I posted this in the Gone for Good Club, but it seems as if there are others who are also having this issue as well. So, I'm placing it in it's own thread.

I am in a weird place & I don't know who to talk to about it. Nobody around me understands!! So, I'm going to share my weird feelings with all of you & hope SOMEBODY out there understands.

I have taken pictures of me recently. (Some of them are posted on the "New Me" Thread I posted.) I look at the pictures & say - "Okay, so I took a good picture." I went to church in my new Easter Dress & had an overwhelming amount of comments. No less then 25 people told me I looked like a new person & had lots of great compliments for me. As nice as the comments are, I can't truly grasp them. I just figure it must be that I wore a good dress that day. :rolleyes I see myself in a mirror & don't understand what everyone is talking about!! :confused: My husband keeps trying to convince me that that person in all the pictures are the REAL me & that I truly look like that all the time.

I have always had a good self-image. That has never been a problem. I knew that even though I was overweight, I was a good person with lots to offer the world. However, my BODY image must be out of wack!!! I have been living in a big fat suit for so long that it's all I know. I thought I wouldn't have to deal with body image issues until I reached my goal weight!! What is all the fuss about?!?! I am still overweight & have a ways to go. :phanvan

Don't get me wrong!! I am very happy to be where I'm at & I appreciate and LOVE all the comments!! I think I'm trying to figure out who I am right now. I've always been the "Funny Fat Girl". Now I'm the..........um..........I have no clue!!! I still think I'm the "Funny Fat Girl" but apparently I don't come across that way anymore!!! I am so messed up!!!

Is there a therapist in the house?! HA!!!

Okay, thought I'd post a picture for anyone who cares to be my therapist & figure out my problem!! HA!!

The picture on the left is me as the Funny Fat Girl! (I'm the one on the right.) The picture on the right is my family on Easter Sunday. This is the dress everyone kept telling me how much I looked like a new person!!

So, am I completely messed up?!? What's my deal?!?!? Why can't I see it?! :confused:

Diane, wish I could help you more, the only thing I try to remember is an article I read, only you can change the way you think about yourself.

You have done so great so far with your lifestyle change, now for the really hard part - convincing the inside

Body image influences behavior, self esteem, and our psyche. When we feel bad about our body, our satisfaction and mood plummets. If we are constantly trying to push, reshape or remake our bodies, our sense of self becomes unhealthy.

We lose confidence in our abilities. It’s not uncommon for people who think poorly of their bodies to have problems in other areas of their lives, including sexuality, careers and relationships.

A healthy body image occurs when a person’s feelings about his/her body is positive, confident and self caring. This image is necessary to care for the body, find outlets for self-expression, develop confidence in one’s physical abilities and feel comfortable with who you are.

Self esteem is a personal evaluation of one’s worth as a person. It measures how much you respect yourself.

physically: (how happy you are with the way you look)

intellectually (how well you feel you can accomplish your goals)

emotionally (how much you feel loved)

morally (how you think of yourself as a person)

How you see yourself affects every part of your life. High self esteem makes for a happier life. It allows you to be your own person and not have others define you.

Self esteem, self confidence and self respect are all related.

Self esteem is also defined as the judgments a person makes about themselves and is affected by self confidence and respect.

Self confidence is believing in our ability to take action and meet our goals.

Self respect is the degree to which we believe we deserve to be happy, have rewarding relationships and stand up for our rights and values.

All these factors affect whether or not we will have a healthy body image.

Think of it as the three A's....

Attention -- Refers to listening for and responding to internal cues (i.e., hunger, satiety, fatigue).

Appreciation -- Refers to appreciating the pleasures your body can provide.

Acceptance -- Refers to accepting what is -- instead of longing for what is not. Acceptance is probably the hardest thing for anyone with a weight problem or poor body image to deal with.

1. Affirm that your body is perfect just the way it is.

2. Think of your body as a tool. Create an inventory of all the things you can do with it.

3. Walk with your head high with pride and confidence in yourself as a person, not a size.

4. Create a list of people you admire who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Was their appearance important to their success and accomplishments?

5. Don't let your size keep you from doing things you enjoy.

6. Replace the time you spend criticizing your appearance with more positive, satisfying pursuits.

7. Let your inner beauty and individuality shine.

8. Think back to a time in your life when you liked and enjoyed your body. Get in touch with those feelings now.

9. Be your body's ally and advocate, not its enemy.

10. Beauty is not just skin-deep. It is a reflection of your whole self. Love and enjoy the person inside.

Hope this helps some. You are no longer the funny fat girl, but think of yourself as the funny hot mama!

ummmm....that was good....very good indeed. *filing for later use*.

Thank you

Wiser than Yoda you are! Mmmm yeees!

I agree fully...

Diane,

I totally get where your coming from, I am in that same boat with you. I just recently had my one year pics taken and did not want them taken. I know where I have been but I also know where I want to get to and I am not there yet. I see myself nekid in the mirror every day and I see all those spots that really need help. So when people are saying I look so good, all I am thinking about is how I need to lose 60 more pounds and when are those pounds going away and can I really get that skin to shrink, what kind of exercises do I need to do to get that gone, and so on and so on. I cannot see what all the fuss is about because I dont see a fuss, I see all these things I still need to do and know I need to walk about a million more miles on the treadmill and I wonder if a million will be enough. I have no words of wisdom for you. I can say hey, welcome to my boat, jump on in and we will go for a ride.... that is about all. When you get it figured out give me a clue ok?

Hey Lisa!! Good article. I'm trying to figure out if it is fitting for this problem or not. I have always had a good self-esteem. I've never had a problem with it!! Even when I was very fat, I always walked with my head held high & looked people straight in the eye. Hmmm......maybe I really don't have a good self-esteem & I'm just messed up more then I think!

j.s. - Yeah! You understand!! I will jump in your boat & we'll take a little ride to the shrink! What do you think?!

Diane,

I haven't been banded yet but the whole idea of getting a band, losing weight and completely changing a lifestyle of bad habits just blows my mind into orbit. This tiny concept just scares the poo-poo out of me!

I truly believe that when the weight gos away our brain takes 3 times the amount of time to catch up with it. The tape in your head is really just stuck and thats where the therapist comes in. I speak from experience. Of the many many times that I have lost weight, the most uncomfortable part for me are the compliments. I am probably weeks away from making this major change and I have already lined up a counselor to help me "crawl" and then begin to "walk" as a thin person.... in time "running" should be no problem. I have great self-esteem, just like you do but this transformation isn't magic and when you look into the mirror that little switch hasn't made the adjustment to seeing clearly a thinner person.

You know all those people who believe that WLS is the easy way out.... they have NO clue how difficult this really is. I think your Easter photo is adorable but I'm looking from the outside -- you my dear are in the inside and I know that feels way different. I won't be telling you what to do, because there isn't just one answer. It's what "they" didn't tell you before surgery (whoever "they" are)! Congrats on your weight loss and for posting your picture.

Heart Hugs,

Diane, I am right there with you. I was recently in my sister's wedding as a bridesmaid, and I really just think I look horrible. Even looking at the pictures doesn't make me feel better now after the fact. I got tons of compliments that day, but it really just doesn't help much.

I agree that the brain takes longer to catch up with the idea we've lost weight... I have caught up some, and I no longer see my self as the person I started as before banding, but still...

I guess I don't have any advice, just to say that you aren't alone..

I replied to this topic on the GFG thread already, but I wanted to add that perhaps what these people are saying to us is not "Hey, you look perfect." maybe they are just saying, "My god, you look so much better than you used to!" I can accept that. Perhaps when I weight 130 pounds, I'll be able to accept the compliment, "You look terrific!" and actually believe it. We shall see.

If you're like me, we have all lost and gained and regained weight and more.

With that, comes the "messed up" (so to speak) body images we perceive.

If you read the article twice, you see it all comes full circle, body image, self esteem, self worth and self respect all are intertwined into the person we are.

All these factors affect whether or not we will have a healthy body image and acceptance of the change is hard to deal with sometimes.

I think it's something we all deal with on some level and takes alot for the inside to catch up to the outside. You have to reset the inside to believe that you truely are a changed person.

I'm with Dianechef. I've always been a very confident woman, but my body image doesn't match up. My fiance is constantly telling me how beautiful I am (as I'm sure your husband does) and I just don't know what to say, because I don't believe it.

I brought this up to my therapist at the end of my session and she said that we could talk about it next week, so if I find anything exciting out, I'll be sure to pass it along.

Kristin

I am feeling so much better!! It's nice to know there are people who feel the same way. I tried to talk to my sister about this & she just thought I was blowing smoke. She use to be smaller then me & now is larger then me & just didn't even want to hear it all. (In her words - "Yada yada, so you don't feel thin.....whatever! Get over it!")

Lisa, I really do like that article. It is very true. I'm sure there is so much riding on how we think of ourselves & why we do what we do.

Dutchgrl - You are so smart to see a counselort NOW!! I had no idea that these head games would be a problem. I just figured I'd lose weight, feel great & have a party! I am still learning.

P'Nut - You're right!! One of these days I'll accept a compliment & actually believe it!! I can't wait for that day.

So, have we solved any problems here? I'm thinkin' I just need to get over it & time is the only thing that will help. Kristin, I'm eager to hear what your therapist has to say!!!

I've also always had self-confidence and never had a body image issue. I think what I was struggling with was actually SEEING a difference in my body. Like I said in the other thread, it wasn't until I purchased smaller size clothing that I actually saw a difference. I can definitely tell a difference when I look at my progress pictures.

I just figured I'd lose weight, feel great & have a party!

I'd better be invited!!

Well my self image is already skewed and I am only at the beginning of my journey. I read a book once about a gilr who lost a tremendous amount of weight and struggled with thinking of herself as thin and physically attractive. I think none of us ever really sees ourselves how others see us. Looking in the mirror is not going to fix that. No one ever saw you as the funny fat girl, they saw you as the funny girl, and I am sure they still do. My family doesn't look at me and see fat, they see me. Now, I'm bizarre, I don't think of my self as this fat, it always shocks me when I go shopping for clothes that my size is the same as that really fat person standing next to me, I ask myself, how can we wear the same size, I'm not that fat. Boy am I messed up. My point is, who you are isn't changing, it's that your body is changing and your brain is a little behind and a little confused. Give it time, and know that we all think you are doing great and looking great

diane you do look awesome. every picture i see you are more and more beautiful. and your smile is the best part

now think back to all the times you have yo yo'd. it takes forever for our brains to catch up to what is happening to our bods. when i was skinny, i thought i was fat. i hovered around 100 pounds, and still starved myself because i had a huge rack. i couldn't get rid of it. so i considered myself fat. I gained all of my weight in a VERY short period of time. but i still thought i was not as fat as i am now. i still have trouble seeing me for the real me. i look at women my size and think "there is no possible way i am that big!!" but i am. bigger sometimes. and i know that now that i am coming to accept it, i will start losing and not see the loss just like you.

it is normal. just chalk it up to insanity and move on to the next thing in life. LOL its the best way to get through it. And remember that we NEVER see ourselves for the true us in the mirror.

Something that really helped me (but is tough if you are not computer savvy) was to take pics of myself. Clad only in underwear, i take digital pics of myself. I am always in the same position, and always wearing the same thing. I am also always in the same spot. This way as I lose I have a good side by side comparison to look at. It is hard to pick apart three dif pics of you when on is sitting, one is hiding behind the family, and the other is in a FABULOUS outfit. try it and see if that helps.