I talked to an attorney last week about filing for bankruptcy, and I am feeling like such a failure. My ex husband didn't pay child support for several years and the kids and I needed things my pay check wouldn't cover, so those credit card balances just went up and up. Now I owe about $21,000 on my credit cards and see no way in the world that I can get them paid off. My sons finally talked me into seeing an attorney who told me the same thing. He also s aid I wasn't in terrible shape compared to many of his clients. But it's really depressing and humiliating to be in this position when I've always worked hard. Seems like if we work hard we should be able to make it financially, but it didn't work out that way. I've gone through credit counseling, and they didn't have anything to suggest.

So I'm really down and could use some support...or advice if anyone has any that might be helpful. With my head I know this doesn't make me a less worthwhile person, but my heart could use some convincing! I just tear up every time I think about it.

Thanks for listening...

Emily

Emily, You are not a failure! It is tough raising children without support! I too was in your shoes. You shouldn't have to file bankruptcy for only $21,000 in credit card debit. It may take time, but you can get it paid off. If you can, stop using credit cards. Try to pay by cash or check only. This should keep you from impulse buying. A budget is very important even if you can't stick to it 100%, you will at least have a plan. On your debit make sure you are paying at enough to cover the interest being charged each month plus some of the principle. Let me know how it goes.

most everyone has hard times and understands the emotions that comes w/ it.

I'm sitting here with no bread no milk no cheese 2 kids wanting hot dogs a disconnect notice of my Water for tomorrow and I still have not sent off the weight loss challenge prize! and my son came home with a black eye I cant use my Credit cards cause they are maxed out all 1,500.00 worth lol I don't have much plastic credit.

Believe me I feel for you cause I know how it is.

Take one day at a time,breath sometimes things are out of your hands and all you can do is pray to your beliefs.

I wish you the best of luck in your time of need.

Big Hugs~

Just went over to ebay to check my auctions, I'm selling some sewing patterns and stuff to hold us over til pay day~ This may be something you too can do, any out grown clothes unused appliances etc. I know sometimes you dont have anything you can sell but sometimes you do! Like me I had sewing patterns for sizes I cant wear they have never been cut so I'm selling them for bread money LOL

I can tell you that I filed bankruptcy back in 89 or 90 and wished now I would have never done it. I wish I would have looked into a way to consolidate all those cards and loans and did it that way. But then I had no support and no advice from anyone else. But, this is just my opinion. Good luck to you.

I'm not sure I have much advice to give. My mom didn't get support from my dad either and she had 3 of us. Does your ex have money you could sue for? Maybe if you could get an order for everything he owes up until now that would help a bit? I don't know exactly how that works with back support.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide and hope it works out for the best!

Plunder Bunny send my a PM with your name and address so that I can mail you some money. I have true compassion for anyone in this situation as I was once a single parent many years ago. I have been blessed with a great paying job a husband of 14 years and I feel the need to give back.

Ello!

I think you may mean gentlespirit, I'm the one selling stuff on Ebay She the single mom who can really use some help, I'm just in a tight spot at the moment. I've never filled bankruptcy or anything so I couldn't give advice on that but I can give advice on ideas to get you thru a tight spot

I appreciate the thought though very much~

I sell things on Ebay all the time its where I sell my cloaks and stuff, I also run a Donation site for my plastic surgery fund (see my sig)

Big hugs~

Nana~

gentlespirit if I sound redundant I am sorry. But I have a few questions.

Have you done a financial journal where you write everything down in a journal that you spend for a month. This can help track your expenses and see where your money is going.

Do you utilize a budget? I personally have my budget made up a year to year and a half in advance. I include things like the ups and downs of utilities (like electric). Even things like oil changes for the car anything that is a semi regular event.

Have you called each of your credit card companies and talked to them about a reduction in your interest rate? If you are behind on cc payments have you talked to them about a repayment plan?

You are a hardworking courageous mom who has raised children in a difficult situation and you have my admiration. There are other things that you can do but it is difficult to talk in so open of a forum. PM if you would like.

M

Emily, (((HUGS))). You're not a failure - you're exdh is. I'd hate to see you file bankruptcy for $21K. Have you explored all of your options?

You may want to hit Oprah.com. She is doing a whole series on getting out of debt called The Debt Diet. One of the things that stick out in my mind is this: Call all of your credit card companies and inform them that you are about to file bankruptcy. They may be willing to do all sorts of things to help you (lower your APR, remove late fees, etc) if it means that you will still be paying them monthly. There's a bunch of other helpful advice on there too.

Also, look into Suze Orman's website. She gives great advice. Try this link: http://www.suzeorman.com/igsbase/igstemplate.cfm?SRC=MD012&SRCN=aoedetails&GnavID=20&SnavID=100&TnavID=&AreasofExpertiseID=166

Best of luck to you!

Unfortunatly I called all my CC companies and let them know with the pending Divorce that I needed help with some kind of program untill the Judge split the debt. Not a single one except Citi Cards was willing to help. Even when I told them to either help me or I was going to file. They in fact resorted to threats or just going over the same old song and dance. I finally got fed up cause I was getting no where. I am in over 30,000.00 and my STBX has not paid a single dime since March to anyone of them. Sometimes there is no way out when you are faced with putting food on the table or paying the late fees to catch up on a CC. To me it is not taking the easy way out but it is starting fresh and Bankruptcy is not what it use to be.

Thanks, everyone, for your hugs and suggestions and support! You guys truly are the best. I'm seeing another attorney tomorrow to get some further advice...maybe he will have some other options I can explore. I know $21,000 doesn't seem like a lot of money to some people, but on my income of $12/hour, it's a lot. And since I don't own a house or anything that I could refinance, that's not an option. But I will definitely check out your suggestions!

Thanks again SO much.

Emily

GentleSpirit, I have been where you are. In fact, I filed for bankruptcy in '85. I hated to do it, but it was my only way out. I was a single mom (my exdh had to be taken to court twice to garnish wages) and was depending on money from under my sofa cushions just to buy milk and bread for my kids. I hid my car behind the fence in my back yard so it could not be repossessed.

When I remarried, I paid back some of my creditors even though they had written the debts off their books, which made me feel better emotionally.

Actually, because of some health issues, my credit has gone to hell in a handbasket. Six months ago, my credit was A+, but I got behind one month and it snowballed from there. We are selling our house that belonged to my DH's grandma to get our heads above Water.

I will pray that God will give you the answer and the confidence you need to handle this situation. We're here for you.....

Love, Vicki

Emily, do not be ashamed to file. You are a hard working loving single mother.

The ones who should be ashamed of filing, are those people who have million dollar homes and live luxuriously then file to get out of it all and keep those homes -- we have a few of those here in Tampa who live in Avila (1 was in the local paper)

RUN don't walk to the court or attny and file - some attnys will let you make payments - I worked for one that we did that all the time until the fees were paid off.

Just be careful and call around - check out your local court and see if there is help for paying the fees (alot of times there is) or see how much it is to filll out the paperwork yourself.

Take any and everything that you owe, since you don't own a home and file it Chapter 7 and be done with it.... Start your life over -- fresh new and do not look back or feel bad.

Check with your state laws also about getting back child support AFTER your case is discharged

Hi I just wanted to let you know that just because you want to file does not mean the judge will allow you. Every since 9/11 the laws has changed because so many people lost their jobs and the war. The judge will determine your debt ratio and if they feel you can pay that could make you file a ch 13 (7 years on your rpt) which is a repayment plan of your debts that you pay directly to the trustee. If they decide you cant pay they will let you file a chapter 7 which is 10 years on your credit rpt. I would contact an consumer credit counselor first. 10 years is a long time to have bad credit. Credit affects you getting a job, car insurance rate, getting a student loan and etc..... Good luck and i hope and pray that you and your family be ok.!!

Emily,

Honey you are not a failure, 21,000 sounds like alot but for a single mom with two kids i think you are doing a darn good job.. My hubby and I had over 25,000 in credit cards just a year ago because I was not working and in school. We consolidated with a 2nd morgage and have paid down 8000.00 of it. We did this while I was still in school and not working. I put us on a budget by making a menu every week and used coupons to cut everycorner known to man. I even went as far as making my hubby find someone to car pool in our area to save on gas money.

I know it is so easy for some to say stop using the cards, but when you need them to just get by, it's hard..

Ok so you don't own a home. I worked for citibank for 5 years while in flordia.. Call all your credit card companies "ASK FOR HELP" alot of people don't know they will lower rates , stop intrest, and make payment arrangmnets... One secrete, If you say the words "bankruptcy" they will usually put a "special" department on that will help you. They can do all sort of things to aid you in repaying the debt. The last thing they want you to do is file. Whatever you do, do it will alot of research... we are here for you...

Jmoe

Not sure if you ever heard of Dave Ramsey. He has a talk radio show. He is EXCELLENT in his advice giving. My husband is a financial advisor/stockbroker and we both think he's well rounded and common sense. Here is a link, as he streams his radio program online. Take a listen. He deals w/folks up to the "ears" in debt.

The Dave Ramsey Show - Homepage

Shawn