I can feel your fear level rising in some of your posts and want to be there for you. I know you are worried about the fibro and how your recovery will be affected but honey you have to look at the many other reasons why you need this surgery.

First of all, yes, I did finally have a fibro day- today. I have some achiness in my particular places, but nothing the pain meds did not help. Although I know surgery is in itself a trigger, often, I truly believe my recovery has been well within the nomal range- not as good as the lucky devils who are up and out there working and driving heavy machinery and eating a full diet in three days (exaggerating I know!) and not the ones who on day six are still in a great deal of pain and still not able to get anything down.

That means that even with my very sensitive response to physical things because of my fibro I am getting better every day and can differentiate between the effects of the surgery and that of the fibro. I can definitely say I do not feel worse, fibro wise, from this.

Now, I was terrified the last few days before surgery, those mortality, life .death things. I think many if not all of us are. I worked it through a that. But please don't worry too much about your fibro- think about what your body will feel like with the extra weight off and not hobbling you and probably causing trigger after trigger! Think about getting off many meds forever- and running, dancing, and playing with your family.

Keep your eye on the prize girl. I will be here for you.

Meggie I absolutely adore you! Thank you so much for your kindness and words of advice. I am absolutely freaking out right now you are totally right. I feel so so afraid and not really of the surgery, that's the easy part for me because I just lay there. I'm terrified about the pain I will wake up in. I'm in a horrible flare up right now and nothing I do makes a difference. I know that this is stress induced and while I've tried to relax and be positive I just can't seem to. Add to that, my home has erupted into chaos! It's like my whole world just exploded into a stress filled state and I'm losing my mind.

To be honest if I had my way I would drive down there TONIGHT and just do it. The stress of waiting and thinking and thinking about stuff is really taking it's toll on my body.

You are such an inspiration to me and I LOVE watching your youtube videos, YOU ROCK woman!

XOXO Renee`

Meggie, you touched upon a lot of things I think a lot of people are very hesitant to talk about. I'm glad you brought up the issue of life/death. I filled out the paperwork of what should happen to me and my children if things do not go well....I don't know if everyone prepares for this but after a near fatal pulmonary embolism it's definitely something that's on my mind! It's comforting to know others are concerned with the same things...I was beginning to think I was the only one.

blessings, Jenny

Meggie, you touched upon a lot of things I think a lot of people are very hesitant to talk about. I'm glad you brought up the issue of life/death. I filled out the paperwork of what should happen to me and my children if things do not go well....I don't know if everyone prepares for this but after a near fatal pulmonary embolism it's definitely something that's on my mind! It's comforting to know others are concerned with the same things...I was beginning to think I was the only one.

blessings, Jenny

They are such hard things to discuss! It was really hard for me but the night before my surgery I had talks with both my husband and my son. Zach is his step-son and I wanted him to promise to always take care if him like his own- they are close and always have been, for 10 years- but I needed him to promise.Also a silly thing- not to stop feeding the feral cats in our neighborhood! It is odd what will come up. Then I told Zach NOT to think something was going to happen as the chances were uber remote- but that if it did- to remember I loved him with all my heart, would always be with him, and to try to make choices at least considering for a moment what Mama might have thought.

This was VERY hard. My husband flat out thought I was almost bonkers to be filled with that much fear. I have had three other surgeries so this was not a new concept. Yet I felt it was needed, and had done something similar before. The interesting thing is that this time was a little bit more intense because my months here on VST have cracked me open in a new and different way.

I have always been open, and expressive of my feelings. But one area I had never really allowed to surface, was my pain at being obese. Suddenly among these people here, the feelings started coming, the pain I had lived with for so long. SO having thought I wore as much of my heart on my sleeve as was possible I discovered there was more, hence the heightened talks.

Know this- those talks comforted me. I said what I thought I needed to say, at least in the somewhat emotionally askew condition I was in- after 2 weeks on liquids and the night before major life altering surgery!

I am glad if I helped you in any way at all.

Yanno, I have only been here a little over a week and it feels like HOME. What a wonderful group of people....people at all stages of their journey. I love that those who have been through it and are at or near goal don't just forget the rest of us, they come back to advise and encourage! It's really great!