I haven’t even had the sugary yet and I have already noticed my husband being distant. At first he seemed to be real supportive but now that he sees this is really going to happen I have noticed changes. He doesn’t want to talk about it and seems to get annoyed if I even bring it up! He says we will talk about it closer to surgery date. The other night he had the nerve to say he sees me changing. I just don’t get it. I am so hurt that he would feel that after I lose the weight I will crave other men’s attention. I tried to tell him that has not even crossed my mind! I mean even being overweight I get male attention so wtf is he really saying?

I am trying to show him that I am doing this to get the healthy not just for me but him and our kids. Being overweight has changed me so much. I am often depressed and isolated. I don’t even want to get out of the house because I hate being overweight! I have tried and tried to lose weight and I always fail! Another man is the last damn reason I would be having surgery. If a man didn’t want me at my worst I sure don’t think he deserves me at my best.

He also has gained weight over the years and I really thing that he is not happy with himself either. He just tries to hide it. Our 7 year daughter told him last night he should have the surgery with me and he said he was going to lose weight on his on! Well good for him. I will support him either way. However the fact is don’t try to bring me down because you are miserable with yourself and try to put this on me..

And to top that off he keeps bringing JUNK in the house after I have told him not to. I am trying to lose as much weight as I can during my supervised diet. I know I don’t have to eat it but I’m also trying to not only get myself in better eating habits but our kids too. So why bring it in period!? Every time I go on diets I always used to joke that he tries to sabotage it but now I really believe that’s exactly what he is doing!

I have been in tears all day today because his whole altitude has changed. He is so damn moody. The fact is if our marriage does happen to fall apart after the surgery it won’t BE BECAUSE OF ME! It will be his own damn attitude and lack of support that will push me away.

Does anyone have any advice?

They need a support group for our spouses. We have the support of one another on here and our drs. But they don't have anyone.

I was diagnosed as BRCA (+) exactly one year ago. Before I could schedule my double mastectomies they recommended bariatric surgery to reduce estrogen stored in my fat and to reduce complications.

2 months later my husband of 18 years left. He said that if I went through with the bariatric surgery he'd lose all respect for me. Needless to say I've come to realize he was dealing with insecurities of his own and was threatened by this surgery. We have talked extensively about it since our divorce and he has said that everything about me will be different.

While I'll look different on the outside I'm still me. Men can be so stupid sometimes. Unfortunately in this situation by the time he figures it out it'll be too late. I can't imagine ever going back to someone who bailed the moment I was faced with this challenge.

Although it has made realize that I am stronger than I ever knew. I can do this!

So can you. This too shall pass. It's just a bump in the road of life. He'll come around.

I was diagnosed as BRCA (+) exactly one year ago. Before I could schedule my double mastectomies they recommended bariatric surgery to reduce estrogen stored in my fat and to reduce complications.

2 months later my husband of 18 years left. He said that if I went through with the bariatric surgery he'd lose all respect for me. Needless to say I've come to realize he was dealing with insecurities of his own and was threatened by this surgery. We have talked extensively about it since our divorce and he has said that everything about me will be different.

While I'll look different on the outside I'm still me. Men can be so stupid sometimes. Unfortunately in this situation by the time he figures it out it'll be too late. I can't imagine ever going back to someone who bailed the moment I was faced with this challenge.

Although it has made realize that I am stronger than I ever knew. I can do this!

So can you. This too shall pass. It's just a bump in the road of life. He'll come around.

On my goodness Fitjen, you have great strength. What a coward to leave you at this time in your life! Guess he forgot the vow, "in sickness".

Prayers for you as your recover!

I was diagnosed as BRCA (+) exactly one year ago. Before I could schedule my double mastectomies they recommended bariatric surgery to reduce estrogen stored in my fat and to reduce complications.

2 months later my husband of 18 years left. He said that if I went through with the bariatric surgery he'd lose all respect for me. Needless to say I've come to realize he was dealing with insecurities of his own and was threatened by this surgery. We have talked extensively about it since our divorce and he has said that everything about me will be different.

While I'll look different on the outside I'm still me. Men can be so stupid sometimes. Unfortunately in this situation by the time he figures it out it'll be too late. I can't imagine ever going back to someone who bailed the moment I was faced with this challenge.

Although it has made realize that I am stronger than I ever knew. I can do this!

So can you. This too shall pass. It's just a bump in the road of life. He'll come around.

Fitjen - just wanted to tell you how much I admire your strength and courage to deal with all of that, all at once. You are an amazing woman! Thank you for sharing with us.

I am so sorry that some of you are going through this. I expected my honey to start to sabotage but he did not and has not as of yet. He seems thrilled with my progress and supports me in every way. I wish all of you had this support.

Well reading this I have to tell you it's not only the husband's that freak out, my wife is really having a tough time..."you took the easy way out"..."you are going to leave when you get skinny"....WOW never expected that one.

I have the same problem but its with my daughters because you see I am a widow. I lost my husband in 2008 to cancer and have been alone since then. Now that I have decided to lose weight they think I am doing it to find a new man. Its not all them, I found myself attracted to an old boyfriend online and they had a fit. They think I should not have any other person in my life, that I should wait until I pass away to be with my husband once again. I really just want to be healthy and live longer. I have been over weight for too many years, I am type 2 diabetic and have to take high blood pressure medicine. High cholesteral pills etc. This decision to have WLS is for ME no other reason. I have assured them of this and for now they are going along with me but I see and hear the suspicion they are feeling. I will just have to wait and gain their trust once again. Because I am going through with this!