Growing up I did not have very great self esteem. I wasn't a fat kid but went through awkward stages. I felt like I was the ugly duckling growing up. My oldest sister is 5 years older than me and even though as a child she did have a weight problem I saw her as the Pretty one. We were close. She went into adult life with her weight problem until after her two children were born and then very unhealthily lost weight. I always feel like when a holiday rolls around my family is comparing everyone looking under a microscope at me. I have a great family and I love them but let's face it everyone's family is a bit disfunctional. I've lost weight in the past, a lot of weight, and absolutely loved the way I looked and felt. But I always come back to the same size again. I have been trying to figure it out. I really think I have an idea why I have part of my problem. I Love to cook. I'm good at it. But why do I love to cook? People love my food I make. I cook every holiday and for work and I get that praise I think I crave. Without it I disappear and I am the plain boring child in the family. Not my sister who has the looks and the talent. What will I have to offer without cooking for everyone all of the time? I've decided that I need to give that up and focus on me. I need to be happy and healthy for me. I have given up too much of myself through the years for others and ended up the unhappy one. I have a wonderful husband who says he loves me how I am now. But intimate moments are hard for me because of my weight I feel I look horrible and I can't be 100% comfortable and I feel I hold back on him. My feet hurt my back I have health issues and I know I look bad. This is why I am having surgery. I think I've discovered why and how I got here so maybe armed with this knowledge I can conquer this weight once and for all?

Why do you have to give up cooking for others? You don't. I enjoy cooking more now that I dont necessarily eat what I'm cooking.

Why do you have to give up cooking for others? You don't. I enjoy cooking more now that I dont necessarily eat what I'm cooking.

Not give up cooking but give up the reasons I do it.

I am an incredible cook .... I cook for every one and every event we attend. The difference these days is I'm cooking healthy and they are still eating my food. There was a method to my madness though, I wanted to make sure there was food I'd eat at the last dinner and was glad I did, more Pasta and pasta salads than anything else, and my healthy foods!

I am an incredible cook .... I cook for every one and every event we attend. The difference these days is I'm cooking healthy and they are still eating my food. There was a method to my madness though, I wanted to make sure there was food I'd eat at the last dinner and was glad I did, more Pasta and pasta salads than anything else, and my healthy foods!

Great point!