Of anyone who should understand why I am doing this procedure, I would think it would be my mom. My mom has struggled with obesity most of her adult life. She has had several surgeries because of obesity related issues. In 2014 she had 4 surgeries and almost had to skip my bridal shower and wedding because she was so sick. My theory is, have this one surgery now, on my terms, and prevent having to have my knees and hips replaced when I am her age. Her theory is why screw up a "healthy" body when you don't need to. I'm 29, married and "healthy", just overweight. The only time I have ever been a normal weight was when I had a drug problem when I was a teenager.

My mom always makes snarky comments about me having surgery. And this weekend it really came to head. We ran into two of aunts when out running errands on Friday. Its bad enough when she makes comments to me, but it really upsets me when she says things in front of other people. Especially people who I haven't even decided if I am going to share with them that I am having the surgery done. So my mom told both my aunts that I am having this done, then she went into her laundry list of reasons why it's not a good idea.

I feel that I should be able to decide who I want to share my news with and who I don't want to tell. I am not doing this in secrecy, but I'm not sharing it with everyone. I have told my immediate family, 2 coworkers and about 5 close friends. I'm sure everyone will eventually find out, but I want to tell them on my terms.

It would be just be really nice to be supported, especially by my mom. Thanks for listening.

I was scared to death to tell my mom because I was afraid of her reaction. I told her the other day and immediately she got a negative tone. I shut her down and told her I needed her to listen. I explained the differences in the surgeries and then told her which I had chosen. I started crying as this is a very emotional subject for me and she now agrees that this is what needs to be done.

My mom was not "unsupportive", but she did wig out a little when she started to do here own "research" and kind of freaked herself out a bit. I ended up taking her to my surgeon's office to sit down with the nurse coordinator for a better education. It helped IMMENSELY to ease her mind. You might try this if she's open to it.

YES!!!! This is what I've been saying all along. Once you explain it to most people, they "get it" and become supportive. And with close family members, if that doesn't work, then they need to hear it from your doctor. My new approach when people ask how I lost all the weight, is to tell them. "I had bariatric surgery... and haven't had any starches, sugars, sodas, or booze for 10 months, and I'm exercising 5-6 times a week." That pretty much nips it in the bud.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice! I'm trying to distance my self a little bit from her until after my surgery. This is hard because I am an only child and my husband and I only live 3 miles away.

My only problem is who do I bring to my pre-surgery support seminar next week? I was planning on bringing my mom, but since she has been so unsupportive I don't think that's a good idea. My husband just might have to take a day off work!

^^^

Sounds like you're adapting to reality pretty well.

Of course, we all use this site from time to time to vent. Therefore, I know this will probably come across as snarky, but I really don't mean it that way at all. Here goes ...

At some point we figure out that Mom and Dad are not just our parents -- they're people with issues of their own. And that's when we start growing up by learning how to live without their approval -- or even their support.

It's just another phase of life.

I think you're going to be fine, with or without her approval / support.

sounds as though she may be envious?!