I want plastics, I need plastics, I have saved the $$$ for them.

I would say that in the end, even the process of going through the "consults" has helped me feel alot better about my body and helped me work through dismorphia issues. All good.

And yet, the whole process has given me alof of stress.

Monday morning I woke up in a full on anxiety attack. I am not prone to those, however, when my sister died a very slow and painful death 6 years ago, they did creep into my life. I did some emdr therapy and felt I had moved on past it, but this week i realized that I have not.

There is anxiety (normal and acceptable and it is okay to feel this and not worry about feeling it) and there is freakout mode which is where I was.

I just started seeing a counselor and we spent a whole hour talking about it. Between that and the many hours my poor friends have had to listen to - i have come to realize something. I have normal anxiety over the prospect of surgery. My over the top freakout anxiety is actually unresolved trauma from that past experience.

I am basically an optimist, so at some level, I am glad this has happened. This weight loss journey has been about changing my life, from the inside out and I have found, or rather rediscovered some demons that need to be tamed. I am going to do more post traumatic stress type therapy because I don't want this hanging out over my head the whole rest of my life.

and the plastics - I will do them. I think I am mentally prepared now to do it (oh, there will be stress) but yesterday I found out my main caregiver post op/support person's older brother is gravely ill and may be dying - we just don't know. So now I am feeling like maybe the powers that be are sending me signals that a delay should be considered.

hmmm

But in the meantime, I am off to play with horses with a bunch of other horse crazy people and their beloved horses too all weekend long!!! There will be tons of long rides through new terrain, there will be campfires, live country music and dancing. FUN!

I cannot say it enough times, I love life normal sized. Damn, who knew???

I'm glad you're finding ways to work through things. No advice, just a thank you for sharing. The less I feel the need to fix in myself, the more those hidden issues creep out in my life, too. Perhaps now that you're really about to cross that big finish line those last few hurts are working their way out. While painful, stressful and of course, no fun to face, it can't all be bad in the end to talk about these things and work through them.

Best to you, and enjoy those horses!

~Cheri

sorry... wrong post - having a dull moment!

Plastics is a huge physical and emotional roller coaster - whilst the pain of the actual surgery isn't that bad, the recovery is long and arduous. There have been days over the last 6 weeks when I have wondered what the hell I am playing at - there have been tears for no reason, mood swings, anger and frustration... but as the weeks pass it all lessens and I am slowly returning to my normal mood swings...lol.

As long as you expect the unexpected you can't go far wrong. And however much you read peoples stories' and research each procedure, remember that each and every one of us are unique!

Good luck on your Quest for the new you.. keep us updated!

Oh and your weekend sounds amazing!!

I had a great weekend!

My main support person is having a family crisis and asked me to postpone... so even though I had "steeled my nerves" I am delaying. It is all good and I am going to work on this trauma feeling from the past and like I said, I am almost glad this came up in a way that i need to face it. Life just gets better when you deal with things rather then try to dull the pain with food or something like that.