There have been many posts by people saying, "I'm not telling anybody...except my mom, sister, and two best friends" or something similar. Those people are choosing to tell very few close people and no one else. But they still have some personal support.

I really don't have any in-person support. I am telling my 13 year old daughter and my ex-husband only out of necessity, not for support reasons. That's it. No other family or friends will know about my surgery.

I guess my question is...how important is the in-person support post-op? Barring any complications I think I've got a good plan for taking care of my physical needs, but I am worried about my emotional needs. I know the first month is full of self-doubt, struggles, regrets, etc. I am hoping for the best and preparing myself for the worst. But I literally will have NO ONE in my real life to talk to about this.

Is this something that you can just go into hibernation mode for the first month, avoid all socializing, and focus on healing without having a strong support structure at home? I will continue to read and post things here on this site, but will that be enough?

I know you can't tell me how I will handle it all because there are so many variables, but how did YOU handle the first month? Was it really THAT hard emotionally?

P.S. I will eventually tell my closest family members, but not until I have reached and maintained my goal weight. I have very good reasons for not including them in this process.

Edited March 9, 201412 yr by Butterflyhigh

for me it was very difficult. l really needed my family. but as you said everyone is different. you are choosing the harder road. it`s worth looking into professional help. most bariatric teams include a psycologist. mine does and she has been very helpful as has everyone on this forum.

good luck and keep us posted on how you`re doing

Thanks.

I am trying to put together as much of a support system as I can. I will be heavily leaning on my surgeons office and wls forms for technical support such as dietary questions, pain issues, healing issues, etc.

I'm just not sure how "emotional" the whole first month is going to be.

Sounds to me like you have a great support group. For me this website was very valuable before during and after my surgery. I went to Mexico so I did not have local NUT councelling or Doctor visits. My doctor was only an email away. I have not told anyone in my life that I had the surgery and have had no issues with this. I think you will do fine.

Thanks.

I am trying to put together as much of a support system as I can. I will be heavily leaning on my surgeons office and wls forms for technical support such as dietary questions, pain issues, healing issues, etc.

I'm just not sure how "emotional" the whole first month is going to be.

You DO have somebody to talk to always. You have us, your fellow travelers on this wonderful weight loss journey. You are not alone!

Does the hospital, or even a nearby hospital, have a Bariatric support group?

I think it's important to have someone close to you to encourage you in person, but that person absolutely doesn't have to be "family"!!!

Can you sign on with a counselor, psychiatrist or psychologist, etc? Or maybe sign up for personal training and tell your trainer everything?

I understand not bringing certain friends/ family / coworkers into the loop - a lot of those people contributed to the stress and food-comfort in the first place! And your ex isn't a good option (even if he's a nice guy now that you aren't married) and your daughter doesn't need that burden.

You're never alone here! And where do you live? Maybe you're close to one of us here. You could also ask the nurses at the surgeon's office to put you in touch with a support group... Or even see if you can start one yourself!!

One other thought would be to search meetup.com - especially in big cities there are LOTS of interests represented - you might find folks that way too!

Your description of going into hibernation mode and avoiding social situations made me grin. That's pretty much me before and after surgery. I rarely talk about my problems or look for support from others anyways. My parents and sister call me about once a week to see how I'm doing, but it's not like I share my "innermost secrets" with them or anyone. I talk about my progress with my partner at work, but in more of a "matter of fact" , making conversation manner. It hasn't been all smooth sailing, but I really haven't had any major emotional breakdowns since surgery (no more than preop, anyways)

I guess this is just how I've learned to cope with life after being heartbroken by ex-boyfriends and let down by girlfriends in the past. Being alone is better than being hurt. As for socializing, I deal with stupid people at work all day long, and it's exhausting to restrain myself from not speaking my mind. So at the end of the day or on the weekend, I don't even want to be around the people I DO like. Yes, I am a bitter, cynical, unfeeling bitch

Butteflyhigh: I have no overt support system in place, by choice. This is my secret. I am 13 days post op and find it difficult to keep my mouth shut! I am so damn excited about losing 20 lbs, I want to shout it from the rooftops!! I was in the hospital two p.m.s . My surgeon automatically set me up with a visiting home nurse to check on me for a few days, more if I needed. That was reassuring. He also gave me his personal cellphone number, if I had any problems. I had none. So on day 5, a Sunday a.m., he called me to see how I was! I was flabbergasted! All that said, I have lurked daily on this forum for months, gleaning everyones' circumstances, and that helps me immensely. I will need to find a local support group and exercise group/ facility, once I am cleared for activity. I look forward to socializing with others in the same boat as me. Good luck.