I can remember being very young, six or seven, and a girlfriend wanting me to try on some of her clothes. I told her they wouldn't fit. Looking back at pictures of the two of us, I'm actually smaller than she is, but apparently my body image was skewed from an early age. I moved on to chubby, overweight, obese and morbildly obese. I've been on a diet, reading about losing weight, looking for that breakthrough that would turn my life around. I imagine many of you share that journey.

I was adamantly against by-pass surgery. Then a fellow RN had a sleeve. I'd never heard about this type of WLS. I started researching and decided to go to an orientation meeting and see what it was all about. Since the hospital I work for has a bariatric center, getting approved was easy. My PCP is supportive as is my unit manager. Everything was a go. I freaked out and cancelled everything. I gave myself three months to lose the weight. Didn't happen. So I'm back at the starting gate. My surgery is scheduled for December 14, 2011.

Even now I have my ups and downs. I worry that I'll regret this decision afterwards, when it is too late. I worry that I'll fail at this, just the way I have failed at every other weight loss attempt. Then I'm so excited about the opportunity I have to change my life, to finally be free of the guilt every time I put food in my mouth. I'll be done with the shame and embarrassment of being so large. I will be done with diabetes, which is the main reason I'm doing this. I will have a chance to live the life I've dreamed about for 40 years. I will get to be the authentic me, the one inside that has been trying to get out my whole life.

HD

Welcome to the forum, Hunnydew. Don't freak out again. I watched my daughter succeed and was sleeved 10 months later. The only way this doesn't work is if you really don't follow instructions. You will be amazed at how easy it is once you start the journey. My daughter and I are both RN's also. It seems like there are a lot of us here. Just keep coming around for all the help and encouragement you can handle. Onward!! Kathe

Hi,

I have not been sleeved yet, but I must say I have felt the same way. I wonder when my chance is right there, the door opens, will I get nervous like that? Are you afraid of the actual surgery, the pain?

My sister disagrees with the surgery all together. She just think it is the worst thing you could ever do, so she sits there sruggling to lose 20lbs back in forth forever and then has 100 more to go after that 20.

Reach out to some of these long time sleevers, keep posting. I noticed when you posted this it was last nite, at 8ish, very easy to get lost, lots of posts coming in, others will chime in.

Your not alone. I will be praying for you. Man, how I wish I was in your shoes right now!

I know it is a struggle where you are at,I am not trying to say that it doesn't matter or it does not hurt you, mine is the opposite. I can't get it done yet.

Hang in there!! I hope this helps you a little.