Holy crap. I've gained 20 lbs in less than two months. :drum: :tea:

Right now I'm sitting on tenterhooks about my rebanding, since the insurance coverage is not a sure thing. The house is full of fruit and lean Protein, but there's nothing standing between me and what seems to be compulsive eating. I can't tell the difference between hunger and habit. It almost seems like someone else is putting things in my mouth. (Holy cow, that sounds bizarre!)

Clothes are already too small, and my closet is a scary, depressing place once again. My legs are slamming together, and my reflection in the mirror is frightening. I feel worse now about my weight than I've ever felt in my life, and my family is bearing the brunt. This absolutely sucks.

Sorry to share my black mood with everyone. But I know getting it out is better than any alternative.

Jane, my band was removed because it had slipped to a point that there was no other choice. Believe me, if/when I get another one I will eat from a teaspoon for the rest of my life.

Thanks for everyone's good wishes!! My mood has improved but I still don't know what's what. Today is the last weekday before surgery, and the decision must be made today. I honestly don't know which way it will go, but all my fingers are crossed and I really appreciate the good thoughts!!

Alexandra, I sure hope you get a call today which will allay your fears. The waiting surely is the hardest part. I totally understand your pain. I have been dealing with this fill/unfill thing now for nearly 3 years. As of today, I have regained about 18lbs myself. I know alot of it is that I've slacked off the on the exercise I was getting due to travel, etc. But it has been well proven to me that exercise is a major MAJOR part of sustaining that weightloss and tone I had attained. I certainly do chose the wrong foods more often without decent restriction and curse myself even as it enters my mouth. Strange behavior indeed. I seriously HAVE to detox my body of refined sugars and starches in order to get my head back in that mode that allows me to maintain or lose at all and unfortunately, my body is just not one that is forgiving of any indescretion. :confused: Sad, but a fact. To get myself back on track, I really must think of it as being 'allergic' to certain types of foods and avoid them at all costs. I keep telling myself that, but every day is a struggle in practicing. Lately, everyday I lose the struggle. :eek:

This past weekend, I moved my friend here from Georgia. She will be living with me and she's all about cooking and eating healthy. She is very concerned for my well-being and attained health. So, we packed ourselves up and went to aqua-aerobics and had a great time with it. So, hopefully, I can get myself headed in the right direction with some support from a friend. I simply cannot go back to where I came from.

I truly hope you get your new band and get back on track. You've done a great job thus far and you know what it took to get there. WE can do it. WE MUST do it, for ourselves first and for everyone who loves us.

Don't beat yourself up too much! Good luck!

Thanks, Leatha. And it sounds like you're in a great place to get support at home with regard to your diet! I hope your friend is also interested in being an exercise buddy. That's what I need, but my schedule doesn't really allow for that. :confused:

It's after 12:00 noon now and there's been no response from Oxford (so much for an expedited appeal, ha ha), so I'm off the surgery schedule for Monday. I'm OK with that, because no news still means there might be good news. And in fact, a later date would have worked out better for me work-wise.

Another good thing is that I found out that my doctors are staying in the Oxford network until August 1, so even if the answer is no this time we'll have time for yet another appeal. And lord knows I'm good at that.

I've lost 6 lbs of the 20 I'd packed on, so I'm feeling physically a lot better. I'm scared of the weekend, but at least it's not a holiday with lots of barbecuing!!

How nerve wracking! You have such a great attitude. I check the thread frequently to see your news! Congrats on the 6 pound loss! Keep that momentum going. I have no fill right now and I was up to 190 from my low of 181. But I have avoided the scales the past few days! I'll probably get a small fill of .5 in a few weeks. Keep the faith.

Dear Alexandra,

Was thrilled to see your "healthy head" and your minus six pounds.

Continued success and I will check in on you.

Be well,

Clarice