Yup, did you ever think that I'd say that? Well it is true, I am a major failure, it is all my fault and I am extremely ashamed. I have only lost around 20-22 pounds since getting this surgery and that was 2 and a half years ago (7/31/09)!! The most I have lost was 47 pounds.(I gained most of it back besides the 20-22 pounds) I do not know what happened to me ): but I guess being stressed and depressed does not help at all. I started getting depression back in February of 2010 then along with that I started getting stressed and as each day passed it got worse, I have not seen anyone about it yet, but I am going to talk to my regular doctor about it when I go in to see her again. Since I started getting that, that's when I started to see my weight go back up and each day got more stressfull or depressing, last year was the worst. I have no motivation, I am tired all the time, I come home from my Cosmetology class and I don't feel like working out or anything, I feel stupid...I haven't even seen my LapBand doctor since last October because I am truely embarrassed to go back!!

I skip Breakfast and lunch most of the time, sometimes I eat very little, I barely get any liquids in, I am treating my body horribly. I know I have stupid excuses, but sometimes I won't eat in the morning or before class [lunch] is because I feel like I don't have time to eat. I want to go to bed earlier like at 9:30pm or 10pm but I feel like it will never happen, I feel like a night owl and want to stay up half the night so I get up around 9:55/10am and leave for class at 11:30am, Class starts at 12pm. I know it is a part of why I feel dizzy...

I think I am anemic again which can be the other part as to why I am feeling dizzy.

I do not know what to do anymore, I have regretted the band a few times, but I know it will work if I just treat it the way it is supposed to be treated, but I feel like I have no control over anything and I feel like I do not know how to treat my body, the band and everything the way it is supposed to be. My mind is lost and I can not focus. I do not know what to do, I know start from the begining but for me it sounds a lot harder than it is...I just do not know...

I have 100-105 pounds to lose and I honestly do not see it happening, I am going to die alone and depressed...

huge hugs hunny!!! I have PTSD and agoraphobia from an assault 3 years ago. I also had to have a revision as my band had slipped after the assault. first time round I lost over 100 pounds in the first 12 months. Unfortunately that has not been the case. My revision was on the 25th of March 2009 and since then I have gone from 149kg to 187kg, down to 176kg and now back to 183kg. It has been a roller coaster of emotional stress, of me not feeling good enough to care for myself. I have had a fill and I am pretty sure I am at my sweet spot now....But it took me 2 years to even go back to see my surgeon to have one fill and I falter alot....You are not a failure hunny. My doctor said to me the other day without the band and with the head hunger I would be dead now. HE is so right I would of ended up being over 250kgs!!! he said that with all I have gone through he is proud of me!! I am seeing a counsellor weekly and the one thing that has always stuck in my mind that a very wise lady said to me

"if your best friend was struggling like you are now, would you put her down, call her names, scream at her or be cruel to her" NO I snapped back......I would be gentle and soft, offer support and care and love........she looked at me and then it hit me!! instead of being my own best friend!! I have been my own worst enemy. Be gentle with yourself hunny and feel free to message me if you need a chat!!!

I will leave you with a little saying that this beautiful lady taught me....When I am feeling sad, down, suicidal, anxious or frustrated, stop take three deep breaths, close your eyes and think of something beautiful and say this as many times as you need to

May I be filled with loving kindness

May I be happy

May I be peaceful and at ease

May I be well

<3 <3 <3 <3

First, never use the word failure. it's too negative. We all do the best we can. Just the decision to be banded is a positive sign.

Second, I'm curious to know what kind of band you have. I was banded in 2007. I've lost about 60 pounds, which is considered a moderate success. It's okay, but not nearly as good as I had hoped. Like you, I found it difficult to do. My doctor moved away not long after my surgery and when I finally (don't ask) found a center in NYC that does fills (NYU, by the way), I was told that the band I had--the VG band--was not successful and is no longer used. The original bands developed in Europe were successful in re weight loss, but caused a lot of throwing up and other problems. The VG band was designed to be more flexible and have a wider opening. This reduced the vomiting, hernias, etc., but people were not as successful with weight loss. A newer, smaller band is now used. My fill doctor said that he has replaced a lot of the VG bands with newer ones for people who have had difficulty losing weight with the VG. Of course, none of this was known in 2007 and I had no reason to question the kind of band my surgeon used. So, first of all, do you have a VG band? This may be part of your problem. Also, with all of the forums and comments at this site, I've never seen one discussing the VG band and its problems. Some of the long-term bandsters would have the VG. Is anyone out there familiar with the VG problems? Has anyone had the VG replaced with a newer band?

P.S.: For bandsters looking for fills in NYC, NYU is a center of excellence for bariatric procedures and they will see patients for fills and follow-up who did not have the surgery there. You'll need your operative report and an esophogram. It's a very busy practice, so bring somethng to read in the waiting room. Everyone I've seen at the practice has been very nice. They take most insurance plans, including Medicare.

ElizabethAnne - thank you

i know i am depressed and it really does make everything much harder even my cosmetology class i am taking

its been 2 years of having depression and it really is not fun. i thought itd get better by now but nope

yes, i think it is a very good idea to help me get into the right direction, i feel like i forget easily now as well too, cause i had some things on my mind a few mins ago and completely for got it and, i try and try to remember it but it just makes me more stressed. sometimes i cant sleep because i have stuff on my mind and if i dont write them down i wont remember so ill be up all not writting things on my mind and THAT SUCKS just as much as being depressed

The cosmetology class is not offered through a community college

thank you!♥

i'm holding on to everything that i got, this site has a lot of helpful things and inspiring things! (:

I'm sorry you are going through this. Two years is a very long time to suffer from depression. Depression can definitely affect your memory and your energy level. Exercising, eating healthy, and getting into a regular sleep routine should help some, but it's important to seek professional help from your doctor who should be able to refer you to a good counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. I would call tomorrow. Most depression is treatable, and you deserve to feel much better.

pmartin323 - i had my gallblader out back in 2010 due to having horrible pains and finding out i had galstones. i too, made sure it was my lap band surgeon. what is a plication ?

<3 Ky <3- thank you (:

wow i know what you mean about the roller coaster of emotional stress, one day youre up then youre down, up and down up and down, it is so annoying! well you should be only weighing yourself once a week or once every two weeks and at the same time everytime you weigh yourself. i weighed myself yesterday only because i felt like i had a bad day on saturday and well apparently not because it said i was weighing in at 215pounds. that made me happy. i actually worked out today, i just actually got up and did it. i started the 30 day shred with jillian michaels. I started drinking hot green tea too and i never thought that i would be one to actually like it. when you get a fill, how do you know it's your sweet spot? i believe i have 6 or 7 cc's in my band so far, i'm leaning more towards the 6cc's. thank you for the little saying (:

Ilene62 - that is true. i absolutely do not know what kind of band i have, all i know is that it holds 10cc's and that i was banded in july 2009.

i want to make a list of foods to avoid. other than what i have listed, what else should be listed[mainly foods that tend to get stuck]?

Foods to Avoid

1. Pasta
   
2. bread
   
3. rice
   
4. processed foods
   

ElizabethAnne-thank you, i will be calling tomorrow