My insurance came through in record time and I've been approved after 'only' 12 agonizing days of waiting. Ever since I got the email this afternoon, I've been anxious. I guess it comes with the territory. It's a major surgery and my life is definitely going to change. It's not just this idea or thing that may or may not happen after I jump through several dozen hoops. The hoops have been cleared and I AM getting the surgery.

It's the only thing I've thought about for the last year. So why am I freaking out?

It ridiculous really. I know this is what I want and what I need but now that it's set in stone (not exactly - I still don't have a date) I'm just terrified. It comes in waves of excitement and then terror and then elation followed by doubt. I'm not getting cold feet - that's not what this is about. It's just me working out in my head that I'm getting a really drastic surgery that I'm excited but realistically cautious about.

You kind of have to go into one of this kind of surgery with the idea that something bad could happen, right? Did anyone else feel this way?

I'm going through the same feelings . I am a single mom so I worry about what ifs??

Yes, not to worry, I think would be the aberration. It's super scary. I'm going to give myself a stomach ulcer before surgery. But I have come to terms with it through an analogy. In sailing one of the golden rules is: abandon ship only when you are stepping up to the dingy. In other words, the boat you are in is sinking and the dingy is actually the higher and safer option. With our weight 263, 278 and 265 our boat is sinking. Our heart and all the systems in our body are being taxed in ways that result in a significant loss of quality of life and life expectancy. It is then with the courage of a lone sailor, in the middle of the ocean, that we choose to step up to the dingy. We choose life! Should we look back at our sinking old boat with nostalgia for the once beautiful vessel that it was, absolutely. But it no longer is, what will keep us safe.

Let's rock in our dingy!