So this past Friday was my best friend's birthday (it's a trio of us, my friend the bday girl, and another friend of mine and me). She wanted to go to the local casino's night club for her birthday and her boyfriend paid for a room for her to stay there. I was all pumped up for it until that night and I don't know why or what happened, but I feel like I need to vent to you guys here because you're the only people who would understand.

When I got out of work I met my friend (non bday girl) at her office (we all work for the same organization three different departments and three different offices lol) we were going to go to her house and get ready and then head out to the casino. We were running so far behind, we had to go to the mall so my friend could get a dress for the club, then we had to get something to eat. We had to wait in this LONG line in the food court because it's lent and she can't eat meat. So we finally get shrimp from the hibachi and she's like chowing it down in 3 minutes (mind you she knows I had the sx, her aunt had it too, so she knows I can't eat fast) so I literally had three shrimp and had the throw the rest out.

We get back to her house by the time we leave for the casino it's like 9:30 pm, we didn't get up there until 10:30 or so, and we had to get ready in the room. That's when it started with me, I don't know if it was from the lack of food or the fact that I was the only one there who wasn't young, skinny and gorgeous, or the fact that my bf couldn't go bc he had to work and everyone had their bfs or husbands with them, but I put on my dress, put on my make up and jewlery and I just thought to myself "I look like s*&%" and you got to understand my friends are GORGEOUS just beautiful women inside and out and so are their husbands/bfs whatever. I'm not putting any blame on them, because they could tell something was wrong and they are like "you look great, you're fine" but I couldn't put that in my head.

We head down to the club and the deal is free cover until 11pm. So we have our IDs checked then head over to get our wrist bands. Well my two friends get in free, and I get up to the register and the girl goes "10 dollars" for what? She's like "it's 11pm" my watch said 10:58 so I just paid and shut up I knew it was because of how I looked but I didn't care, until we get into the club and swear on my life I was the only "obese" person there. It totally sucked it was like model h$*& where do these people come from? And trust me this isn't Vegas or Monte Carlo this is Connecticut not anything fancy trust me!

So then a tiff happened between the couples, and the birthday girl left me and my other friend went with her. The boys I guess went back to the room to drink. Once we left that club I felt SO much better! IDK maybe because I felt like I was discrimanated against because of my weight which to be honest I never thought happened to me or I put blinders on idk.

The bday girl found another bar for us to go to and the atmosphere was so much better! The guys at the door got a table for us because of my friend's birthday we got a comp bottle of champagne and the patrons were so friendly and down to earth. It's crazy how a change of venue can make a person feel. We talked to some guys and they bought us all drinks. I literally had three drinks the whole night and woke up the next morning with the WORSE hangover! What is with that? We ended up staying the night at the casino.

So my question is: why did I feel the way I did? Is this normal? What should I do the next time? Why was I so hungover (this one is a joke lol) I just don't know why this happened and it sucks because it's my friend's birthday and I didn't want to screw things up but I def didn't.

Sorry about rambling I had to get this off my chest.

Well you got hungover because you hardly ate anything and probably was dehydrated too, not having much in your system will make the alcohol affect you even more than normal, so never never drink on an empty stomach or a nearly empty one

As for feeling like you did i totally understand why u felt like it, even with the weight i have lost i still feel big and awkward, this is not how i used to be when i was younger but i feel it 10 times more now.. I can put on clothes even now and i hate myself, not because i am fat because im not really anymore but because i dont see what other see, i still see the person who looked huge felt huge and felt like i dont belong, so you dont hear compliments u dont see what others see and it puts u on edge, it can make u paranoid. Getting ready in a hurry doesnt help, or round someones place instead of your own home all im sure added up to u feeling what i would term as stressed. You werent in the frame of mind to enjoy yourself and you didnt ..what u need to do to avoid feeling that way again is to plan things better, take some food to work to eat before u leave so u arent reliant on fast food, make sure u try on what u want to wear the night before u go out, plan acessories to give u a feeling like the whole package. Think of how some famous people who are heavy look and deal with the 'glamour' side of life..

Just plan things a little better and im sure u wont have an evening like it again

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your input. It's so weird but when I go out with my bf or friends for drinks or whatever, I don't have a problem. I think it was just the whole club aspect of it and also at 31 I'm a little too old to be shaking my @$$ at a club anyway

You have an image in your mind of what you look like and it is hard to get that image out of your head. I look in the mirror now and there are still times when I think I am way too fat and start getting down on myself. Even though those around me complement me on how I look and I now get attention that I didn't when I was heavier, I had 20 years of putting myself down and seeing myself in a negative way. Even though logically I know what I look like the psychological part of me tends to take over. As for alcohol, stay away if possible, you will now be able to eat only a fraction of what you did before and alcohol wil hit you harder. Good luck and try to do positve things for yourself to build your self esteem. Remember this is a journey not a miracle.