My brother needs to make up his damned mind. He asked his girlfriend of less than 5 months to marry him when they found out she was pregnant. She had a miscarriage last week. They had originally decided to get married in late June or early July. Even though there isn't any rush anymore, they decided to still get married around that time. After going back and forth several times, they decided to set a date for June 29th. I am hoping this is the final date. They aren't 100% sure of the location, though. They are probably going to be having a civil ceremony in Nashville, although my brother tried to talk my mom into everyone flying to Hawaii and doing it there. Yeah, right. Maybe he has a couple thousand dollars to spend for a few days, but the rest of us don't.

I am just getting really irritated with the whole thing. If they were smart, they would put off getting married for a few months and plan the damned thing properly, instead of trying to rush it and stressing everyone else out.

I know that some people think that I am just pissed of because he's inconveniencing my schedule, but I'm not. I'm worried that he's rushing into this out of a sense of guilt. His last few relationships have all been long-term relationships that eventually broke up. He just broke up with the last one in December. He still owns a house with her. I just think that, judging from his pattern, he's jumping into this way too fast.

He may will be, but it is his life and his mistakes to make. The best you can do, IMHO, is be there for him if/when it does blow up. You don't want to be more stress for him, right?

I'm watching my own brother's bad marriage decision blow up in his face, in slow-motion. It's really hard when you love them, and saw it coming from the minute he announced he was getting married. But what choice do we sis's have really?

1. I've failed students, which is a wonderful stress relief.

2. I emailed Bellsouth and got put on their DNC list (even though it will take a while to take effect).

3. I told my parents to keep their mouths shut about my surgery.

Just because I have made a post or two about it at one time doesn't mean that I'm not doing something about it. I make posts to vent. Once I'm through venting, I take care of it.

Venting is my method of releasing anger. That's what venting means, a release.

Where was the method of dealing with it? All I saw was, "you're so angry!!!" and "life's too short." Ooh, that's a wonderful method, kind of like the "just lose weight" method of motivating someone in weight loss.

That is why i stated venting is good. And i think that telling you to look at it from another point of view is people's way of trying to help you. they are not patronizing you. patting you on the back and telling you that you are the victim is not helpful to you. but if that is what you are looking for then you should put a disclaimer with your venting. I have done that before. there is no shame in it. But to vent, and then get angry at everyone's opinions on how you should handle the situation is not doing anything to help yourself. If you want to just be angry, then be angry, but you cannot then add anger because you have anger. if you want to do that, get a diary and write to yourself. If you want to vent, and hear constructive ideas on how to handle it you should accept that the people who are posting back to you, for the majority, are really trying to help.

patting you on the back and telling you that you are the victim is not helpful to you.

Did I say it was? My point is that her post was not exactly constructive, in the first place. My anger is not against those who have posted and sincerely seem to want to help, my anger is focused at one person who who didn't post anything more than a criticism of me for being angry.

If you want to just be angry, then be angry, but you cannot then add anger because you have anger.

Huh???

LOL you cannot be angry because people are trying to help you out of your anger. it just puts you in a vicious cycle, and you close off even more.

i swear i have not started drinking yet tonight! lol

LOL you cannot be angry because people are trying to help you out of your anger. it just puts you in a vicious cycle, and you close off even more.

Oh, I'm not, believe me, I'm not. I am only angry at one specific person in this thread (not you, lol!), and that is just because of tone of her posts came across as very patronizing to me. To me, she wasn't trying to help me out of my anger, she was just criticizing me for showing that I was angry. Apparently it was supposed to be shameful to vent.

Everything is relative (no pun intended). My brother has been married 6 times to 5 different women (one was foolish enough to marry him twice). Number three was very young and I felt sorry for her, so I tried to warn her. It didn't work.....just made her mad. Made him mad, too. And her mother. Turns out I was right, of course. I guess it never occurred to them that I knew him a lot better than she did.

Not only can you not fix stupid......evidently you can't fix the determination to screw up one's life, either.

Not only can you not fix stupid......evidently you can't fix the determination to screw up one's life, either.

Very true. We can only watch and then say, "I told you so."

I don't like people that say "I told you so" If you really loved your brother you'd never say that and just be supportive. Do you think "I told you so" will make him feel any better? I'd never do that to my family. It sucks when you make poor choices but what sucks worse is having your family thats supposed to love you come and throw it in your face. Great way to show how much you love them!

Pffffft, "I told you so" is soooo cathartic!

Laurend, vent on baby! I hear ya loud and clear. If I were you I'd be asking the same questions and venting everywhere I felt comfortable. I understand that you are not coming here and posting about this to get advice about what to do or not to do, you just wanted to tell your story and have people hear you.

Do I agree (given my limited knowledge of the situation) that this is probably a HUGE mistake? Yep, youbetcha! And if I were in your position, I don't know that I'd physically say, "I told you so" when it all falls into the crapper, but I know I'd be gloating like a son-of-a-gun on the inside.

May I ask how old your brother is? I have a personal theory (and I KNOW I'll get totally lambasted on this one, but it's MY theory) that folks have NO business getting married before a bare minimum of 25, preferably 30-35 and kids shouldn't even be considered until married a minimum of three years. That's just my thought. You have to take time to get to know one another. And you have to be old enough and responsible enough to take care of yourself and your own bills and needs before you take on a partner, and certainly before you bring another life into this trashed out Godforsaken world.

Okay, that's my rant...

I don't like people that say "I told you so" If you really loved your brother you'd never say that and just be supportive. Do you think "I told you so" will make him feel any better? I'd never do that to my family. It sucks when you make poor choices but what sucks worse is having your family thats supposed to love you come and throw it in your face. Great way to show how much you love them!

I do love the guy, but if the relationship doesn't work, I'm not going to lie to him either, and tell him that I really thought it would work. How would that be loving or supportive? But yeah, like faithmd said, I probably wouldn't tell him, "I told you so," to his face, but I can guarantee that I would be gloating on the inside. Hell, that's what happened with my former roommate. She married a guy that she really (supposedly) loved, but it was a guy that I thought needed to grow up (he was super immature). Guess what, they separated within six months and were divorced within a year of marriage because the guy refused to get a job or go to his classes. I said the requisite "I'm sorry" when she emailed me the news, but inside, I was saying, 'Damn it, I could have saved you a shitload of money and time."

May I ask how old your brother is? I have a personal theory (and I KNOW I'll get totally lambasted on this one, but it's MY theory) that folks have NO business getting married before a bare minimum of 25, preferably 30-35 and kids shouldn't even be considered until married a minimum of three years. That's just my thought. You have to take time to get to know one another. And you have to be old enough and responsible enough to take care of yourself and your own bills and needs before you take on a partner, and certainly before you bring another life into this trashed out Godforsaken world.

He's 28, but the chick he's marrying is 23. Hell, she's younger than I am. And to be honest, I kind of have to wonder if this is how she planned to catch him. When my family met her and her parents (just two weeks ago, the night before we found out that she was pregnant), her mother made a comment about how the girl had told her when the relationship first started that she'd be married before the end of the year. And all of a sudden, chickie turns up pregnant less than 5 months after they started dating. Little bit suspicious, no? If you knew my brother, you'd know why this is a surprise. The last three relationships that he's had lasted for several years each. He even lived with the last two. With the third, he bought a house. Yet, as long as he was with each of those women, there were no pregnancies.

All I can say is I am glad your not my sister. I married my husband just a few months after we met, we have been together for 13 years and still going strong.

My first marriage I lost a baby, it was also just a few weeks, but to me, it was a baby from the moment I first was told "you are pregnant". My older sister would ask why I still cried, its wasn't even born, but let me tell you, it was a baby, it had a heart beat, it lived inside me, it was a part of me.

As for the telemarketers, get yourself a telemarketer zapper and caller id and zap them.

plan for the worst. hope for the best. be smiles and all when you are around them, and hope that it will be a good marriage. you never know, it could be the best marriage on the planet. only time will tell and until then if you go into this with a sour outlook it could convey to them. it might drive a wedge between you all, and that would not be good.

my husband's parents knew each other a week.

His mom always told her friends and family that she would never get married because she liked her last name. one day at the county fair a bluegrass band came to play, and she met Fred Davis. Same last name. They dated every night for a week, and got married. they have been together for over 50 years, and have the most amazing relationship ever!

You just never know.

it might drive a wedge between you all, and that would not be good.

Well, to be honest, it wouldn't be a huge loss. My brother and I have never been close, mostly because he was abusive to me when we were children. Our relationship is better than it used to be (actually, I can't think of any way it could be worse than what it used to be), but it still can't be called anywhere near "close." It's one of those situations where you love someone because they are family, but you don't remotely like them.