Venting - unsupportive friends

[KathyM 14]

Ok, I have to vent a little then I am going to get over this. This weekend I went on a river float trip with two of my friends from work. One is a doc in the ER with me and another is a nurse, also from the ER. They both know about my surgery and since it has been almost a year since I had it done, it seems like it should be a non-issue. Maybe it was just me, but all weekend seemed to be full of these little comments from them...."is that all you are going to eat?" "oh, I suppose you are full already", "you pick where we are going to eat, you are the one with restrictions" Mostly, I tried to just ignore them, but it really SUCKED! On the way home, we were talking about where to stop for lunch. I asked if either of them had tried a place called Noodles & Co (new to our area) then I told them that my son and I had eaten there and it was really good. I also said that they had really big portions, meaning that you get alot for your money. My friend said "to you EVERYTHING is a big portion" I just stopped talking at that point and wanted to go home. They are my friends, and I know that they really don't want to hurt my feelings, but it makes me not want to go out to eat with anyone because I am worried about what they will say or think about what I am eating and THAT is where I was before I had my surgery. I am going on a 9 day vacation with both of them in September, I think I am going to have to have a frank discussion with them about this before then or it will be a miserable trip.

Ok - enough of the pity party. When I look at the big picture, its all good. I am so happy with my sleeve and my new life. Just had to vent a little to people that I knew would understand - now I feel better lol

[anonynurse 13]

I think your feelings are completely understandable. I have a close group of friends too and if mine were doing this it would make me crazy.

If you truly are good friends you SHOULD be able to tell them how you feel. They probably do not realize that they are saying things so often or that they are making you uncomfortable. They probably think they are witty and halfway think they are complimenting you. It is weird how people's minds work. Just tell them up front "I had this surgery so that I could live my life in a normal fashion and when you draw so much attention to my surgery, it makes me feel very abnormal. It has been a year since I have had it - the novelty has worn off. Can we please stop commenting on it now, because it takes away from my pleasure when it comes up. OK? Thanks."

Hopefully that is all it will take. Obviously they have no idea or they would not contine to do it. I am betting if you ask them to stop it and tell them how it makes you feel, they will be surprised and will actually start to relax more in your presence as well. It sounds like they are trying to "make room" for your surgery in their interactions with you, without realizing it isn't appropriate and makes you feel bad.

[M2G 1,836]

"I had this surgery so that I could live my life in a normal fashion and when you draw so much attention to my surgery, it makes me feel very abnormal. It has been a year since I have had it - the novelty has worn off. Can we please stop commenting on it now, because it takes away from my pleasure when it comes up. OK? Thanks."

Oooh, that is good.

I can totally see how their comments could be construed as hurtful. I am guessing these are good friends of yours so yes, it is time to have a little chat with them. You could add something about the fact that you can find something to eat any place any where and once in a while you are good letting someone else choose the place.

What I find funny is that when people KNOW I've had surgery THEY tend to eat less in front of me.

[emilygrace 5]

This right here is why I kept my surgery to myself - I don't want to deal with other people's issues with it long after I have moved past it.