When we lose weight, often times we begin online dating. For many people, they were heavy during the years that most people date, so they don't have a whole lot of experience with dating.

I've been online dating quite awhile. My last 3 relationships were with men I met online. My bf and I broke up in Octover so I am back looking at profiles and meeting new guys. This time I am going at it a little differently, because I live in the middle of nowhere . My son moved to the largest city in Oregon, Portland. I go there frequently now, to visit them ( mostly my 4 yr old granddaughter) So I decided to start looking there too, and it opened up a whole new pool of men.

I like the site ok cupid. They have all these questions, which if you see a profile you like, you can see how they answered the questions. I have used Plenty of Fish too, (POF for short)

This time it's different though, because I will be meeting men out of town . That brings up a whole new issue. Hotels. I don't stay with my son because they really don't have a guest room, and it's much easier on me to stay on my own. This makes it a lot harder since I have met someone I like. I want to go and see him. He is one of the few guys who has not brought up the subject of sex immediately, but I could see how staying in a hotel could make things sticky.

Anyway, I thought this was a good topic for the girls, because I know a lot of us are online dating and there are stories to share!

I'm only two and half weeks out but I often did online dating when I was at my heaviest. I plan on resuming, if I haven't met anyone, after my six month post op.

I would always use pictures the hid my biggest parts and would worry when I met the men that they would be upset that I was bigger than I thought. Of course they never said anything but I am looking forward to posting pics of me smaller than ever on those sites.

I do think that sex comes sooner with online relationships. I believe it is because you spend time getting to know them through messages before you actually meet. I think this allows us to be more intimate sooner. But those are my two cents and no one else's.

I'm not sure how staying in a hotel & meeting a man near his home (or in his town vs your town) makes the issue of sex more sticky than if you were meeting a man near your home. If you're staying in a hotel & visiting your son & meeting this man for dates, are you thinking that he will expect to come back to the hotel room for sex? To me that's not much different than if you were in in your own town & he wanted to come back to your house for sex. Seems like it would be handled the same way...yes or no, depending on whether you want that or not, and the geography of hotel vs house wouldn't really matter. Or am I missing something?

Kaip82 which online dating sites do you use? Do you think there are better men on the paid sites?

The guy in Portland wants me to stay at his house. I told him I would be getting a hotel.

He also wants to meet half way. We haven't decided if we would stay overnight because it's only a 2 hour drive. If we do that, which is what he said he wanted to do, I hope he knows we will be getting separate rooms. He has never brought up the topic of sex, and I brought it up on the phone last night. I told him that he is the first person that I have many phone conversations with that has not brought up the topic of sex. He said that he didn't feel that are ready at this point in our relationship .

I am amazed because like I said, most guys want to talk about sex on the phone.

I am supposed to meet another guy that only lives one hour away but he has been sick. I think he has that H1N1 flu. He's going to the doctor tomorrow.

Oregondaisy- I have used all of the sites at one point or another. I have had the best luck with POF but it's more work that the others. I call it dumpster diving because you have to sort through a lot of trash to find anything worth possibly keeping. Match.com works well for a lot of people, but I think that at 300 pounds I was too heavy for most of the men and what they were looking for. When I am thinner I plan on maybe trying it again. OK Cupid is interesting and tells you a lot about the person but all those people are on POF or Match too so I think it's kind if a waste of time.

If you want to, make it clear to him that you will have separate rooms, maybe even in different hotels. Always meet somewhere, never let them pick you up. The one nice thing about not being at home is you don't have to let them know where you live. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I generally don't let anyone know where my house is until after the third or fourth date. A girl has to be careful these days!

What do you do if you are dating two of them at once?

the one is 4 hours and I really would like to keep seeing him but I am not sure what is going to happen with the one only 1 hour away. I don't see why I can't date both of them, but I sure don't want to be having sex with 2 people.

What do you do if you are dating two of them at once?

the one is 4 hours and I really would like to keep seeing him but I am not sure what is going to happen with the one only 1 hour away. I don't see why I can't date both of them, but I sure don't want to be having sex with 2 people.

When I tried online dating after I got divorced I enjoyed dating several men at once. It's true that decisions have to made about who you will sleep with and when, but just because you're dating more than one man doesn't always mean that you're sleeping with more than one. It's a balance, and you have to figure out what feels right to you. Good luck!

What do you do if you are dating two of them at once?

the one is 4 hours and I really would like to keep seeing him but I am not sure what is going to happen with the one only 1 hour away. I don't see why I can't date both of them, but I sure don't want to be having sex with 2 people.

I think it's very much expected that online daters are seeing more than just one person during the early dates.

I think that after 5 dates or so it's still more than ok but I would consider being upfront about it to everyone involved just to avoid any hurt feelings anywhere.

Oh and make sure you have fun!!

I would go out and have a nice evening. Don't mention where you are staying. I always met the man somewhere for the first time. If you get too caught up with the minor details of the night before it happens you may come off as tense or miss out in an awesome time with someone. Of course if he ask where your staying I wouldn't lie either. If asked be honest. You usually get a room when you visit due to lack if space. That way he don't get the idea you did it in anticipation of a sexual encounter because it's something you usually do. Then move to next subject. So your not nervously offering info of your room which could cause awkwardness for both And your also being honest when asked a question. And I'm sure we can all appreciate honesty.

Thanks everyone! It's crazy to me that I am still dealing with all of this at my age.

I hope this thread will live on becasue I know there's a lot of women who start to meet guys this way, and always have the question of "what do I do about my skin" Nobody wants to get intimate if they are uncomfortable with loose skin.

Usually by the time it gets to that point, you have told them about your surgery and all they care about is getting you naked.

There's always questions that come up when people start online dating for the first time, after they have lost weight.

Oh goodness, just reading this thread made me break out in a cold sweat. I very much want to start online dating but am too terrified to take the plunge. I keep telling myself 10 more pounds, or when I get to X size I will. I think I need to be happy with myself before I even attempt to let someone else in. Not to mention the pictures. Still refuse to take pictures so my profile would be one of those gray silhouettes LOL!

Oregon, did you wait until you got to goal to start?

Keep us posted with how things turn out!

Oh goodness, just reading this thread made me break out in a cold sweat. I very much want to start online dating but am too terrified to take the plunge. I keep telling myself 10 more pounds, or when I get to X size I will. I think I need to be happy with myself before I even attempt to let someone else in. Not to mention the pictures. Still refuse to take pictures so my profile would be one of those gray silhouettes LOL!

Oregon, did you wait until you got to goal to start?

Keep us posted with how things turn out!

I really want to to respond to this, but I also hesitate because my husband & I have just decided to split up. However, our breakup really doesn't have anything to do with my point, which is that attractiveness is often more about self-confidence and your general attitude than it is about the number on the scale. My hubs & I met via online dating when I was around 270 or 280 lbs. I have always had pretty healthy self-esteem & I didn't worry about the men who would not be attracted to me because of my weight. I know that I don't personally find every guy attractive (including some who are physically good looking but just don't rev my engine), so to me it seemed perfectly reasonable to accept that not every man would find me attractive. I met about 10-12 men online, had one date only with about 6 of them & had multiple dates with about 5 & married the last one. One thing he always told me was that my confidence and my attitude were very sexy to him. I am now smaller than he's ever seen me, and he still thinks I am beautiful. Our separation does not seem (on the surface) to be connected to my surgery, but it's very, very new & I'm still figuring it all out. But for what it's worth, don't sell yourself short. Get out there & let yourself shine!

No, I didn't start when I was at goal. I started when I was probably a size 16. I put honest pictures up and said I had recently begun working out and really enjoying it and expected I would be losing more weight in my profile.

My first online relationship lasted 3 years. We lived together for 2 of them. It broke up because he quit his job and I told him he could not live in my house without a job.

The next one lasted a little over a year. It broke up because of his kids. they were very jealous of him seeing another woman other than their mother, even though there was no chance of them getting back together. In the end, he let them have their way.

This last one lasted 2.5 years. It broke up because I could not take how cheap and what a tight wad he was. It got out of hand.

I really want to to respond to this, but I also hesitate because my husband & I have just decided to split up. However, our breakup really doesn't have anything to do with my point, which is that attractiveness is often more about self-confidence and your general attitude than it is about the number on the scale. My hubs & I met via online dating when I was around 270 or 280 lbs. I have always had pretty healthy self-esteem & I didn't worry about the men who would not be attracted to me because of my weight. I know that I don't personally find every guy attractive (including some who are physically good looking but just don't rev my engine), so to me it seemed perfectly reasonable to accept that not every man would find me attractive. I met about 10-12 men online, had one date only with about 6 of them & had multiple dates with about 5 & married the last one. One thing he always told me was that my confidence and my attitude were very sexy to him. I am now smaller than he's ever seen me, and he still thinks I am beautiful. Our separation does not seem (on the surface) to be connected to my surgery, but it's very, very new & I'm still figuring it all out. But for what it's worth, don't sell yourself short. Get out there & let yourself shine!

Yes, I know my self esteem definitely took a hit these past 2 years. Slowly, but surely, I am getting it back though! Just the fact I'm even considering it is a huge step for me! Thank you for the pep talk. I need to get over myself sometimes

We can do profile reviews here. I had Cowgirl Jane help me with mine.

I have a different one on POF and I have one on a paid site, Senior People Meet.

That's where I found this one guy I am supposed to meet on Friday.

I have just fired up the online dating thing again myself and admit... that although i am successful at getting interest from men, I am not finding it to be a satisfying experience so far. More on that another time, but I did want to share that i seem to have a knack for getting guys to pour their guts out to me...lol. I don't ASK, but have been told some crazy things about their dating and their impressions of women they meet.

One of the first universals that i have heard over and over is being annoyed/pissed/turned off by women who post photos that are out of date or are misleading in terms of either weight or "face pretty". What I have heard is that they might have even been okay with the extra pounds, but they didn't like being lied to which is how it can be interpeted. I relate to that because i have had several "meetings" where the guy looks 20 years older than his photo...sigh... and I guess I feel the same way - kind of lied to. One guy I met told me there is a name for the shots that are boobs and above - hiding weight around the middle and lower body but I can't recall what he said. Anyway, my point is that you might consider getting a flattering full body pic even if you are heavier than you want to be. Not all guys insist on a skinny girl, many like a little roundness - just be honest about it. Why waste time meeting someone that is going to be turned off by your true appearance.

The other shocker has been letting some of these guys run their mouths about just how many women they have met and had sex with. My word - one fellow was married most of his life, got divorced at about 50 and then his record count of partners in around 18 months might have shocked a streetwalker. I don't think he even realized how much he was revealing to me. I get it that people do a little exploring, but crud! I suspect, and i know this sounds horrible, but i suspect that SOME of them will go out with just about anyone for a few dates if they think sex is in the lineup soon. No problem until the diseases and stuff show up, right?

I think that alot of men are as frustrated as the women are and I am still puzzling that out, but bottom line - I am disillusioned with online dating. I met someone that I really care about online - but it was more of a casual fling thing - but after 8+ months of that I am ready for more, someone who has more time and wants a true relationship. We care for each other - but it isn't meant to be. What I have to remind myself about him is that since neither of us were looking for a serious relationship that I focused on different things like looks...haha... and didn't concern myself with some of the criteria i have in mind now. Well, it kind of turned out that he has ALOT of other great characteristics (and plenty of bad) that I did not detect until I had known him for many months. I think the online dating thing makes it so easy to be too picky, too selective on the WRONG things.

My final remark is there are a lot of liars. I know this more indirectly... a platonic friend I met through POF (I have done better making new platonic friends than finding a real boyfriend, funny isn't it?) told me that one of his friends is on POF and most of his profile is a big lie. His goal is just to get laid and his profile is intentionally misleading. I think I also met one of those guys who claimed to be looking for a serious relationship but his behavior contridacted that.

So that is my rant of the day. I keep saying I will try speed dating, and I do think that is in the cards for 2014...

There are lots of suggestions to join meetup groups to find people. I have mixed feelings about that too as I went to a cocktail party hosted by a meetup group. I felt so uncomfortable and on display like a meat market....yikes, I hated it. I basically found a couple of fellow single women to talk to ... I am also a member of some hiking and other activity meet up groups and did a few things but nothing came of it yet. I will try to do more of that this year, but i have a slightly different tack in mind. I am going to take a few lessons to learn some social activities that I never learned as an obese person. I am trying a little skiing this winter. I think when the weather gets better, i am going to learn how to kayak, maybe even a little sailing or golf class. I don't know, just getting out there finding new activities. My main hobby is horseback riding and that is NOT a good way to meet men...lol. I figure that taking a few lessons on some healthy fun hobbies might at least make me new friends and that's not all bad, is it?