Ok, so I have made the decision to have this life changing body altering surgery. I have very mixed feelings from my few friends and family that know. Only two people FULLY support the decision, neither of whom are people that I see very often but we can communicate via text and email. Recently I heard from two people.. “ Since your already losing weight now, why can you just continue?” and “I just wish you could do this on your own, are you sure you cant?”. I’m tired of trying to explain to people why I am making my choice. Then I thought I should write it down and then it will help me to remember why and what feelings and loss of living lead me to this choice. So this is mainly just for me to look back and see what all I missed out on in life and what I don’t want to miss out on in the future.

For many years I made up excuses or ailments or reasons to say no to and not go to........work ,interviews for new jobs, invitations to go out with friends, work events, church events, church services, birthday parties, engagement parties, anniversary parties, Halloween parties. I turned down dates with men, invitations for sex, lunch dates, girls nights, girls weekend, family gatherings, school reunions, getting together with old friends, boating, camping, swimming, hiking, zip lining, riding rides at the amusement park, horseback riding, weddings, funerals. I convinced my son we didn’t want to go do lots of things that he wanted to do because I was afraid I couldn’t fit, would break something, couldn’t handle the walk, couldn’t handle the standing or I’d be over the weight limit. If he knew how much he missed out on because of my being overweight I’m sure he would be very sad. I am sad about it.

For 15-20 years now I would put my head down in shame and try to hide when I would see an old classmate or friend and pray they wouldn’t recognize me and want to talk to me. I am tired of hearing what a “pretty face” I have, the pretty fat girl. People don’t want to set me up with men they know. I don’t stand up for myself at work and people think Im stupid because I have no self confidence. I don’t do my hair and I rarely wear make up, what’s the point, I wanted to be invisible. I wear almost the same things all the time, I hate clothes shopping, shoe shopping, bra shopping so I wear a few things over and over until they are gone. I have nothing that is stylish, I don’t want to draw attention to myself. Im afraid to wear high heels because they will break, cant find shoes that fit, almost never find boots to fit my calves. I am always afraid to sit in a booth, that my stomach will be squished, Im afraid to sit on plastic outdoor chairs at events or people’s homes, I actually broke one a few years ago that was humiliating. I’m afraid to fly because its so tight! I barely fit in the go kart rides with my son at the outdoor fun park, I am too heavy for the waterslides at our Water park. I have a bad hip, I have rolled my ankles several times, I have had cortisone in my shoulder, elbow, hip. I have high cholesterol, pre diabetic, fatty liver, bad back, bad hip. I’ve never been married, I missed out on having the last 20 years with the love of my life because I didn’t love me.

Do I think this surgery will change all of that for me? No, I'm realistic. But I do believe I will feel better about myself and I will want to show off my progress and I will have a body that I can work with and make stronger and be proud of. I will be physically able to do so much more and not be afraid to do and try things. I can’t wait for the day when I don’t have to make up a reason why I can’t go ziplining or ride an amusement ride with my son. It’s gonna be a great year next year when I am able to be the person I once was adn have longed to be for the last half off my life. Cant wait to feel, smaller, stronger, sexier, smarter and be selfassured and confident. I want to go out and LIVE life not sit inside and HIDE anymore.

@@happymama2014 It's never to late to be what you could have been! (I can't remeber who that quote is from).

Ask yourself this: if you had cancer and were taking every agressive measure to be cured, would your family and friends support you? This is kinda the same thing, you are choosing available measures to live, not just to survive. Do this for yourself. Only you can be the judge if it works for you or not, it's a tool for success, it's not a guarentee. You owe it to yourself and your son to be happy and active. (and to live).

Good luck, I was sleeved on Sept 14, 2014.

@codysmom - Thanks. I plan to live the next part of my life the way I was intended to live! You are two weeks out now...How are you feeling? Doing?

Edited September 29, 201411 yr by happymama2014

I was a self pay to Tijuana. I had my surgery on the 14th, was released from the hospital on the 16 to the hotel (Marriott) and out shopping that same day. I spent two more days in the hotel then went home. I was out walking to see my horses the day I returned home back to Canada, and have been just fine. My biggest struggle right now is getting in the necessary Protein and Water into my body, but health wise, there was NEVER any pain, I was up and walking three hours after surgery. I don;t know if I've lost weight yet as you get pumped full of gas for the surgery, then pumped full of liquids during the three days. I decided I'd weigh myself the 14th of October and go from there.

All I can say is I'm excited to move on and take part in life instead of it watching it pass me by.

I wish you luck and happiness, this is a good thing, and next year like now you'll be looking at life in a whole different way, thinking how lucky you are to have made such a great decission!