By the time the late afternoon rolled around I felt much better, which is what seems to always happen in the tummy wars. I'm convinced my stomach has squirrels. But they calm down or find something else to do besides gnaw on my stomach after making themselves known and this gives me a chance to demonstrate every day and once again that I am not dead.

It dawned on me about three o clock that if I sat around and moped about whether my stomach was about to explode, I was going to miss a fabulous opportunity. It was Easter, and the health club pool was OPEN TIL MIDNIGHT,and it was almost four o clock. Absolutely nobody would be there, they'd be cutting apart a lamb made of butter or napping after church or sorting through easter basket loot leaving a wide open empty indoor swimming pool to me and me alone. It was too good to pass up, squirrels or no, so off I went.

And I was most excellently right. The place was deserted except for two little kids who were leaving. It was so blissfully empty that I actually swam diagonals across the whole pool and back again and then floated on my back doing otter meditations. I made sure I took a hot shower afterwards because five days ago, when a swam myself to a state teary exhaustion there was nothing I could do all night afterwards to get warm.

When I was a kid I loved the Water. I was one of those kids who would throw conniptions when it was time to come out. I would stay in there until I was turquise and chattering enough to cause seismic activity. I loved being bouyant, that weightless feeling. I could not understand why things couldn't be that away all the time. And I hated the return to gravity when I hoisted out of the pool or flopped back up on the beach. When I was a teen i was a passable sailor and I remember my favorite thing to do at summer camp when I wasn't sailing was to swim all the way out to the milemarkers in the gray lake and then back again.

But you know, by the time you turn 16 the beach is no longer a place to actually swim. It's a place to wear a bikini. It's a place you diet to go, to starting three months beforehand. I wasn't overweight by much back then but the problem was that I was five ten and sturdy and so I had to learn the fine art of teen summer starvation began to bleed through to the fall and then throughout the year. Come to think of it, I might not have eaten anything at all in 1986 and 1987. I was part-dolphin but that only takes you to mid-adolescence. Then it's all no fun anymore.

Sometime after that I developed a pernicious ear perforation that has never entirely gone away. Diving underwater feels like someone shot a nailgun through my head.

So this is a new/old joy thing for me. It's kind of cool to be old, buy a size 24 speedo and walk around thinking f**k it, I don't have to look at me. I bought the world's finest ear protection and made my head watertight and seriously I could just paddle around for hours. Literally. Just like a chubby, bluelipped fourth grader .

So that is were I ended up on Easter Sunday, after a morning of squirrels and several tense and melancholy phone conversations with my family and my ex-husband.I tried to eat eggs when I got back. They still will not go in me. I think I ate 400 calories today; I have five days until I am clear to eat all solid food and I am having trouble even imagining "normally" if a mere egg causes havoc. But there's a whole lifetime between how it is now and how it was 26 days ago. I'm thinking a solid recovery, with a smaller suit and no Easter Squirrels next year, is pretty darn likely.

Crosswind-

This may sound really random, but here goes. The voice in your posts/essays is amazing! I taught high school English for years and if I was still in the classroom (I crossed to the darkside- administration), I would seriously want to print snippets of your posts to show my teenagers what voice in writing is all about. I love it!

As to your posting: I am so glad you are starting to feel more human. That feeling kind of snuck up on me. I looked up one day and though to myself that I felt back to normal or actually better than that since I was 30 pounds lighter by then.

I love the idea of a pool to myself too- even if my swimming skills- outside of frolicking- are seriously lacking. My state-champion swimmer hubby swears he can teach me. In a few more pounds I may just take him up on it.

Onward and upwards in your recovery!

Amanda

Amanda thanks for the compliment, that was a very nice thing to say. I don't really think this is my best writing; I'm usually a bit cleverer than this but as you know I was recently abducted by aliens and taken to a foreign locatioon whereupon some of my insides were removed.

It's true, it does sort of creep up on you. I'm about thirty pounds lighter but not quite there...yet. It does get better every day, although a couple weeks ago I was too logy to realize I even had anything to get better from. Cheers

I agree that you have lots of voice in your writing! So glad that you were able to enjoy the time alone in the pool. That really sounds nice. I hope your continue to feel better. Congrats on your weight loss so far!

This so resonates with me! The Water is everything to me. In the water, there is no pain, unlike everywhere else in my life. As I walk in to the water everything in my life that is hard slips away as I float forward. I am sure I give out an audible "ahhhhh" almost every time. Finding water aerobics saved my life. Interestingly once I realized what it could do for me and mean to me I stopped being afraid of the whole being seen in a bathing suit thing....and when I met all the ladies of the Y those fears would have seemed ridiculous anyway as they are all big gals with various maladies too.

In fact my doctor is thrilled that I already have an exercise regimen in place that I will be doing after the surgery- I myself a bit less than thrilled that I have to stop for a few weeks and resort to the more painful land locked stuff like walking.

Think about joining a class now and again- the work out is KICK BUTT! ON Friday we did 300 crunches. My leg muscles are awesome from the water walking . We work o our arms, our core, our balance- everything.

Thanks for chiming in even on a holiday. I am a bit melancholy tonight as I start 2 weeks of liquids tomorrow and life as I know it is changing forever....anatomically at least. It always helps to read your latest entry.

Years ago I belonged to an OLD (Im talking 1910's) health club with a giant indoor pool. It was ratty. It had cool murals on the walls of swimmers, it was....with hesitation.... clean. Well, at least the water was. The walls and floor... lets just say it was OLD. I loved it. And I'm not sure I ever saw anybody else in the pool for months. I actually got pretty fit walking in that pool. Then using the sauna. The only problem with that pool being empty all the time was... the gym went under. No clients except me apparently. Boohoo... LOVED that pool!