As you know I have my consult on Dec 1. I had a good talk with my Dad tonight (short version, friends are in favor/support of the banding, my dad/step mom (aka my mom) are NOT in favor). I finally had a good heart to heart with Dad tonight (background- he has been very very supportive over the years, to the point of severe enabling/.co-dependency) basically he has 'saved' me so many times in so many messes. I loathed to say it but I am, to some degree, spoiled. My folks helped me buy my home/condo (he did a lot of remodeling for free, she was my realtor), they have helped me with the car disaster, etc...etc...etc... I was severely molested by my mother and her boyfriends growing up. (I think my dad has always felt severe guilt for not seeing what was going on (or trying to raise a family and missing what was right in front of him). I turned to food as a way to 'hide' (if you are fat you get ignored (and if you are told you are very ugly/unloved at a very very early age it sticks with you). I don't think I have spoken to my mom in a year? (no biggie)

Anyhow- Dad made a comment tonight (again he doesn't know the diff tween banding and bypass) he said

"I am just looking for another crutch". I also realize I am concerned about my psych eval. (I went to culinary school, wrote a cook book, etc- my relationship with food is VERY convoluted lol)

I also know I am seeing them for Thanksgiving and lap banding will be the "elephant in the room" (I DO wish my consult was BEFORE tgiving not after wards!!!). After talking about the major home remodeling they are doing (to sell the mansion they live in)...and their dog, my dog....her job/slow sales, my job/the large company I work for....oh- we are eating AT HOME (so they don't

get to pick apart what everyone else is wearing/eating/etc).... so I guess I am trying to 'arm' myself....

as usual I know you will give some amazing feedback, from your hearts, and bands

thanks (in advance)

I realize I DO want their support in this... I honestly don't have any friends outside of work (and I tend to keep work and non-work separate....)

A funny aside- one of the reasons I went INTO culinary school was a mad crush on one of the professors... (sigh).... who later had Lap Band Surgery...(I never saw the reason, but was interesting to see inside someone else's head... his band recently failed after 6 years and he had it removed and another surgery done...

and there is the old adage, 'never trust a skinny chef'. Culinary school was one major binge for me...sigh/wow

I understand that our relationship with food will change but most cooks/chef are thin.

A question for you to discuss with your family? Would a cancer patient go without the tools that are available to them? would a diabetic not take their medicaion or use a needle to inject insulin into thier bodies? they are tools, just like a band. We have a medical diagnosis that can lead to death if it is not resolved. Why would we not use tools that are available to us that are proven to have lasting effects?

You are a lot like me...always looking for my parents approval. Well I had an Ah-Ha moment at my psych appointment last week...and that I am always trying to prove myself to my parents especially my dad. From my career, too my personal life and even proving that I could be my drivers license in the first road test at 17! the list goes on and on...and then it hit me like a ton of bricks....when I was small (like under 10) I was very thin. I hated to eat because my tonsils always bothered me and I remember my parents always being worried and upset that I was so thin and didn't eat. I think I unconsciously pack on the weight to prove them wrong or to make them happy! O-M-G I don't blame them because being a parent I understand their worry because my son is the same way. With him I just know not to give him a hard time. BUT now that I am heavy and my parents would like me to be thin so once again I am trying to prove them wrong...I have to break that cycle and do this for me and only me so I can be a better mother, wife, daughter and friend!

My mom still shakes her head with uncertainty about this surgery, but I am doing me this time so I don't care. She is supportive because she knows I made my mind up, she'll come around and by next year she will be telling me it was the best thing I ever did for myself! Especially when I start going to family function again after avoiding them for the last 8 years!

I know i've said this on the boards somewhere before, but I'll say it again, and again, it's only my personal experience and may not be what other banders have experienced.

i am (or was) a bulk eater. i'm not a picker or grazer, but if a plate is in front of me i will eat everything on that plate, then go back for 2nds, maybe 3rds and when i'm done, i'll be planning what is going to be eaten at the next meal.

since getting the band, the food monster has silenced in my brain. i am not constantly thinking about food, my next meal, what's for dinner, what's for Breakfast, what kind of snack i can have. i just don't think about it. i might go 4 or 5 hours between meals and then i might only eat because my stomach is growling or i'm nauseated. (i have found that i don't feel hunger when i'm hungry, i actually get a little bit nauseated. took a while to figure that one out, but that's how i know)

i don't have any fills, ergo no restriction, but i haven't needed it because i am in what i consider to be a green zone. i'm not constantly thinking about food. this was a major deal for me.

even when i do eat, i can't eat plates and plates that i used to eat. i can eat maybe 2 cups of food, like a piece of fish, maybe half a crab cake or a piece of grilled chicken and a little bit of spaghetti squash. i can't physically eat more than that because it will get uncomfortable. i haven't tried to push it to see how much i can eat, i just eat what i think is a normal amount of food for me and then i'm done.

i don't know how to explain how it feels to suddenly go from constantly thinking about food to just thinking about it when it's time to eat. i feel like i have gained so much of my life back. i'm not planning my day around a meal time.

and since you are a foodie, a culinary person, i think you will be pleasantly suprised by how much more you will actually enjoy food once you are banded. pre-band, i was a vacuum. i sucked food down. didn't chew, didn't take the time to taste anything, just open and swallow. post band, i can't do that. i have to chew everything. i have discovered new tastes and i've even discovered that foods i once thought i loved, after chewing them to oblivion, i don't really care for them any longer.

the band for me isn't about not eating things i love, it is about portion control and eating just the right amount of foods i love. so far, i have been successful. i can eat any type of food if i chew it long enough and i am satisfied on just a small amount of food. i couldn't have done this pre-band. i was hungry all of the time. so the number 1 thing that band has done for me is cut out my hunger...that driving hunger monster that just constantly talked to me and told me to eat, eat, eat.

hopefully, it will do that for you. a regular diet won't work because while you may cut calories and cut back on food, you'll still be hungry. eventually, you will break down and eat everything in sight. with the band, hunger is kept at bay and you can live a normal life. that is what it has done for me.

Hi there. You sound frustrated at your lack of support from your parents concerning the lapband. As numerous others have stated, you can come to this forum for support. You said that your parents have "saved" you many times in the past, but this choice requires you to "save yourself". The lapband is not only a "tool", but it is a medically recognized procedure that can assist people to lose weight and maintain that weight loss. Yes, it is drastic...but having failed on many diets/exercise plans, it is often the choice of last resort. Your parents have been very supportive in the past and will likely be supportive, when they see that it works for you (just give them some time to get used to the idea).

I am very much like the previous poster, Dibley Dawn, as to my eating habits. I have only been banded for one month, but the change in my attitude towards food is nothing short of miraculous. I don't think about food all of the time. I eat what I want to eat (Protein first, followed by veg, and if I'm still hungry a bit a carbs) but I can't eat very much (1-1.5 cups per meal). I haven't had a fill and I may not need one. I have lost 31 pounds to date and look forward to losing the remaining 89 pounds. Even more, I look forward to keeping that weight off. I do not regret making this decision, but I am very lucky that my doctor and husband were very supportive of me (I haven't told anyone else because I haven't wanted to experience what you have been going through...it just wouldn't have been helpful to me).

Good luck with your pre-consults and surgery and keep asking questions. It's good to be informed and ultimately this is your decision.

Wow, Dibley- do you know how much cautious HOPE this gives me?

I taught a dear friend (single, wealthy, charming, clueless and knew how to nuke and 'maybe' boil water) how to cook awhile back (now he has the most *amazing* wife and daughter (Fiona Jane). He would buy the food and I would teach him an array of recipes for his repetoire (a great dessert, risotto, a 'Breakfast in bed' dish, a slow cooker dish, etc..

so there we are, sitting in his 23rd story condo deck, amazing view, great company....eating and all *I* can do is be thinking about what I will cook NEXT, not be in the moment with food, but worry about the next meal. I get so annoyed that I am always 'what do I have get from the grocery store next' mode (never mind I have a fair ammount of food in the house/frig).

This sounds boderline 'too good to be true'

looking forward to my consult..

and thanks to ALL for all this great information.

(not to be too balanced, but what percentage of bands are 'amazing', 'average' and 'horror stories'?

(I am assuming this board is a lot of 'amazings'?

I know i've said this on the boards somewhere before, but I'll say it again, and again, it's only my personal experience and may not be what other banders have experienced.

i am (or was) a bulk eater. i'm not a picker or grazer, but if a plate is in front of me i will eat everything on that plate, then go back for 2nds, maybe 3rds and when i'm done, i'll be planning what is going to be eaten at the next meal.

since getting the band, the food monster has silenced in my brain. i am not constantly thinking about food, my next meal, what's for dinner, what's for breakfast, what kind of snack i can have. i just don't think about it. i might go 4 or 5 hours between meals and then i might only eat because my stomach is growling or i'm nauseated. (i have found that i don't feel hunger when i'm hungry, i actually get a little bit nauseated. took a while to figure that one out, but that's how i know)

i don't have any fills, ergo no restriction, but i haven't needed it because i am in what i consider to be a green zone. i'm not constantly thinking about food. this was a major deal for me.

even when i do eat, i can't eat plates and plates that i used to eat. i can eat maybe 2 cups of food, like a piece of fish, maybe half a crab cake or a piece of grilled chicken and a little bit of spaghetti squash. i can't physically eat more than that because it will get uncomfortable. i haven't tried to push it to see how much i can eat, i just eat what i think is a normal amount of food for me and then i'm done.

i don't know how to explain how it feels to suddenly go from constantly thinking about food to just thinking about it when it's time to eat. i feel like i have gained so much of my life back. i'm not planning my day around a meal time.

and since you are a foodie, a culinary person, i think you will be pleasantly suprised by how much more you will actually enjoy food once you are banded. pre-band, i was a vacuum. i sucked food down. didn't chew, didn't take the time to taste anything, just open and swallow. post band, i can't do that. i have to chew everything. i have discovered new tastes and i've even discovered that foods i once thought i loved, after chewing them to oblivion, i don't really care for them any longer.

the band for me isn't about not eating things i love, it is about portion control and eating just the right amount of foods i love. so far, i have been successful. i can eat any type of food if i chew it long enough and i am satisfied on just a small amount of food. i couldn't have done this pre-band. i was hungry all of the time. so the number 1 thing that band has done for me is cut out my hunger...that driving hunger monster that just constantly talked to me and told me to eat, eat, eat.

hopefully, it will do that for you. a regular diet won't work because while you may cut calories and cut back on food, you'll still be hungry. eventually, you will break down and eat everything in sight. with the band, hunger is kept at bay and you can live a normal life. that is what it has done for me.

Wow, Dibley- do you know how much cautious HOPE this gives me?

i know, right?

if you would have told me that i would no longer be obsessing over food 6 months ago, i would have told you were crazy. obsessing over my next meal is what i do. but i really don't do it any more. or at least i haven't in 6 months.

i don't know if it is that way for everyone, but it is certainly that way for me. i primarily went into the band thinking i would have to say goodbye to food forever. i even had a two week mourning period where i ate everything in sight. i don't suggest doing that, but i just didn't know then that i would be able to eat things.

i DO think a lot of it is due to the fact that I have not had a fill. i don't know when i'll get one and i honestly hope i never do have to get one. life has really opened up for me, especially foodwise. i think you will definintely be in the moment with food, as you really don't have much of a choice. if you don't chew it, it gets stuck, so you have to make friends with whatever is in your mouth

good luck with whatever you decide and keep us posted on your journey. we love updates.

Thanks Lorena (a dear friend at work is a 'Lorana' btw...

I really like what you said....my new mantra (for the folks will be) "let me get the info' (I do need to ask about how much this will cost (as I am dealing with student loans as well right now). and I AM gathering info (and support

I really like what you said about the satiety thing... funny how folks do NOT hear all the success stories, just the 5 bad stories...

I am also doing my psyche history for the doctor right now and the dates are startling...I went to eating disorder treatment center 22 years ago! I did OA several times, Weight Watchers when I was 19 (and the only male and person under 25...ugh, back then it was about diet soda and artificial junk) and I have gained it back. and I have gained it back. Whats the point of trying to lose a 'pound at a time" if it will just come back....

keep the encouragement coming...it is MUCH appreciated!

penndulum

Hi there. You sound frustrated at your lack of support from your parents concerning the lapband. As numerous others have stated, you can come to this forum for support. You said that your parents have "saved" you many times in the past, but this choice requires you to "save yourself". The lapband is not only a "tool", but it is a medically recognized procedure that can assist people to lose weight and maintain that weight loss. Yes, it is drastic...but having failed on many diets/exercise plans, it is often the choice of last resort. Your parents have been very supportive in the past and will likely be supportive, when they see that it works for you (just give them some time to get used to the idea).

I am very much like the previous poster, Dibley Dawn, as to my eating habits. I have only been banded for one month, but the change in my attitude towards food is nothing short of miraculous. I don't think about food all of the time. I eat what I want to eat (Protein first, followed by veg, and if I'm still hungry a bit a carbs) but I can't eat very much (1-1.5 cups per meal). I haven't had a fill and I may not need one. I have lost 31 pounds to date and look forward to losing the remaining 89 pounds. Even more, I look forward to keeping that weight off. I do not regret making this decision, but I am very lucky that my doctor and husband were very supportive of me (I haven't told anyone else because I haven't wanted to experience what you have been going through...it just wouldn't have been helpful to me).

Good luck with your pre-consults and surgery and keep asking questions. It's good to be informed and ultimately this is your decision.

Thanks Lorena (a dear friend at work is a 'Lorana' btw...

I really like what you said....my new mantra (for the folks will be) "let me get the info' (I do need to ask about how much this will cost (as I am dealing with student loans as well right now). and I AM gathering info (and support

I really like what you said about the satiety thing... funny how folks do NOT hear all the success stories, just the 5 bad stories...

I am also doing my psyche history for the doctor right now and the dates are startling...I went to eating disorder treatment center 22 years ago! I did OA several times, Weight Watchers when I was 19 (and the only male and person under 25...ugh, back then it was about diet soda and artificial junk) and I have gained it back. and I have gained it back. Whats the point of trying to lose a 'pound at a time" if it will just come back....

keep the encouragement coming...it is MUCH appreciated!

penndulum

Thanks, no problem. As I said, keep asking questions, do your homework and then do what is right for you. You have struggled a long time with your weight issues and certainly have tried many other ways to lose the weight. Being a chef, makes watching your weight even more difficult.

On another note, I enjoy food now, more than I did in the past...mainly because I actually taste and enjoy it! Last night we had a dinner party and I actually participated in the conversation, rather than spending my time eating...and yes, I ate a little bit of everything that was served (prime rib, twice baked potatoes, peas, small glass of wine and desert) and no one noticed my smaller portions, as I eat much more slowly than I did in the past. And I was down a pound on the scales this morning. I don't do this every day, but I'm back on my regular routine today, with no problem. So good luck and keep me posted on your progress.