I wanted to post an update, even though it’s kind of difficult for me to share pictures this year.
I’m three years out from my surgery. My start weight was 242 (I’m 5’1”) and my goal was 135 pounds. I reached my goal about 17 months post op. I was never really able to stay at 135 very easily but maintained almost effortlessly between 137-141 pounds. I was quite happy there and have no problems with that weight, even if it technically puts me in the “overweight” category. The BMI chart is a creation of evil, anyway.
Two years post op I chose to get pregnant. I gained 35 pounds between hormone injections and pregnancy. I delivered my daughter almost four months ago.
Today I weigh 143 pounds. I’ve been working to shed the baby weight. As before, the last 10-15 pounds just don’t want to come off. I know that my body will change a lot in the coming year as I get back to where I was prior to having my daughter. Right now I’m feeling pretty insecure about my hips/thighs and upper arms. I also don’t like that I feel “lumpy” – my smooth hourglass figure isn’t back yet.
But I can't deny that it felt good to climb into my size 20 jeans today to snap a quick picture. The ruffled top I'm wearing doesn't really help show the difference but I'm pretty sure two of me could fit into those pants. Today I wear a solid six and a small in most tops (sometimes a medium) so I really cannot complain.
I don’t want this to be a post about my diet or lifestyle; I’m here enough that you can easily search out what I have to say about those things.
I do want to stress that my third year was harder than the previous years. For starters, going from maintenance into a gain was HARD, even if I did it to have a healthy child. Shifting into loss again has been a real challenge.
I also find that the farther I get from surgery, the more I see that very little of my unhappiness stemmed from my weight. My weight was a symptom of the damage I had going on inside of me. Sure, I had some genetic causes to help me pack on the pounds. But the majority of it was all in my head. The sleeve was not my magic bullet. It doesn’t just work on it’s own. The only thing it does for me is keep me from burying my sorrows or my stresses in a tub full of ice cream (darn lactose intolerance) or from eating a pan of brownies. I can still eat ice cream (and suffer for it) or eat those brownies one by one.
Working on ME and trying to find ways to not rely on food or alcohol in times of stress has become critical and while it's not a daily struggle, it can still be a challenge at times. I still feel no hunger. But I do get hormonal and have the desire to eat. I do get sad and have the desire to eat. I do sit and mindlessly do what other people are doing if I’m not paying attention.
I say this over and over again and I’m going to repeat myself for the umpteenth time: If you do not work on the issues that made you fat in the first place, you are going to have a very difficult time with maintenance. Maintenance is by far the hardest part of this process and it DOES NOT END. There is no finish line, there is no “GOAL!” there is just the need to stay continually vigilant and to avoid slipping into those ingrained, years-old habits and feelings. This is not about food for most of us. This is certainly not about food for me. This is about me using food to self-medicate, to hide, for pleasure, as a cornerstone of socializing – as everything BUT fuel and sustenance. Removing my stomach only gave me portion control; it did not fix anything that caused the issues in the first place.
I’m heading into my fourth year and I’m pleased to say that I would do my surgery again in a heartbeat. I’m happier than I have ever been in my life, even considering the small personal struggles I've had to face since surgery. This surgery didn't just help me lose weight. It gave me a chance to live a better life. I can beat myself up and be unhappy about little, minor things but at the end of the day, I’m 100 pounds lighter and once upon a time I would have given anything to look the way I do now.
I wanted to post an update, even though it’s kind of difficult for me to share pictures this year.
I’m three years out from my surgery. My start weight was 242 (I’m 5’1”) and my goal was 135 pounds. I reached my goal about 17 months post op. I was never really able to stay at 135 very easily but maintained almost effortlessly between 137-141 pounds. I was quite happy there and have no problems with that weight, even if it technically puts me in the “overweight” category. The BMI chart is a creation of evil, anyway.
Two years post op I chose to get pregnant. I gained 35 pounds between hormone injections and pregnancy. I delivered my daughter almost four months ago.
Today I weigh 143 pounds. I’ve been working to shed the baby weight. As before, the last 10-15 pounds just don’t want to come off. I know that my body will change a lot in the coming year as I get back to where I was prior to having my daughter. Right now I’m feeling pretty insecure about my hips/thighs and upper arms. I also don’t like that I feel “lumpy” – my smooth hourglass figure isn’t back yet.
But I can't deny that it felt good to climb into my size 20 jeans today to snap a quick picture. The ruffled top I'm wearing doesn't really help show the difference but I'm pretty sure two of me could fit into those pants. Today I wear a solid six and a small in most tops (sometimes a medium) so I really cannot complain.
I don’t want this to be a post about my diet or lifestyle; I’m here enough that you can easily search out what I have to say about those things.
I do want to stress that my third year was harder than the previous years. For starters, going from maintenance into a gain was HARD, even if I did it to have a healthy child. Shifting into loss again has been a real challenge.
I also find that the farther I get from surgery, the more I see that very little of my unhappiness stemmed from my weight. My weight was a symptom of the damage I had going on inside of me. Sure, I had some genetic causes to help me pack on the pounds. But the majority of it was all in my head. The sleeve was not my magic bullet. It doesn’t just work on it’s own. The only thing it does for me is keep me from burying my sorrows or my stresses in a tub full of ice cream (darn lactose intolerance) or from eating a pan of brownies. I can still eat ice cream (and suffer for it) or eat those brownies one by one.
Working on ME and trying to find ways to not rely on food or alcohol in times of stress has become critical and while it's not a daily struggle, it can still be a challenge at times. I still feel no hunger. But I do get hormonal and have the desire to eat. I do get sad and have the desire to eat. I do sit and mindlessly do what other people are doing if I’m not paying attention.
I say this over and over again and I’m going to repeat myself for the umpteenth time: If you do not work on the issues that made you fat in the first place, you are going to have a very difficult time with maintenance. Maintenance is by far the hardest part of this process and it DOES NOT END. There is no finish line, there is no “GOAL!” there is just the need to stay continually vigilant and to avoid slipping into those ingrained, years-old habits and feelings. This is not about food for most of us. This is certainly not about food for me. This is about me using food to self-medicate, to hide, for pleasure, as a cornerstone of socializing – as everything BUT fuel and sustenance. Removing my stomach only gave me portion control; it did not fix anything that caused the issues in the first place.
I’m heading into my fourth year and I’m pleased to say that I would do my surgery again in a heartbeat. I’m happier than I have ever been in my life, even considering the small personal struggles I've had to face since surgery. This surgery didn't just help me lose weight. It gave me a chance to live a better life. I can beat myself up and be unhappy about little, minor things but at the end of the day, I’m 100 pounds lighter and once upon a time I would have given anything to look the way I do now.
~Cheri