I am really stuggling. I was banded Sept 04. I have reached my goal. I started at 282 pounds and have reached 148 pounds. But the last few pounds have been reached by severely restricting my food intake. Some(my doctors) would even say anorexia. I have a latte for breakfeast. Then diet coke during the day, sometimes a carrot. Then I only eat a meal at night every third day or so when I am with company (I live alone). I just want to be an acceptable size in society. My bmi is 24 and I have been getting compliments from friends and family. I am confused because my Dr is hitting the roof and saying I have to eat. But I just want to meet someone who will accept me. I will have to have cosmetic surgery before that will happen and they always want you to be at goal weight for that.

I have had two Drs this week tell me I have to start eating. But I don't want to put on weight. I like that I can feel my collar bones. They tell me the reason I am feeling depressed and confused is because I am not eating. I don't know what to do.

I am scared if I start eating I won't stop.

Josy

I am scared to start eating. I don't want to lose what I have achieved in terms of weight loss.

How about making a trade with yourself? Figure out the calorie burn in an hour of aerobic exercise and then eat that amount? Like half-hour run alternating w/ 1 hour fast walk equals a small apple & 6 oz of canned salmon. That way you'll get not only the nutrition but the benefit aerobic exercise has on fighting depression.

Devana - my head is really messed up at the moment - a frozen meal seems too big. It freaks me out to think of eating that much in one go so I just don't eat at all.

Mizboo - I really liked your analogy about the tool, it has given me something to think about. I guess I have to start trusting in the band again. I'm just scared because like most of us I have lost weight before but have never maintained. The eating disordered behaviour didn't start until I reached goal. (Obviously I've had an eating disorder in the past). I personally know 2 people who have the band, lost the weight and are now bigger than they started so there are no guarantees. One is even thinking of having the band removed.

I really appreciate everyone's messages. I was feeling so alone, like I was facing this battle all by myself. It has been so good to post about my struggles and get words of encouragement and suggestions.

Its been a really rough week. I've had two Drs tell me I have to start eating but they don't understand the panic inside my head. And the fear that if I start I just won't stop, cause that is my pattern. Because I'm generally more of a binger than a restricter. And I love having a BMI of 24, just being a normal size. I don't want to lose that.

Thanks again. I am going to print out all the posts so I can take them with me to work to remind me that I am not alone in this struggle.

Josy

Oh honey! (((hugs)))

you must eat. MUST EAT. If the doctors don't understand the panic inn your head, make them understand.

Go back and re-read what Wheetsin said. Then read it again. (((hugs)))

Real acceptance has nothing to do with the outside. NOTHING TO DO WITH THE OUTSIDE.

I faught tooth and nail to not fall in love with my husband. I didn't want to fall in love with a man who weighed more than 400 pounds. I loved him when he weighed over 600 pounds too. That was very difficult, but I loved him then too. He's back to around 400 pounds, and still needs to hit the gym.

I got over it. I love him, and he's the one for me.

It's not about the outside.

Josy,

So what if you get plastic surgery to look better? Who doesn't want to look their best? I don't think anyone needs to justify looking better... but that is just me.

As for the eating issue... your brain is a big fat glucose hog and requires a lot of energy to function. If you are not eating anything then it will pretty much stop processing "unnecessary" functions like cognitive thinking & emotional processing in order to keep you breathing and conscious.

Here is a link to a site that will calculate your resting metabolic rate, or the minimum number of calories you should eat in order to maintain your weight without exercising:

www.shapeup.org/interactive/rmr1.php - 4k

You need to see a counselor. Your problems are in your head, not your body. Well, the way you're not eating, they're in your body. You've changed from obesity to anorexia, one extreme to another. Neither the first nor the last to do so, but you need to deal with it.

Also, why is your goal so low? There are VERY few of us, at least if we've lost more than 50 to 70, who will ever reach a BMI of 25. No big deal. We should find a weight and size where we are HAPPY, and the HAPPY and CONTENTED is not based on size, or shouldn't be. I was at 30 BMI when I had my plastic surgery, and will never see 25 BMI unless I'm dead, and maybe not then. No big deal.

Really, find a person to talk to besides just us. You're starving yourself now.

dan/honu

www.mylapband.tk

But I just want to meet someone who will accept me. I will have to have cosmetic surgery before that will happen and they always want you to be at goal weight for that.

Josy

What about those of us who are/were happliy married/in a relationship as obese people? My husband married me at over 300 and I know he loved me then as much as he does now. Your body size, saggy skin, whatever cannot be used as an excuse to keep love away.

I agree with Fauxnaif BUT if you don't accept yourself then it is hard to find someone who is emotionally healthy to accpet you either.

There are a lot of emotionally unhealthy people out there that will gravitate towards those that use their imperfections as a way to beat themselves up. I had to buy SEVERAL tickets to the freak show before I learned that little fact of life.

I don't think your doctors are trying to minimize your fear or panic... but I think they want to deal with those things when your brain has had some of the much needed nutrition that it requires.

Build up if you have to. Add a small chicken breast strip, or can of tuna to your routine, then a slice of cheese, or something. Build it up slowly, I don't think you have to dive it and start eating normally 'tomorrow', you know? But you definately need to get some nutrients to your body. It's likely that your loss will stall, and you will fluctuate some, but that's gonna be your muscles building themselves back up, etc. You'll need to give that time to settle.

I hope you get to feeling better!!