I have my final NUT appt Wednesday and I'm so ashamed. I haven't been eating less and better. Instead, I think I'm still having my food funeral. It seems like everything I see, I want to cram it in my mouth!!! The Dr. had me do the 2 week liquid diet at my first NUT appt and I did very well with it. Lost 14 lbs. It was hard, but I managed to do it. But for the last 2 months, it just seems like I can't get enough to eat!!

I do feel that I'm mentally ready for this surgery. I'm so ready to start losing. Things I won't miss keep going through my mind. Being able to actually walk in a store and buying clothes instead of online. Being able to actually get tennis shoes on and tied. Being able to go outside and play with my son. Not going to concerts and movies because I can't fit in the seats. (passed up going to Bon Jovi because of that). Going to a restuarant and having to ask for a table because there is NO way I'm going to fit in the booth. Wearing my seat belt comfortably. Always driving my van because of being afraid of not fitting in someone else's car. I could go on and on and on.

I'm sitting here in tears now as I type this. I'm so afraid of this failing too. I keep thinking, everything else I've tried has failed, why not this too? I know I've got to do this! I've got severe sleep apnea, start of high blood pressure, my feet and ankles swell so bad I can't wear anything but flip flops. I want to do this so I can be active with my son. Right now, I can't do anything with him! Not even take him to the movies!!!!

I guess I'm rambling, but I know you guys will listen to me and not judge me!!! I guess I'm looking for some encouragement.

^{We've all been through this "final freakout". It is a good reminder that you need this tool, but you also need to learn better self control. I had terrible self control. After surgery (atleast for me) its much easier because you don't want mess up your last chance.}