My husband had surgery March 3rd. He is doing fairly well with eating. He is having some trouble with indigestion though. I think he is identifying the cause. My main question is how can I help him get out of this funk. He seems depressed. Doesn't want to go or do much other than watch tv. He mentioned calling his surgeon for something for depression. I called for him but the surgeon said he should contact his family dr. I can't get him to go to his dr. I want to be supportive and not a nag. Any ideas?

Does he happen to say what's bothering him? Does he have a history of depression or is this new? @@dwil

From my viewpoint, the onset of depression is normal after the reality sets in that you've just changed your life and habits forever and that you will never eat normally again. We use food as a means to Celebrate, to comfort ourselves, as a social event, and it has been an important part of our lives. Then we have WLS and bang! It's over. Now we have to learn to comfort ourselves and celebrate in other ways because the eating thing is no more. It sucks, we all adjust in our own time and ways, and the inability to use food like we always have causes our deep-set issues to rise to the top. At this point it's sink or swim. You learn to recognize your issues and deal with them or you sink into major depression.

Personally, I was depressed, then angry, then realized I better pull it together or I would live the rest of my life as a miserable person. We may never completely conquer our demons but we will learn to see them for what they are.

It's hard, it's a long road, and it really bites - but we can do it. And when we emerge from the darkness guess what - we come out as better, happier people.

@@Elode this depression has been since his surgery. He has never had any history of depression before. The surgery was totally his choice and I have been supportive. Even doing the liquid diet with him prior to surgery and eating light since. I've lost 10 pounds on this journey with him.

He says he feels like he lost a best friend. Also his energy is very low no doubt in part to the surgery and anesthesia. He wasn't expecting that to be the case. My daughter saw him for the first time since surgery. She noticed a difference in his personality right away. When we dropped her at the airport she told him to talk to his doctor because she doesn't like seeing him thus way.

@@sharonintx thank you for your response. It helps to know others have faced this. Did you overcome your depression on your own? Did your doctor prescribe anything to help you?

Some people have a hard time adjusting to the new lifestyle. Food addiction can be just as hard to break as any addiction. The only difference in this case is is surgery is forcing him to stop the addiction whether he wants to or not at this point. Is he taking all his vitamins? Especially a good vitamin b-12 for energy? If not he would probably benefit from one. If he gets too bad he will need to be seen. Is he on regular food yet? If so maybe you could make one of his favorite diners in a modified healthy Way. There's a lot of mock recipes out there so he doesn't feel like his food life is over? I hope he gets to feeling better. Is he a member on here? If not he may want to join, he can go into the guys room forum if he feels more comfortable just talking with the guys. They may be able to help him out.

Many folks who go through WLS realize at some point that they've inadvertently developed an emotional attachment to food over the years that they've never fully realized. I think for men it is difficult to fully grasp the role that food plays in managing/avoiding or even mediating feelings. Do you think he would be open to going to a support group for overeating, or attending therapy? He's not alone in this, and with support, he can get through it. He's lucky to have you to care and look out for him!

XO,

Ms. A

Edited March 29, 201511 yr by MsAlaineus

@@dwil I don't know that conquer is the right word but I did mostly come to terms with this new life. My children started asking me why I was mad all the time and why did I just watch TV now. So I figured I'd better try to make some changes. The changes came slowly but they did come and in the process I learned that my sanity and self worth was there all along - I had just lost my way and couldn't find it. I didn't go to a Dr or any other professional but looking back it wouldn't have hurt to do so.

Your husband will have to see for himself that he's in control of his happiness. It's a hard thing to do. But he can do it and live to tell the story of how miserable he once was. I'm so sorry that you are having to go thru this. I know it sucks. If your husband thinks a professional may help him then by all means do it. Life is too short to fight a ridiculous weight battle and it's sure too short to be depressed and unhappy. Do what you need to do to get past the misery. The sun will keep coming out tomorrow and none of us need to waste a beautiful day. Keep us posted and I'd be happy to talk about all this stuff anytime you want.

Vitamin D, Vitamin D, Vitamin D. However sometimes depression is a chemical imbalance not just situationally caused. I suggest contacting the psychologist that performed his pre-op psychological testing/counseling or find a therapist that had experience with Bariatric patients. Your insurance company's Bariatric division may be able to refer you.

I got really depressed and mad too...took about 3 weeks for me to snap out of it. My aunt said you are not yourself. .you seem unhappy and I snapped back that's because I am! It was a moment for me to even say it out loud...I was not happy. I have since found my happy. I am 9 weeks post op and hit onderland and have been exercising. I'm sorry your husband is having a hard time..but I think it's kind normal in a weird kind of way...if he's open to it..definitely seek help if he doesn't snap out of it. ...every weight loss journey is different. Hope this helps. :-)

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. He is a professional who is used to taking customers out for lunch etc. I know one day he will be able to do that again. I know he misses the social interaction of going to lunch with friends and customers. One day, hopefully for his sake it will be sooner rather than later.

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. He is a professional who is used to taking customers out for lunch etc. I know one day he will be able to do that again. I know he misses the social interaction of going to lunch with friends and customers. One day, hopefully for his sake it will be sooner rather than later.

That makes it difficult. ????

I would encourage him to go out anyway and be with people. It's about the people not the food! Especially with friends, right?

It's really common to feel down after WLS partly because we struggle to find a new "normal" in our lives. Being able to go out and be with people again can really help, I think.

It's also good to be able sometimes to talk it out. If he is not interested in formal therapy, do you have pastor/priest/rabbi he could talk to? A sympathetic shoulder?

It's major surgery so it does take time to recover physically. He's so lucky to have a concerned family and you are doing all you can. Prayers that his spirit will be lifted as his recovery progresses ☺️

Depression after WLS is very real for some people, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Often for men especially, because of the stigma attached to mental illness, depression falsely represents a "weakness." As we all know, some of us sail right through this whole WLS adventure with flying colors and not a hint of sadness or depression; some of us need a little (or a lot of) extra emotional help. I would hope he does not continue to suffer with his emotional pain, feeling he just has to "suck it up." Some people's brains just are not wired to "snap out of it" without professional help. Sometimes just a few sessions with a therapist can do wonders, and it doesn't even necessarily mean going on antidepressants would be necessary. Often talk therapy can be enough, maybe along with some self-help remedies like diaphragmatic breathing, meditation, and other relaxation techniques.

I suffer from depression. I am "used to it." But it is very scary, especially for our loved ones. The good news is that it will pass (unless you are clinically diagnosed, as I am.) Be supportive, encourage the exercise, and get out in the sun. Gee, I hope you are somewhere with sun! Walk the mall! My son encourages me to walk the mall. He comes with me, then disappears, but calls to encourage me to meet him after one more lap. If it goes on for more than 2-3 weeks, definitely follow-up with your GP and/or the Psychologist that did your evaluation. Antidepresants are not a lifetime commitment. Some people do great on a short 6 month course, and can let them go. Others need longer. But, you do what you have to do.

I know that it is hard to encourage when depression makes him so resistant. Keep loving.

My husband stayed home from work yesterday. Today he went to work but came home early. On top of having surgery and feeling down in the dumps, he has a bad back that is acting up right now.

I asked him earlier if he felt like going for a drive or maybe meeting a friend for a bite to eat. To my surprise he picked up the phone and called his best friend! I'm thrilled! We have plans to drive out to his friends ranch to see his new colt and then go to dinner. Of course we will be sharing a plate ????I'm just so over joyed that he is willing to get out of his recliner and do something! Maybe he is turning the corner where his depression goes! It is a good sign!

Edited April 2, 201511 yr by dwil

It sounds like your husband may have been using food as an emotional reward before surgery. Many people do. They enjoy it for reasons other than hunger. It often brings us comfort, pleasure, and helps us cope. Now that your hubby has had the surgery he will have to find new ways to achieve those things such as taking a walk, snuggling with you, petting an animal, rocking out to his favorite music, reading, sitting on the deck, whatever makes him happy! He can learn to enjoy smaller food treats as well... My favorite right now in the evenings is a little Greek yogurt mixed with toasted coconut pieces, walnuts, and strawberries. It's a pretty fab desert!

Eating out was really hard for me at first too, so I can really relate to that. I missed so much looking over the menu and pigging out on something delicious with my hubby or friends. With my new tummy, my choices were so limited and when I did order, I could only take a few bites so would be done in a few minutes just sitting watching everyone eat. But gradually I learned a few tricks and your hubby will too.... He'll learn to think about not just what he wants to order to eat right now, but what he wants for lunch tomorrow too (because there's always leftovers). And that makes it kind of fun. He'll learn to not dive right in when his food arrives and to pace himself so he can enjoy eating with everyone the whole length of the meal. And he'll learn to save a little room for a bite of your desert!

He's really blessed to have you. Just by being on this site and posting out of concern for him, you are obviously dedicated to supporting him. God bless and good luck with this journey.