So for some reason today my brain started to toss all kids of stuff around in my head out of no where. I was driving to work today and just started to get this panic feeling. Am I doing the right thing? Am I ready for this? Will I fail again at losing weight?

Then after all that I start to think about all the things I still need to do before surgery. I have so much to do to get ready and time is ticking away. Still looking for Protein I like and continue to like more then a month. Will I be able to cook good things all the time instead of eating out all the time just because it’s easy?

Also everyone I know knows I am going in for surgery for my weight but will that help with them not talking me in to bad habits? I don’t know and the panic sets in all over.

Will I get approved by my insurance? Will they say no after I spent all this time with testing and everything else to just be let down.

It got so bad that I went to McDonalds and got 2 double cheese burgers a 20 piece nugget and a large coke, then ate it in shame in my car during my break.

I don’t have a day for surgery yet. I still have one more test in Jan. then everything is done and paper work can be sent in.

I am tired of people trying to talk me out of surgery and poking jokes about it. I am just tired of a lot of things. I am tired of feeling like I look one way and in the mirror I am showed the truth. I have no energy any more, no drive to do anything but sit at home alone.

I just needed to vent and get stuff off my chest and figured this would be the best place to do so. I am not sure if anyone feels the same or felt the same as this before or even after surgery.

Don't worry Tap, you are definitely not the only one to feel this way! You have a responsibility to do what is best for you though and I totally sympathize with sitting in the house feeling drained and not doing anything. That is a big reason for my having the surgery, I'm so tired of having no energy...I want to get out and live my life for a change! Sounds like you're heading in the right direction and being worried about all of those things is a good sign I think that you are really ready to change!

Don't worry Tap you will do fine! But you have to stop the trips to McDonalds! You are hurting yourself! I don't know if your dr said anything but mine would not operate if you gained over 10 lbs before surgery! Don't do that to yourself! I am 4 weeks post surgery ! It gets easier, I' m not Hungary! I do find it hard to get all the watering! Bit you can do it! Think positive thoughts!!

Ok, I feel bad invading the man room with all my estrogen but I had to tell you that you are NOT alone! I questioned myself so many times. I didn't talk openly with many about what I'd planned because I didn't want to hear others' opinions about what I knew I needed to do for my health. Of the few friends I told, one freaked out and went on and on about the mistake I was making... all that drama coming from botox & liposuction girl! =) I even wrote in my journal to my young son the night before my surgery just in case I died on the table! When I doubted myself, I tried to remember all the reasons TO have surgery. I can say without doubt, almost a year later, that I made the right decision and if there is any regret, it's that I didn't do it sooner.

I also totally get the double cheeseburger thing. Food was a coping mechanism for me for much of my life. I remember the feeling of calm I'd experience when I was stressed and I decided to eat something. Being sleeved has really helped with my food issues. Now that I feel better about myself, it's easier for me to slow down when I'm stressed or upset and look for a healthier outlet.

Good luck to you!