1. I so appreciate y'all. I don't know what I would have done without you guys - probably would have gained it all back by now. It really helps to be able to come here for support and advise. I LOVE YOU!

2. I'm messed up in the head. Several weeks ago Lisa (DeLarla) got me thinking when she talked about eating not out of hunger, but just because....nothing to do with hunger. I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT'S ME! It has been for all my life, but I've never realized it or maybe I did and just wouldn't admit it.

I'm doing NutriSystem right now and I've been 100% on plan for 8 days now. I've lost 6 lbs. This is how all my past diets have started - perfection...cheat...diet over. I am so scared that if I have even 1 bite of something off plan that it'll all be over and I'll gain everything back overnight.

I'm so frustrated with these extremes - all or nothing. Losing weight or gaining weight. Exercise daily or not at all. Diet or eat everything in the house, even when completely stuffed. Is there hope for those of us like this? I'm beginning to think not or maybe realizing it is the first step - I don't know. Time will tell.

Like I said...I'm messed up in the head. Sorry for such a looooonnnng post. It's been a reflective day...

Shanna I am with you. I found that when I stayed strictly ON PLAN with NS it worked great. By the way, isn't the food delicious? I also realized if I faltered just ONCE I was lost.

If you get an urge to just slip a little? Stop and think would an alcoholic be able to do that? Would a drug addict be able to slip just a little?

Sometimes that keeps me from going over the deep end.

Can't wait to get home and get back to basics. SIGH!!

I am with you Shanna.

I'm usually the exact same way. If I eat a hershey's kiss, the day is shot and it's a free for all until the next morning. Exercise is 6 times a week or not at all.

My most successful dieting attempt (pre-band) was when I was strict during the day and then gave myself permission to eat 2 Cookies with tea at night. It was very liberating to feel like I had a treat waiting every day if I felt like it. I felt like my head was in the right place, because I wasn't so obsessive about it.

Good luck with Nutrisystem - I really feel like it's one of the best programs out there. And congrats on the 6 lb loss!!

For me, once I get "on a run" and can see the numbers going down, I become greedy and want more. I start to focus more on true physical hunger versus eating out of habit, eating to feel good, eating for a reward system or eating out of boredom.

Unfortunately, we have to eat to live so an "all or nothing approach" is not a possibility. I think we need to look at every new day as an opportunity to stay on plan and not allow one day of indulgences wipe out all the hard work by allowing that one day to become two and then three...

I suppose we have to forgive the inner "us" for allowing the "us" everyone sees to have become so out of control... obese. One we can forgive ourselves, we can move forward and get on with the hard work of changing bad eating practices and trying to make healthy eating a habit... for health... for life.

I treat myself. I have a glass of wine and two peanut butter mini cups every night usually. it is my quiet time. my "mommy without the kids" time. Usually it is spent in our new pool of a bathtub that actually covers my whole body with water. With that break time and little treat I can stay on a diet pretty well. But it is hard to not just quit forever when i cheat more than that. its really hard to talk myself into liking myself again after that.