I need a little advice on reassuring my husband. He told me last night that he keeps having dreams that I leave him. He has been having them for several weeks. I am not sure if it is my surgery or my work schedule. I am working nights right now and we are not able to see much of each other. I see him Sunday morning and then not until Wednesday evening. My work schedule will be changing next week and we will be able to see more each other, but I hate that he is feeling like this. I am worried that since I have lost weight he might have some insecurities. I love him dearly and we have a good strong marriage. We have been married for 10 years. He knows I love him, but I hate that he is having these dreams.

Any suggestions?

I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. My husband was the same way the first couple months. I reassured him all the time but it finally took a long sit down talk and I put everything on the table for him. I made him his favorite dinner and dessert one night and when we were almost done I started my speech. I told him that I love him and only him. Told him all the reasons why I do love him and thanked him for all his support during the whole process before and after and I finally asked him "why would I leave you when you loved me for me . Through all the good and bad times we've went through. I am not going to leave you for someone who wouldn't have even looked at me when I was bigger." That caught him off guard and he thought about it for awhile. He knows how I am and that seemed to have settled it for us. I keep reassuring him with little things like his favorite foods or Desserts even if I can't have them or getting him a movie he wants to see or video game. He then knows I listen to him and really do love and care for him. It gets better with time.

HW:331 SW:319 11-26-12 CW: 196 8-16-13 GW:170

That's hard and I wish I had better insight on how to help the situation, but just love on him. Time spent apart is hard on any marriage and to add the insecurity of wls

Hugs

I'm going through the same problem with my husband, he's convinced that once the weight comes off I'm going right out &start dating we've been together for almost 30yrs. It's hard to make him believe that I'm not going anywhere, all you can do is be 're-assuring, maybe surprise him & take him on a date. Good luck I'm sure you'll get through this tough time& look back & laugh. Peace,Mary

We talked tonight and he said his dreams are that he is walking down the street wondering what I am doing after I have left him.

I asked him if he thought it was the weight loss or working nights and he said he was not sure. I went on to ask him if he was scared I was going to leave him now that I have lost the weight. His response was it had never crossed his mind, but thanks to me asking it was. We both laughed and are really looking forward to my schedule change next week.

One way to ease his fears would be to start leaving him love notes everywhere, like the kitchen table, the fridge, living room, bathrooms mirror and of course, save the naughty ones for the bedroom.

Text him during the night even if he is asleep. Remind him how much you miss him and wish you'd be cuddling with him. Who doesn't like waking up to a sweet text from their loved one.

Leave on the fridge a schedule of couples activities for when your work schedule normalizes and you finally get to spend time together. It will give him something to look forward to and refocus his mind on.