Scared with Questions
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I'll start by introducing myself. I'm new to the forum and new to VSG. I actually just found out about it 2 weeks ago and it's always lurking somewhere in my thoughts. I wasn't going to post but the more I think about being sleeved the harder it is not to write.
I guess it's like finding a miracle just being out of reach. I used to weigh 140lbs in highschool, got pregnant my last year and gained 80 lbs. I kept thinking it would be a breeze to get off but the more I stuggled with it, the more depressed I became. I have a terrible view of my own body and want to shrink into nothing when I see a photo I didn't escape from in time. I actually cried when I saw what our first professional family photo looked like after we had our children. I wonder who that odd looking woman is in the photo's with my husband and my kids. I know its me but I just don't feel how pictures tell me I look. And looking in the mirror is a struggle each day too. I always see the person I used to be... until a picture is taken. All I can think is that is not what I looked like when I was looking in the mirror...
I live in Canada, newly under BlueCross. I am 99.9% sure this surgery is NOT covered at all. Which is why it is unattainable at this point. I want you all to know I did make an effort to lose the weight the good old fashioned way and its just not happening. I think the lowest I've weighed in the last 5 and a half years was 200lbs.
BUT the reason I am in here is to prep for a surgery regardless of whether it happens or not because I am still trying to lose the weight AND find a way to make the sleeve a possibility in my future.
My number one question is "what happens with smoking?" I haven't read a thing about it and I've been going over the site every couple days or so. I'm what you'd call a heavy smoker. It's the one thing in my life I have had a really hard time giving up. I've changed a lot of things about my diet but smoking just hasn't been one of them yet.
The extra weight I carry has been a burden on me. I'm borderline diabetic and I'm not even sure what that means. I know I have skin issues because of the extra weight and also being "borderline". I stress about how I look ALL the time. I wonder how my husband has actually come to love me physically... I know that sounds terrible, but understand I am only 24 and he fell in love with the 16 year old me. I changed at 18. Hmm, just re-reading that, he's known me as the larger version for longer than he knew the skinny me. Either way, I don't love myself physically. And I have tried to change it, too many unsuccessful times it seems. I just want to feel good about myself again. Feel healthy... I don't see how anyone could be happy when shaving your legs becomes a task in itself.
This whole post is because I'm SCARED. I'm terrified to not have the surgery. I'm scared I'm going to spend the rest of life not being part of the memories. I'm scared simple everyday tasks are going to remain somewhat more difficult for me because of the weight. I'm scared my kids aren't going to have their mom to do things with them when they get older. I'm scared I'll always be this... this person I've become that I don't like.
I guess I'm most scared of being scared my whole life.
If there are any canadians on this forum who has the sleeve surgery:
~Was any portion of the surgery covered?
~if so, with who?
~Where did you get it done?
I have a lot of questions I just can't think of them all but any information would be great.
And I apologize if this seems somewhat blog like. I've just never found a place where I can say what I'm feeling. My weight difficulty isn't something I have anyone to share with.