I know this is probably a pointless question because I know that the answer is different for everybody. I guess I'm directing this to those of you who have had the operation. I keep reading about people still overreating, or eating the wrong things, about the cravings. I'm assuming many if not most of you are like me in that it seems you can just never quit eating. I've always heard "eat till your satisfied". I have never in my life been able to feel that way. I have usually either dieted (aka starved) or ate till I felt like I'd barf. There's usually not been much of an in between for me.

So for people like this, with this sort of never enough thing going on...does this work. Does it really help you to feel physically full once and for all? I realize that a huge part of this is mental which has to be worked on regardless of if I go with the surgery or not. But I just mean stomach wise, does this actually help with your physical appetite?

Yes it does.

But a lot of our eating problems have little to do with physical appetite, head hunger is still a problem.

But its what you do 90% of the time that matters. You dont have to be perfect. I eat bad foods sometimes, I give into head hunger a lot of time, but I virtually NEVER eat till I'm stuffed, the discomfort is just not worth it, its really really horrible to overeat when you're banded. So I may give in to the head hunger and buy a muffin and a coffee down at the shops but I can guarantee you I wont eat more than half the muffin. And probably only half the coffee as well.

Those little things add up to calorie deficit. I dont have a lot of willpower when it comes to not eating chocolate or a cookie or whatever just because I feel like it. But I have good willpower for not eating McDonalds for lunch, or making something cheesy and fattening or whatever, I find it quite easy to eat a good Soup or a salad instead and what the band helps with is once I've become satisfied on that, the desire to eat what I may have been tempted to eat just evaporates.

And I guess the other reason why I've been successful is I've done what no band can make you do, I've started, built up to and committed for life to a good exercise program - I run about 40kms a week these days.

If you can do that and eat well most of the time, not beat yourself up over slips and indiscretions and learn to fit those "somtimes" foods into your life without having them takeover, you'll be very successful.

Just personally, I do not believe being banded is about dieting, I believe its about working on your relationship with food, learning not to be afraid of it, learning that you are in control and that just because you go to dinner somewhere and its Pasta put in front of you not freaking and refusing to eat it and not eating it and thinking that's licence to gorge for 3 days - learning that its just pasta, its just one meal and its no big deal - is what you're aiming for.

Wow, this is weird but just like another reply you gave me on another post you really summed up how I feel. What you said towards the end about the band not being about dieting. About food being what it is, food. Nothing more nothing less. That is exactly where I'm striving to be.

I've been going to therapy to try to understand why I've done this to myself over the years. The cycles of starving and gaining back and then some have left me so fat and so unhappy and empty. I'm at the end of my rope and I don't want to be battling this anymore the whole food thing.

I definately have a huge problem with the whole head hunger thing, but I've also always had a problem with never really feeling full either. My best friend has always been the same way. However for better or worse she's been able to just pretty much swear off food down to the bare minimum she needs to live. She's a size 2. But since we were little girls we'd always have this thing where it was like we could eat and eat and eat. We always thought we were the only ones then, boy were we wrong.

Interestingly enough though we both grew up with Moms with huge food and body image issues. Coincidence? Probably not but who knows.

I'm just worried that I'm hopeless and nothing will help. I feel like I want to lose weight more than anything. So I feel like if that is the case I should just be able to do it myself without any help. And truly it would be hard but I could do it. The trouble is just like before I would gain it back and then some. I simply cannot handle the heartbreak and embarrassment of that again.

So I'm just wondering if this is actually something that could help for someone like me. Thanks for your posts by the way, I just can't believe how much what you say is exactly what I'm thinking but cannot seem to say.

Well I'm glad to help.

I think the first step is just letting go of the old negativity. You need to know what you're in for too and just relax and go with it. That means probably initial quick loss, then a return of hunger as post op swelling goes down, maybe even a bit of a small regain, a few months toing and froing to get good restriction, many plateaus and frustrations but at the end of this, in a year you will weigh less.

It doesnt matter how much "they" say you should lose every week. You will lose what you lose. If its less than average that doesnt mean its not working.

I cant stress enough though how much running has helped me. Exercise is absolutely key. Good hard aerobic exercise, up to an hour, five or six days a week. At first that may be just walking, but its worth building up and keeping it intense. Weights too if you have the time, its fantastic for building muscle and increasing metabolism. Make exercise your friend.

When you exercise like that, eating perfectly is not so important, and exercise does so much for weight maintenance.

You CAN do this, it DOES work but it does rely on your input. But you're not hopeless, you're just discouraged. And that's normal because nothing has worked. Of course the band does not work for absolutely everyone, but there's many reasons for that and relatively few who simply do not lose due to other problems.

Oh my gosh, how great it would feel to really work out again. Okay I've never ever enjoyed exercising. But I will never forget the high that I'd have afterwards. I will never forget how it was to feel strong physically. That was a great feeling and so worth working for.

It's funny it's hard to think back to the days when my body was strong and fit and to think that was really me. I couldn't be more opposite now. At this point my body is just a big fat unhealthy blob. I feel weak and tired and simply don't have the energy to really fight, at least that's how it seems.

Every single night lately I'm up and can't sleep mulling this all over. Every night I know that tomorrow is a new day and I can start again, that I have done it before and I can do it again. But I'm so tired of the fight. Does that make sense? I think I'm just going through this mad stage of being angry that it has to be this hard for me. I know it is for some of us, but why. That doesn't matter I know. It's how we choose to deal with it that's important.

Can I ask you this? How did you make yourself feel like you were worth it? I mean I know I'm worth saving. But at the same time I feel like I should be able to do it without surgery if I really want it bad enough. What's that about? I'm assuming others go through this mentality but I just don't know how to move past it.

Oh, gosh, I guess I should sort of point out that I got to a BMI of about 35 (thankfully in Australia you dont have to fight the insurance companies for this surgery), I was always a little hefty but never seriously overweight for most of my life and I kind of packed it on after having a couple of babies and being a housewife for a few years.

I honestly just never suffered from all the self esteem and failure issues that so many seem to have to bear. I just got a bit fat during a particularly busy/stressful period of life in which my major focus was not on myself.

I really got serious though when I just found I didnt have the energy to cope with everday life. I'd already taken steps to "reclaim me" by returning to universisty to retrain for a career I'd always wanted, but I was really struggling with the study, the house, the kids, I was just disorganised and living in chaos and fed up with it, it was so stressful. I had a bad ankle which developed suddenly when I began yet another exercise program and within a week had done myself an injury that never went away, I put up with it for 2 years and also had to go through an awful period where a genetic corneal disease showed up and began giving me problems and I just got to the point where I yelled "F..K IT - I have to DO something about all of this" and that was it really.

And honestly, I never looked back. The energy, feeling of wellbeing and ability to cope with my life came back VERY quickly, within 30lb I was feeling like my old self.

Of course I had the same thoughts - I should be able to do this without surgery but really, as I explained to my Mum, I would not hesitate to have surgery to fix my ankle, so I was not going to hesitate to have surgery to fix my obesity, permanently, that was all there was too it. I did waver a lot before I made that decision but once it was made I went with it and I've never ever regretted it.

Its honestly like something in my head that regulated my appetite was just plain broken and this fixed it. Like any normal person I love naughty foods, I eat more when I'm celebrating - at Christmas, birthdays etc, I like a drink, I like an ice cream on a hot day but I just simply dont eat 3000 calories a day anymore.

Honestly - you WOULD have surgery for any other physical affliction that was seriously affecting your life and your health, obesity is NO different, its just the judgements and morals we attach to it that make it seem that way.

Reading your queries sounded very familiar. You sound exactly like me!

The more time I spend absorbing everything in the site and all information I can learn about the procedure, the more I'm sure it's right for me. I think Jachut summed it up well when she wrote that we'd all step right up to take care of any other body part. I wonder when our stomachs began producing shame and guilt.

I'm sure that you will come to see yourself for who you truly are and realize you're completely worth it. You really are somethine else!!

Does it really work? Hell yes! I was banded one year ago and have reached goal.....lost over 90 lbs.....and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Carol

Hi Jacqui,

I wanted to ask you about your weightloss. I know you stress the importance of exercise. I definitely agree with that. Since being banded, I have joined a gym but this time I AM COMMITTED in going. I do the treadmill for 45 min and I'm up to jogging for 15-20 min straight. I also do 'fun' things like Salsa and yoga.

I find that you are one of the more positive people in regards to relationship with food. I like the fact that you eat almost what you like but know everything in moderation. Diets fail when we restrict a lot of what we eat.

What I wanted to ask - In the beginning did you NOT eat a lot of different foods then gradually added them back to your diet? It has been 2 months since my surgery and I am doing pretty good. I'm just looking for advice from a successful bandster. Thank you!

somethingelse,

I actually haven't had my surgery yet, I'm going in next week. (woo!) So, normally I just troll the boards and don't say much since I don't have much expertise to offer. However, in this case, I really wanted to say something, because the feelings you are having are feelings I have been battling with for some time now. The reason I am having surgery is because I simply cannot live with another round of devistating failed attempts at weight loss.

All of my family have been extremely supportive, with exception of my brother. My brother has presented the view that if all it does is restrict my food intake, I should be able to do that myself, so why don't I? Well, for the longest time, I found it difficult to provide a good arguement to that.

But Jachut is absolutely right. You simply would not hesitate to have surgery to fix some other part of your body, and this is really no different. You are still going to be the one in control of your food intake, the band just helps you control it.

For me, being in control of this part of my life is something I am very much looking forward to. I don't think that having this surgery is something to look upon with shame, I think it takes great courage to make this decision for yourself. If you feel like losing the weight is something you can do on your own, great! Because that means you'll be all that more sucessful with the support that comes with the band.

Losing the weight after surgery is going to be a great battle, but one that you have much better odds of winning now that you've got the band on your side. At least that's how I look at it.

In the very beginning, my diet WAS a lot more restricted than it is now. Of course I had liquids (although I ate real foods during liquids, just liquified, lol), mushies and gradual introduction to solids to get through and I lost about 10 kg through that period (well over 20lb) and I had superb restriction for about four or five months longer on only one fill - little head hunger or appetite, so I do lose quickly for someone with a relatively low BMI. But over time, that restriction waned, its taken 3 or 4 fills to get back to similar restriction quantity wise but the appetite has never disappeared again, I have a "normal" appetite but it can be more easily satisfied if that makes sense. So I continued to lose much more slowly for the second six months until I hit goal. And I can maintain now without too much effort - so I really dont see being able to eat bread or to eat more than the next bandster as a problem, if you know what I mean. Its only a problem if I cant control my weight.

So yes, I guess over time, a lot of those foods have been added in, and of course, your initial zeal does wane - there's definitely an early window of opportunity in which you can maximise weight loss. But like any "diet" that cant last, it peters out and you're left with your own relationship with food and a life with no "rules" or "diets" to contemplate and I really think you have to get a handle on that. You cant live on a diet for the rest of your life, eventually you have to stop hiding behind that and trust yourself to make your own decisions. It does kind of come naturally over time, I remember at about 10 months I suddenly stopped and realised that I'd served myself the right sized dinner that night - like it had taken THAT long for my head to catch up to my body and for me to start treating my new way of eating and my new appetite as natural. These things are habits, but you dont break them in 4 or 5 months, it takes quite a long time. I think probably most people would gain if they lost their bands and I'm not exception but I bet my eating habits wouldnt be the same as they were pre band.

Wow. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one with these feelings, but then on the other hand it's so sad that so many of us battle with this.

Actually what Jachut said about not being hesitant about fixing some other part of us really hit home. I've had problems with depression and there's a lot of mental illness in my family. Some have choose treatment, others have not. I've tried and tried over the years to help those who have choosen not to seek medical help what a huge difference it has made for me. Before medication my life was so much different. It's not perfect now but it's so, so much better. I only wish that some of my loved ones would undersand that your brain is no different than your heart or your knee or whatever. If it wasn't working right we'd do whatever we could to get it in the best condition we could.

I don't understand why so many people feel ashamed to seek help for mental illness but they do. Okay so why in the he!! do I feel so ashamed for seeking help with my obesity. It's debilitating, it's completely ruining my life. I realized years ago that I couldn't just "make" myself not have depression and anxiety issues so why can't I just see this for what it is then?

Maybe because all my life I've been told that there's nothing worse than being fat. That if you are fat you are worthless and loveable. I guess after years of that being force fed to ya you believe it.

Somewhere inside I know that I shouldn't be ashamed of this. However I haven't been able to come to a point that deep down in my heart I truly believe that. I think that's what's got me wondering if surgery would be right for me.

I'm so, so afraid that something will go wrong or I'll fail. I simply cannot imagine that. I don't know what I'd do. On the same token imaging the rest of my life at this weight is beyond sad...it just makes me feel utterly hopeless.

By the way I'd just like to bring up something that irritates the he!! out of me. On one of the morning shows today they had some women who all lost 100 pounds or more.......WITHOUT SURGERY!!! They had to make that a big issue because god forbid some fat lazy a$$ person would need surgery to do it because then you took the "easy" road. Anyhow don't get me wrong I am truly happy for these people and wish them the best in the world. But what gets me is why do they not ever bring these people back in a year,2 years, 3 years to see how they are still doing? As most of us know we can lose the weight, it's keeping it off that's an even bigger struggle. God forbid any of us have to choose GASP surgery for our weight problem. Geesh can you tell I'm having an emotional day?

I don't understand why so many people feel ashamed to seek help for mental illness but they do. Okay so why in the he!! do I feel so ashamed for seeking help with my obesity. It's debilitating, it's completely ruining my life. I realized years ago that I couldn't just "make" myself not have depression and anxiety issues so why can't I just see this for what it is then?

If you had allergies, would you be ashamed to go to the doctor and get allergy shots, decongestants, and possibly sinus surgery to alleviate your suffering? If you had an underactive thyroid, would be ashamed to take synthroid to get your hormones levels back up? If you broke your arm, would you be ashamed to go to the hospital and have it set? You've come to realize that depression is nothing to be ashamed of, and having a weight problem is no different. It's a medical issue despite what our society and the media say about it.

There was a good special on PBS about obesity and all the different factors that contribute to it. One doctor in particular really had a good understanding of the condition. He stressed how millions of years of evolution are now working against us in the modern environment of plentiful food. He made the comment that if you run up 5 flights of stairs, you're going to be winded and breathing hard and your heart will be racing. He said there is no way you can will your heart to slow down or will your breathing back to normal -- those are autonomic responses that we depend on to keep us alive. Imagine trying to convince yourself that you don't need more oxygen when you are gasping for breath. Imagine trying to convince yourself that you aren't thirsty when you haven't had any Water for 2 days. He said that's similar to the kind of struggle obese people face on a daily basis. Everything in our genetic make-up is telling us to eat because it is part of our survival instinct. For obese people, that instinct is strong; for thin people, it's not. We are genetically programmed to eat and to think that that can be permanently overriden by willpower is absurd.

We are finally to the point where there are tools (like the lap-band) to help us with our weight. There is no shame in taking advantage of the help that's available to you.