you.

Keep writing about your thoughts, fears and concerns. You will definitely be supported here. I will pray for you, and I am interested in knowing how you progress. Don't beat yourself up over 3 slices of deli ham ... it will all be ok .. I just know it.

Hang in there!

Annie

i can tell you that any amount of money is worth it. at least in my eyes it is. i feel better than i have in over 25 years. i wish i could have done this sooner. i understand being hungry. i cried the first 3 days of my week long liquid diet. literally cried. and i wont say that i didn't cheat - milkshakes are still liquid - but just not the liquid that i was meant to have - but i know that you can do this - if you want it. i wanted it worse than anything i have ever wanted before and i made it through that week - with just a few bumps - and i doubted my decision - but in the end it was the best thing ever... to this day - 9 months later - i would do it again in a heartbeat.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!! (i can hear Eye of the Tiger right now can you??) bom - bom -bombombomb - bombommmmmmmm - it's the eye of the tiger.....

@@Hetera im scheduled may 6 and I am feeling exactly the same. I was originally scheduled last year in April but ended up getting gallbladder out first had some issues so i cancelled my sleeve. Here I am a year later just now realizing that I cannot do this on my own as much as I would love to. I am also feeling so disappointed in myself that I can't do it on my own. As much as I want to cancel again because I am so nervous I know I can't. Work notes already turned in everything is done so I just need to mentally get ready for this .We can do this and we are going to be just fine. Good luck to you

You guys..... thank you so much... I'm practically in tears reading your responses...

Let's stay in touch.

I'm Robin, turning 55 on June 4 (but I have the wisdom of a 22 year old), flying from NYC to Tijuana next Wednesday to have surgery with Dr. Ariel Ortiz at Obesity Control Center (aka Alpha Centauri) on Thursday, 4/30 (same as you Annie! Happy Birthday, Lady!).

I'm recouping at friend's in San Diego for a few weeks, then back to New York/CT for a week, the back to work.

I really appreciate your words of encouragement, ladies.

I'm sure (gulp) we're all gonna be just fine, and by end of the Summer, we'll be happier, healthier and feeling GOOD about ourselves (not that we shouldn't feel good about ourselves as we are...).

Here's to us!

Edited April 23, 201511 yr by Hetera

You're going to do just fine. And so am I. My surgery date is this Monday, April 27th. I'm definitely scared but you know what? A month ago it hurt to walk a block. I don't want to go through that again. My life has been a series of ups and downs (weight-wise) and after this surgery I'll be much more healthier and active. This is the first step toward a better, healthier, thinner life! I'm glad you're here, this is a great group of people.

Relax, you will not be eaten by a bear.

Breathe, sweetie.

Hetera we share a birthday!

You can do it. Take some deep breaths and try to relax. You are working yourself up. Your hunger, is probably all in your head. Drink some Water or change your activity. How much Protein is in your shake? I used Premier Protein. 160 calories, 30g protein, and only 5 carbs. I could have 4 shakes per day which is still less than your 800 calories.

You could lose your job with or without the surgery. You already have excess skin. Its just holding fat now. If your boyfriend or other men can't deal with your saggy skin, they probably weren't good for you anyway. You probably have a better chance of being eaten by a bear in NY than in Mexico.

If you don't have the surgery, you will probably not lose the weight on your own. That's why you are going through this process. Yes, its scary and there are a lot of unknowns, but that is true with most things in life.

Ask yourself, why you decided to have the surgery in the first place. Chances are, that reason still exists. You are worth it.

Thanks again, Ladies. I'm feeling better, dealing with my hunger pangs and just getting ready for the trip. Will spend the day getting the house in order, and maybe have a fire in the fireplace.

Do any of you post to Youtube? Lots of interesting vlogs by VSGers.

Yes, I read there are few bears in Tijuana... One less thing to worry about.