First of all, I apologize for the long post.

I had my pre-op appointment yesterday and spent most of the afternoon at the military hospital answering questions, checking yes or no boxes, signing my name and dating page after page after page etc....but i felt good about doing all of it. I felt good knowing that I was taking control of my health and that I would eventually have a tool that would help me learn to only feed my body what it needs. I was at the hospital for over 5 hours, but all in all I had a great day.......

But this morning was different.

I had so many emotions going through my head. So many feelings of inadequacy (am I strong enough to do this), was I making the right decision and the dreaded "I could lose the weight on my own if i really tried", which I know is not true. I have lost and regained the same weight since I was a freshman in high school, and I've given enough money to the weight loss industry and their snake oil. The promising "lifestyle change" solutions haven't worked much either.

Today I cried. I felt anxious and nervous and terrified and a lot of other things...But I think I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I've made this decision to better my life, and I plan to stick to my guns. I've never had surgery. I honestly don't know what to expect other than what I've read of other people's experiences. Okay, I feel like I'm rambling now, and must stop. Again, I apologize for the long post, I just needed to get my mojo out there and possibly get some feedback from those of you who have gone through the surgery, as I'm counting down the days.

Kim

Boy, those military hospitals and their paperwork, huh? I think my eyes went cross-eyed with all those forms, questions, diet logs, authorization forms, etc etc. I thought to myself "am I having surgery or filling out my entire medical history?"

It is overwhelming, and can be a stressful time for pre-ops. With that said, all the emotions you are processing are all normal. My advice is to prepare as much as you can mentally for surgery. Not so much life after surgery, for now focus on getting comfortable with having surgery. For me, the actual surgery did not concern me. I had armed myself with so much information that I was confident. I just knew this was going to work for me. Anesthesia always bothers me more than the actual surgery. But, I have found ways to deal with my anxiety about going into the operating room.

The anesthesiologist usually meets with you before they wheel you back. I discuss my concerns, and tell him/her that I want a sedative before they give the anesthesia cocktail. I'm also claustrophobic when it comes to having the mask put on my face so I tell them not to put the mask near me until the sedative has kicked in. I pray a lot before for peace, comfort and grace. I go to a "happy place", and honestly only think positive thoughts. May sound crazy, but I honestly believe this helps me wake up in a better frame of mind. I usually ask for valium as my sedative before going into the OR, and they always accommodate my requests.

Being positive, and not allowing negativity to enter my mind really helps with all the "what ifs" and " oh Lord, what am I doing?". I've 4 surgeries in the last 16 months so I feel like I've been through all the emotions.

Believe in yourself, lean on your own personal faith, and know that we're all here for you. We may not be sitting beside you, but we are here for you in spirit.

Kim, you will be ok, these are all normal feelings. . I had those too, but just remember that you are doing this because you want to feel better about yourself. . .i'm glad you realized that in reality you can't lose weight by yourself, otherwise you wouldn't be here. . .it's a scary thing, surgery is. . . this was my 18th major surgery in my life (I'm 48 years old) in the beginning i really hated the sleeve and wished i'd never done it. . . that lasted for 1 1/2 weeks until i weighed in and saw i lost 32 lbs! I though "huh this is working" then i just clicked along, following doctor orders and doing what i do daily . . . at my 7th week out and doctor visit, i nearly fell off the scale when i saw i had lost 53 LBS!!!!!!!!!!! I was elated. . . I was on cloud 9 for the rest of the day. . . now i'm going on week 9, my next weigh in is on March 16th, I have gone from size 4X to 1-2X depending on the maker, you know how exciting that is??? It's more fun then eating! You'll be ok and soon you will be glorifing your results and joys right here along with us. . . soon you will be giving pep talks to others too. . . telling them not too worry and just walk, sip, and do what they should be doing. . . you can do this girl! We have, you can too. . . . best of luck in your journey.