I just found out this past Tuesday that my surgery is scheduled for May 8th, a mere 4 weeks away and all of a sudden out of nowhere KABOOM, I am having meltdown. I think what's happening is its been such a long time in pre-op band land -- since Sept. 06 -- and rather than continue to complain and/or think out it, I suprisingly, spent this time acknowingly and really working on, for the first time in my life, my "food" issues. I have slowly begun to change my behaviors -- I detoxed off of refined carbs. (which hands down has been the number one hardest, yet by far the most important thing I did -- I just don't crave them anymore in the same way) addressing my inactive lifestlye and most importantly saying yes to life more than I say no.

In January 07, I changed my diet completely and have lost 30 lbs so far, I have never felt better in my life, my head is clear, I have alot of energy, I don't have any real physical hunger, bloodwork is great, blood pressure is fine, I feel really healthy, balanced and centered, yah da, yah da, yah da --other than I'm still carrying around an extra 80 lbs. on my 5'3 frame. My dream would be to continue what I'm doing and to lose another 80 pounds total. Its exciting to see the changes in myself on a day to day basis -- it ain't all been easy, but I am certainly having way more good days than bad and I'm taking it one day at a time. The changes in me and the power I am finding in taking control of my life and not simply reaching for -- albeit still thinking somewhat -- about food are so very new and exciting. Sometimes, I find myself weeping tears of joy silently to myself and often telling myself how proud I am -- everday I hold my head just a bit higher. I have only shared my surgery plan with about four people and that was probably out of necessity more than anything else. I've come to recoginze its ultimately not about the food for me its about finding other ways to nourish myself and recognizing my own strength, courage and wisdom.

So what's the problem -- I am really kind of angry that all of a sudden I am second guessing myself about having this procedure, as all the what if's are creeping in louder and louder -- are you compromising your health; is it worth the risk; are you giving to much power to a "band"; why can't you take simply take back your power and just plain do it by yourself; etc., etc. etc., I can't turn off all the mental noise. My concern is if I'm starting to feel this way presurgery with good nutrition no less am I going be utterly depressed post surgery with little to no nutrients to keep my mood in check? (oh and did I mention I never had and major illness or surgery before? I know that's gotta be playing a role in this too).

Bottom line, while I know it will ultimately be my decision, I wonder did anyone else find themselves in a presurgury panic?? Oh wise group --

care to chime and reassure me that this too is "normal" (or not).

I know deep down its now or never for me -- :think

Yes, I was paniced. I cried like a baby the day before my surgery saying to myself "I can't believe it has come to this". I am very happy being banded. And I wouldn't want it any other way now. Good luck in your journey. Julie