So... This is hard to admit but... I kinda thinking I have traded one eatinf disorder, over eating, with another, anorexia/bulemia. I know it's wrong & I try really hard to watch myself around others b/c they r starting to notice. I find if I eat alone I throw everything up or simply chew the food up & spit.it out. I feel best about myself if I only eat 300~400 cals a day & I'm only happy when I am averaging a 5~7 lb wt.loss per week.

Has ne one else on here gone thru this?! I'm a nurse I know how bad these habit r but for the first time in my life I feel like I have control over food.

I know for me, and its soooo hard to do - I need to eat MORE. My idea of healthy eating adds up to about 1000 calories a day and at 5ft 10, 140lb, running about 10kms most days, working as a teacher, busy with 3 kids etc, I cant survive on that. I can hold out with willpower and my band makes me not hungry, but my body knows a) that its not being fed and that it doesnt need to lose any more weight. So after a few days of that, it sends me urgent EAT signals and I cave and binge. If I eat more, like 1500 or so a day, this never happens. But I think I'm fat and that I have to starve.

Its probably the biggest longer term problem that's come out of cancer treatment - I'm pretty sure my surgeon and oncologist suspect I'm anorexic and it does spring from anorexic sort of thinking - I had lots of thoughts about being forced into all these nasty treatments like radiation, surgery and chemo and when my doctors started commenting that I should try to gain a bit of weight, I thought "this is one thing nobody can make me do" - I got secretive and sly about it. Scary stuff - I'm much better now and have actually gained a healthy amount but its hard to accept ANY gain, needed or not.

But eating a bit more healthy food does seem to help me, I just have to make myself do it. And I just pretty much accept that my relationship with food will never be "normal" but I suspect that's true for most women. I eat from all food groups and pretty much what I want to eat, but I restrict quantity and I'm pretty darn obsessive about getting my exercise.

I met with my counselor today & we talked a lot about my eating issues... I haven't been to see her in a yr & a half, by the end she looked like "holy crap u need some major work!". It felt good to tell someone to their face about my problems arising with food. However I fear with the stress of my moms cancer the anorexia part may become worse... I finally forces myself to eat a couple of bites of chicken & some cottage cheese this evening. It's going to be a rough road ahead for both of us I fear