Forty Three years ago, a nine year old boy was put in a prison of his own making.

It was that year that I started getting fat.

My prison bars were soft, and warm, and they grew in strength every year.

I tried to break out when I was 13. I tried to tunnel through my prison walls of fat with a 1000 calorie diet. But the security was too good, and the walls came back, thicker and stronger than ever.

I tried to escape numerous times since then. But to no avail. The closer I got to the outside world the farther I dropped back into the prison when I failed.

It's lonely in here. There are places I cannot go. The chairs don't fit. There are things I cannot do. Imagine taking a prison with you everywhere! I have to drag my prison around. Shopping, movies, up and down stairs.

I can see the beautiful world outside, I can smell the roses on the evening breeze. From my extra large La-Z-Boy. I can hear the laughter of the skinny and the free.

When you look at me don't see the prison, see the prisoner within. Stare into my eyes, you might just catch a glimpse. Inside, I'm thin, and young, and studly. No, nevermind. I see myself reflected in the windows at the bank. Confronted with my image, even I forget the little prisoner within.

Now, today, I got a date to go before the Parole Board. They'll put a band on my stomach, it'll ease me out of prison. If I do right I'll be free. If I do right I'll stay free. I want to do right. I want to be free.

Free of the stares, and the stairs. Free of the sideways glance in public. Free of the need to see if I'm really the fattest person in the room.

November 16, 2004. You seem so far away. Until then I'll dream of what I'll do as I earn my new freedom. I built this prison one bar at a time, and that's how the walls will tumble.

Until then, I'll look out the bars, and wait, and wonder, and hope.

Ryan,

Your talent is AMAZING! After reading your your "prison" story, I sat fixated and couldn't formulate even a single word to truly express how much I was moved. We can all relate to your frustration. I wish you much success with your weight loss. We will all be here for you through every stage of your banding. I truly hope your wife recovers quickly.

Gail

Ryan all I can say is WOW! Your post brought tears to my eves. Dont ever leave us. My prayers are with you and your wife. Happy to hear that you have a date. Its time we all got out of jail...Janie

Ryan,

What can I say that hasn't already been said?

There is no need. Just know that I think I speak for everyone when I say we all love that part of your soul that we all seem to share in some form or fashion. Human emotion is a universal thing, but it takes a special kind of person to be able to share theirs in words. You help put a voice to those very private, but not always expressed parts of all of us.

I truly hope both you and your wife can find some sense of recovery and re-gain that life which you both so richly deserve.

Leatha

Ryan... Lucky Wife and Lucky LapBandTalk for having you and your writing talents! I can't wait to see your release from prison!

Darcy

This really is a great thread, but to shift gears for a second...

How many of you ever seen the movie, "Count of Monte Cristo" ?(not sure about the spelling)

Well, for those of us that HAVE seen it, remember the years "Edmond" spent in prison he developed wisdom, knowledge, strength and MANY other skills. So when he escaped from prison, he had become wiser, more knowledgable, stronger etc.... kinda like WE are!!!

I TRULY thank God for MY prison! Because I know - no doubt - that my "prison" has made me a better person...... MUCH kinder, more sensitive to the needs of others, waaaaay more understanding - and other valuable virtues.

Kinda like "Edmond", I wouldnt have gained ANY of it - if it wouldnt have been for my "prison life".

I took a little poetic license with the Prison post, but you are so right.

I cannot see the future and I do not know how all this will turn out, but I have a feeling that, somewhere down the corridor of time, I will come to a place where I realize that my life as a fat man stood me in good stead.

There have been other things in my life that I thought really sucked at the time, and it turned out that I would have missed out on something positive had it not been for my "misfortune".

I already know that these layers of fat have played an enormous (pun intended) part in who and what I am today. I feel I am more compassionate because of the pain I have felt from others. I am slower to criticize or ridicule others. I feel more able to accept people, and even life itself, at face value, because I would like to be accepted that way myself.

I work with prisoners and some of them talk about how the experience can change them for the better, make them look at their own lives. One said "Webster, I thought my crime only had one victim until I came here. I saw the look on my wife's face, and the shame and horror in my children's eyes, and I realized I victimized so many people, including my own family."

But now that these soft warm chains, forged by many a second helping, have made me a better person, it's time to sever them and walk free to be a better person for a longer time.

We do live by and grow by our life experiences. Whether that is being overweight, overcoming a terminal illness, having or loving someone w/ a chronic illness, etc. There are so many things that can make a person bitter. But fortunately we can also use that event and knowledge to better improve our life and others around us.