I'm actively dating but have not 'clicked' with anyone yet. So I think of myself as still window shopping and checking out the merchandise. I've been talking with one man in particular and we've made a connection over the phone. We plan to meet later this coming week. He's told me a couple of times that he's not exactly fit. I can tell that he is concerned because I'm slim and he's not. I have no intention of letting him know I'm banded...not at this early stage. But I wanted him to know that excess pounds are not an issue for me. So I told him I wasn't always as thin as I am now and extra pounds is no concern for me. Problem is...it feels like a sin of omission.

I tried to let him know that attraction for me is all about making a connection...feeling comfortable talking, having things in common, similar interests, laughing at the same things, etc. I don't like to lie but I also don't feel that everything should be out there right away. I wouldn't tell a woman friend I had just met that I was banded so why tell a man who I may be interested in such a personal piece of info either. The question for me is when do I tell him?

Some men I went out with did eventually know of my WLS and it had nothing to do with becoming physical. It just seemed like the right time to bring it up based on the discussions we were having. I have no idea if any of these relationships were potentially impacted because of this or not. I don't think so...but who knows. Besides...if being banded is a problem for some men, better I should know sooner than later.

I just find it hard to know when to talk about it. Or maybe I should just do what I've been doing. Tell when it seems the right time to do so...or keep it to myself because I don't think it's the right time. I'm just concerned about this particular man...because it's obvious he's worried about what I will think of his body and since men are so much more visual than women, he doesn't realize that it's a non-issue for me.

Amazing that I can be cool, calm and collected in all facets of my life except in the dating world. When it comes to men, I revert back to a scared 16 year old again even if it's in a 56 year old somewhat scarred and wrinkled body.

Why do so many feel like they have to "explain" to someone that you've had WLS? Because we no longer eat like a pig at meals? Because we have some saggy skin?

I am 55 years young, and do not feel like I need to reveal everything that I've done prior to meeting someone, or my entire medical history to someone that I might be dating. So what that you eat very small meals, so what that your skin isn't as tight as it was when you were a teenager.

If this were a procedure that I was thinking about while in a relationship with someone, then yes it would be something that I would want to discuss with them. But when someone comes into your life post surgery, in my opinion all my personal information is on an "as needed to know" basis, and just like many other things in my past, this is something you don't need to know.

Now if you're the type of person that feels that someone you're dating needs to know everything about you in order to know the "real" you, then you'll have to figure out when you tell someone just as you would with anything else that occurred in your past.

I fully agree. I've been trying and people have been telling me that I need to tell the wonderful man I'm dating what I chose to do. But really, why?

Does he need to know everything about me? How many men I've slept with? How many one night stands I've had? That I had an ectopic pregnancy? That my ex used to call me a donut?

No. This is stuff in my past that is private and only needs to be revealed if extremely necessary. It shouldn't matter what I've done and mistakes I've made in the past if it doesn't directly affect him.

I'm of the mind that I'm entitled to my privacy. Period.

Omg ladies you make me want to cry and I totaly agree with you guys that our journey is private and on a need to know basis! Im not podting my surgery on facebook because honesty the people that matter are in my personal circle already and they know. Everyone else will feel the need to scrutinize my every move and I dont need to be put on display... unlike here on this site Im excited and happy to share some of my personal story with total strangers because even though the details vary we all have the same common struggle and have suffered the cruelty of the world and can relate to one another on a very personal level....thanks for sharing!

FYI Ladies, we're still dating. Last night at dinner I showed him a before/after picture of myself. Told him that if this was an issue I wanted to know now and not later as we are certainly enjoying each others company. He said I was very pretty in both pictures. I know it was a nice way to tell me he wasn't concerned. So..another step forward. He still doesn't know about the surgery and we have decided to take things nice and slow so I'm in no hurry to let him know what that thing sticking out of my abdomen is. He mentioned his own 'girth' and I told him I liked a man with some meat on his bones. And it's true. I feel safe and protected with a solid man. Yes....we've discussed this a bit, me and the therapist. I am seeing that I have a type that I'm attracted to. It's no coincidence that he has similar atributes that my late husband had. So did the guy I was seeing six months ago. Reminds me of Rod Stewart. Ever see all his ex-wives? They look like they could be sisters...