UPDATE: After Postponing Surgery
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Hey Everyone,
If you were unaware of the situation basically I was supposed to have lap band on August 26th but a week in to my strict liquid pre-op diet I found the strenght to control my eating on my own so I post poned the surgery indefinetely. Majority of the members of this forum told me I shouldn't have post poned my surgery because I'd just end up gaining the weight back and needing surgery regardless.
The week of that pre-op diet I actually lost 22 pounds and was 351lbs (started at 373), after I made the decision I started watching my portions and my decisions but actually gained 5 pounds back (356)... Immediately I thought "what the hell did I do?" but I didn't let that lose my focus and I understood this was a marathon not a race. Glad to say a week later I was back down to 351 and I scratched that 5 pounds to my body just going from eating absolutely nothing to something(literally didn't eat anything for the preop diet) and Water weight gain.
Now that I'm a month in from this journey (started the preop diet on August 12) I do not have any urgers to binge eat at meals like I used to. I'm not even thinking of ordering that big lunch I used to have I'm always thinking SMALL SMALL SMALL. I had a cheat day on Sunday (football day) but my cheat day was nothing compared to what I used to do on a regular sunday! I found this will power and I'm pretty happy with my decision right now. This morning was my weight in day and I came in at 349, my first time under 350 in over a year which makes me happy. Of course the weight loss isn't going to be as fast as it would be with the lap band, but the ability to know I'm really doing this on my own (i used to only do pills for weight loss) is really uplifting.
Thanks to all those who were supportive, still have a long way to go.