Yesterday we went to visit a friend of my fiance's that he hasn't seen in a long time. We were having dinner there with him and his family and it was clear that my fiance had neglected to mention that I have a lap band. His friend kept asking me what I wanted to drink with dinner and I kept saying "Nothing, thank you." I wasn't sure if he was confused or insulted because he kept offering different choices, possibly thinking I didn't like anything they had. Finally my fiance had to say "She has to wait until after eating to drink," to which his friend replied "Hey whatever floats your boat." To my further embarrassment, his friend asked me how my job was going and I had to tell him I was laid off months ago.

After this exchange, I was too embarrassed to ask for smaller portions, in fear of insulting his friend further and bringing the visit down, so I ate what I could and quietly slipped my fiance the rest. I know I probably should have come right out and said "I have a lap band" but for some reason I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't feel like answering tons of questions and whatnot. What would you guys have done in my place? I feel like I didn't handle the situation very well.

I never feel I owe anyone an explanation, especially people that are not close to me. Your host didn't need to insist on giving you a drink but I sometimes just let them place a glass of water on the table for me and don't drink it. Sometimes people notice I just pick at my food because I cannot eat a "regular" portion and I decide how much (if any) info I want to share. I don't think you handled it wrong at all!

Not sure why everyone feels the need to explain everything, but if you must, try this:

A) I'm trying to cut back on how much I eat and don't want to fill up on a drink before I eat this lovely dinner

I'm trying to cut back on how much I eat - so I'm only going to take a very small portion

As for the job - the lap band - the portion - remember, guys are different - they don't really care, hence your guy not telling his friend anything. Now if the friend was a woman, she would have been all about the what, whens and whys. Don't think this out too much.......it is what it is.......you can always try:

"It may not look like it, but I'm working on cutting my portion by half. "

If they ask more questions - ignore them or say you're not comfortable talking about it. Otherwise, just tell the truth for goodness sakes - which is: I CAN'T EAT VERY MUCH! End of story.

I would have just asked for a drink and then left it until after I had eaten. Easy and no need for any explanation. Also it is possible to sip at a glass of wine whilst eating without it causing problems - not something you want to do every day but on occasion it won't hurt. I eat with people that don't know I have a band and have never had any problems. I have even been on holiday with people , staying in the same house, and not had the need to explain.

If you only want a small portion say so - there is nothing wrong with eating less - you don't have to explain why. Personally when I have people around I like to prepare the food and let them serve themselves.That way everyone can eat exactly what/how much they want.

I think you handled it well. If I'm at restaurants or around others I always have a glass of water in front of me but I just leave it be. Since you are engaged, you could always use the exscuse of trying to lose weight for the wedding. It may be more understandable and guys don't want to get into wedding talk so it could work well. lol

I dont tell people im banded so I am always in similar situations like this.

You seemed to have handled things well, but there are always a million ways to handle things.

For me, at a meal I always just ask for Water and dont drink it until the end of right before the meal ( if we are chatting for a while before things are prepared).

As for the food, I pick out the amount I want and sometimes leave leftovers. If I am served the food by someone else I always end of leaving left overs.

If someone questions if i like the food or not I say I ate before, I eat like a bird etc.

Here is a post with some excuses people can use.

http://alienbanditinkorea.wordpress.com/2010/01/06/excuses-from-my-band/