I'm away for the weekend and my surgery is on Wednesday 12/3. I had trouble sleeping tonight and I walked to the bathroom and I was greeted by my reflection. Tired, nearly naked and in front of a wall sized mirror. At first I was horrified. Look at me! How did I let myself get this way? My arms can't go down to my sides, I carry most of my weight in my belly, and every curve and ripple have seemed to shout at me from the mirror.

At 42 I'm way to young to look and feel like this. All I kept thinking was that I WAS FAT! Then I thought o a post I saw on Facebook earlier this year: You are not fat, you HAVE fat. You also have fingernails, you are not fingernails.

Part of my weight journey is how I haven't been very gentle with myself. So critical. I have to remember that my entire life isn't just those three digits I've spent the last 30 years allowing them to control my feelings, my self esteem, my opportunities, and my future.

As I prep for surgery I'm going to work on really loving myself. This body may not be perfect but it incubated two amazing children, finished a half marathon at 330 pounds, walked down the aisle with my amazing father into the loving arms of my husband, best friend, and champion. This body loves and has been loved.

Every curve has a story. I've often feared through this process who would I become when I lose weight? I've been fat for so long what will I become.

The beautiful, loving wife, mother, daughter and friend always was. Just now I'm going to love myself like I love others. I'm excited and ready.

I had the same thoughts as I was on vacation last week looking into three wall sized mirrors around a bath tub. I almost cried.

I like what you said, I HAVE fat, I am not fat. Just like I HAVE fingernails but I am not fingernails. It's good to have a different and positive perspective on it.

No surgery date yet. But I'm hoping and praying I'll have it soon.

Edited December 1, 201411 yr by laurenella82

Beautiful! Today is the day! I pray your surgery is through and you are doing well, and that your recovery is quick!

Surgery was a breeze! Very little pain, no nausea, and a clean bill of health when I left. Surgery Wednesday checked out this afternoon. I'm not feeling hungry or deprived just taking it easy and learning how to sip! Amen! The journey begins!!

Welcome to the losers bench :-) :-)