Ok. Need some input here. I am just waiting for my call for a date for surgery. All the steps have been completed!

My dilemma is this. My mother just had a mini stroke and is in the hospital and they also have found cancer in her bowel. So, basically I am torn. On one hand, I have been waiting for this surgery for 6 years and really need toget the ball rolling here. On the other hand, with my mothers health, I'm not sure I want to be laid up while she needs me. Not sure of her prognosis so hard to make a decision.

What would you do? Would you postpone or cancel your surgery or go ahead and do it and hope for the best?

Thank you. My heart is so torn!

Wait and see what your date is first, then decide what to do, I guess.

What if she's sick for the next couple of years? \Are you prepared to wait?

Sorry about your mom.

Unless you have unforseen complications you really shouldn't be laid up for too long. A week or two and most people are back to work so you should be OK to help your Mom somewhat.

I agree with the others.

Wait & see what your date is. If you are like me, you'll be up and around in a matter of days.

Do it. You need your health back soonest possible. That will come post op.

Ok mini stroke as in she's still capable of taking care of herself and being alone once discharged? Cancer as in what stage? I guess what I'm asking is how sick is she? Are you her only care taker once she's released? Does she live alone? Will she need a home nurse or someone to watch and be with her as soon as she leaves? Those are the questions I would want answers to before making a decision. If it were my mother (whom I love more than life) if I was her only caretaker and she was sick enough that she would be needing me immediately upon discharge I would postpone my surgery until she was ok. It's true you will probably only be out of commission for about a week (give or take) but I know how I was right after surgery, I'm also a nurse and I wouldn't be able to care for a patient properly at that stage Let alone my own mother. Now, this is all depending on how bad your mothers condition is. If she's still ok to not need someone with/watching her 24 hrs a day then you will probably be fine to have your surgery. I don't know your entire situation or hers so it's hard to give you the correct advice. I may also be a little crazy about my momma so I would put her above my own needs/wants just as she has done for me I wish you both all the best.

Edited March 27, 201511 yr by Elode

Most insurance companies will provide for physical and occupational therapists who make home visits. You can take care of her your best if you are well yourself. You can be in and out of the hospital in two days. I had a mini stroke in 2010. Although my speech and cognitive abilities mostly recovered, my biggest long-term issues are balance mental reaction time. One home, I only needed my pain meds for a couple of days and the rest has been cautious adjusting. I am able to care for myself. Once I passed the first few days pot-op, I was o k to be home alone. However, I do not leave my home without having someone with me, and I surrendered my drivers license because I was running over curbs post op.

If you were in a car accident and had to be in the hospital a week or so, you could not put that off. So, my suggestion is to

have someone come stay with the both of you for a few days, then you should be in good enough shape to putter around the house and help your mom. Just pace yourself and don't lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk (8 pounds).

Well her cancer has just been found, although I had this sneaking suspicion she had it for quite sometime, but she is an 86 year old woman and was very hesitant about getting a scope and CT done because of her "old age"!

I do have siblings, but I have always been her "go to" person. Saying that, I may have to step back and let them step in for a week or so. I really need to have this surgery as 3 weeks ago I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and I really want to get his under control before something else creeps up.

She does live alone although she has agreed after the last couple of days that she needs as in home care when she returns home because she has lost so much of the use of her legs.

You know, one don't the biggest reasons I wanted this surgery is my mother. I don't want my children to have to deal with these problems my mother has, which have all been weight related, except for the cancer. She was a large woman after she had children, and then got type 2 diabetes, then lost a kidney, eyes are bad, etc... I NEED to do something about this. On then other hand, I don't know if I could live with the guilt of not being there if something happened. She just wants me there.

I guess I will just have to wait and see when my date is. I'm really hoping it's sooner than later. Even though she's elderly, I was just not thinking this would be an issue. Thanks for taking te time to give your opinion to a complete stranger (lol). You are the only people who can tell me this type of information regarding the practical side of the surgery, like recovery times, etc... You have been a great help!!!

You are most welcome keep us updated!

I was torn too...my mom has been living with us for 3 years now. She's 78 and her health isn't the best and she has been dealing with lung cancer for the past 3 years. I went for it. I did a LOT of praying. This surgery isn't that bad-it doesn't take long to recuperate from. I will feel fine by the time she has to get her PET scan next month. I had to juggle a few things to get her appointments and mine to work out but in the end it did work out. My husband was a big help.