hey everyone, this Jodie, I have been here since Sept 17, 2004. I am going through some hard times now, and I need all the support I can get!!! My husband just packed some clothes and moved out, its been a long time coming, but I wasn't expecting it today. I am down and numb, but I keep telling myself I got to stay focused on my weight loss!!!!!! I got to. I cannot go back to habits which I would normally when stress hits. I know you all don't know my story, but I will share with anyone who will listen. But here, I need everyone, I don't care, I have never needed anyone more! Please help me, and if you have anyone who is a lawyer, and has some advice, please share. I live on family land that was deeded to me by my parents, and I am afraid of losing my house. We also have lots of credit card debt, and he has agreed to pay half cuz that is fair......... we will see.

I am contacting a lawyer tomorrow, and see what he says............. I am trying to keep this from getting messy, and that is the last thing he asked me, " Is this going to be messy" I told him NO, if you agree to pay half of everything, and he said yes, "that is only fair". So we will see.

I just needs friends more than anything right now!!!!!!!!! Luv all you guys, you have helped me so much so far!. Take care and Big hugzzzzzzzzzz to you all.

Jodie

Jodie,

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Having been through a divorce myself, after 20 yrs of marriage; my heart goes out to you.

There isn't much someone can say to take aware your fears and the reality of the situation, but please know that we are here and will support you through good wishes and prayers that everything will turn out the way you would wish it to be.

For now, take a deep breath, maybe a relaxing bath and try to gather your thoughts for the days to follow. One never knows what tomorrow will bring, but it usually always looks better in the daylight. Hugs to you...

Leatha

Thank you so much for responding so quick. Lord knows I need it, cuz I am sabotaging as we speak, drinking a mixed drink. I know I cannot do this, but I am just trying to numb things more. I believe what you said, things will get better, and I have to hope for better, that is all I have. I would say more, but I am at a loss for words at this point................ the numb thing. Thank you again.

Jodie

Jodie,

So sorry to hear you are having trouble. This is so soon after your surgery! It sounds like you have started to plan what actions you will take. That will help a lot. Keep busy and you will make it through all right.

yes Rebeccalee, I am not about to let this sabotage if I can help it. And I truly think this a small sabotage. We have been having problems for a year now, and he is just now realizing, he said it was like a bomb, well, that is ok, and I understand, but he has done nothing but bake sweets and shit, since I came back 4 weeks ago. He won't admit it. Anyway, this has been a long time coming, it just pisses me off he couldn't wait and get along with me for a few more months. Maybe I am selfish, but I guess he is too!.

Jodie

I'm so sorry this is hitting you now, so soon after your surgery. I can almost feel your anxiety when reading your words. I always find that exercise helps to calm me and to burn off that nervous energy. Actually, crying helps too. It releases all those endorphins. It also helps me to concentrate on one day at a time. What do I need to do today? There will be time later to look at the big picture and to plan for the future, but in a crisis, it is best to focus on the here-and-now until you feel stronger. It sounds like you are taking some positive steps by reaching out for support and by consulting a lawyer. And we are here for you. Take care.

Nancy

JPort, you sound like you are a very strong, independent woman, capable of making life changing decisions, without being intimidated by your ex. You just take the best care of yourself and your children that you can. No one else will do that for you. You will rise above this chaos and get your life back in order and you will be happy. Best of luck to you!

Hey Clara, thank you so much for responding, and adding your wisdom and inspiration. I NEED IT!!! I am trying to do my best, but it is hard, I am constantly telling myself, to chill, and don't sabatage yourself!!!!

Thank you

Jodie

Now is the time to remember who your real best friend is.

Now is the time to look within, fearful but courageous, and to not color anything you see there with emotion and self criticism.

Now is the time to nurture and care for the only person who can get you through this.

What ever you do, don't sell your best friend out for anything.

Of course I'm talking about you. You'll find out that you are not made of steel, but you are strong enough to perservere through the pain.

You'll find resources within yourself that you never knew you had.

Don't shy away from the pain. Don't ball it up, put it in the bottom of your gut and pile food on it. Feel the pain. Let it run its course. Let it flow through you like the flu, or a cold. Let it pass.

Then let yourself heal. Let yourself be okay. Above all, do not take your self image from another human being. You are loving, and you are loveable. Don't let one man's opinion count for all.

You lose much in any breakup. Make sure that all you lose are material things, for they can be replaced, even improved upon. Don't lose your sense of self worth.

Somewhere there is someone, who is waiting for their epicenter. Somewhere is someone, waiting for the perfect one. Only you will fill the bill. Don't cheat that kind stranger.

Be kind to yourself, let the wound bleed, then let it heal.

It is obvious from reading your post that you are a beautiful person, now you've taken steps to become healthier, and even more beautiful.

The world spins, the sun rises and it sets. It shines upon both the vanquished and the strong. And one day, sooner than you think, you'll feel the light of a new morning shining on your brow. You'll lift your gaze and see a sky bluer than it has ever been. You'll know then, the future is as bright as you light it.

I only know these things because I have been there, done that.

Be well, vent anytime. Here there are people who care, and listen.

Oh MY GOODNESS, I just got the most support I could ever want! Whippledaddy and Clara............... geez, you two, have just opened my eyes, I just want you both to know how much I appreciate both your knowledge and inspiration! WOW, Whipple, you have been there haven't you.................. I need to talk to you some more........... Feel free to email me or contact me on yahoo as frinnybop30........... I would love to talk. I am so glad this site is here, I am addicted, thank goodness, cuz I never had anything like this before!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Such a family and friends........... I love it.

Jodie

When my first marriage broke up I didn't know why. Not really. Well the ex's girlfriend was kind enough to explain to me that my "weight issues" were too much for my wife to bear, and that's why she always got falling down drunk in order to make love to me.

Well, no matter. All people of girth have similar warm and fuzzy stories. Bottom line is my first wife did me a favor. For without her leaving me, I would never have met my dear Patty. She has been the love of my life for sixteen years now. I am a lucky guy.

Perservere and you will have a happy ending as well. If it ain't happy, it ain't the end.

Jodie, you are definitely taking the right step by contacting a lawyer -- and you do need to talk to someone in your home state, since divorce property laws vary. Legal advice can help you with the messy practical stuff that comes with a breakup, and sometimes just having a way to deal with all that crap -- keeping your family land, working out debt payments -- can help a person get through the emotions.

You're smart to recognize that nasty times like this can lead to "sabotage" of self-improvement. That said, if you do find yourself reaching for the chocolate bars (or your comfort food of choice), don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes a lapse into an old bad habit can offer temporary comfort. I can tell from your posts that you recognize food isn't going to offer real support. You can take more lasting comfort in knowing that you are getting your body and your life back on track -- and if you are headed for divorce and the proceedings drag on, by the time of your final hearing you might be so slender that your (ex-)husband's eyes will bug out in court.

I hope your lawyer offers good advice. If you aren't satisfied, try contacting your local legal aid office or, better yet, ask a divorced friend in your state if she (or he) can recommend someone. Good luck with everything.

Jodie,

I have no advice... I only have love and prayers for you. I hope that all goes well and your husband keeps his word. Def see a lawyer asap!

Thank to everyone for the support!!! Sorry for my delay in response to all you wonderful people. I have just been preoccupied and trying to stay focused. Going back to work tonight, should be interesting, since everyone knows my husband too and I am sure they know. Say a prayer for me. Will keep you all updated.

Thanks again

Hugz to all

Jodie

P.S. I haven't slept much in a few days, but I am still walking, got to love myself for that............... I even got up this morning at 6 and walked in the dark with a flashlight, praying I didn't step on a snake!!! yikes. Anyway, focus focus focus for me.

Good luck, Jodie, and let us know how you're doing.

Jodie,

I pm'd you my email address.

I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. This too shall pass.... I know that sounds too easy right now, but it will get better, you will move on and you will be a better person because of it. Trials and Tribulations build character. You sound like a very strong woman, if you've been expecting this and have been living unhappily for a year now, then you're due some happiness. Get through this time and you'll realize how this whole situation changed your life for the better.

Hang in there!!