Hello all,

so... I'm in the waiting phase now... meet with the doc's PA on May 18, schedule surgery some time in July. I've read a lot on here about to tell or not, and I gotta tell ya, some peoples' reactions flat out amaze me.

I'm 6'5", I weigh 375 pounds.... I have a 56 inch waist... and people say to me..."you're not that big.." WTF????? are you kidding me? It's like I'm being exposed to a whole new level of insanity. I've read on these forums that a LOT of things can and will change as a result of this surgery and the way you change yourself, including your friends. Didn't know what to think of that, but I'm starting to see it already. So I guess my question is how much has your change of life affected your family? I suspect there may be some adjustment pains as life changes?

Thanks!

Stan

Not much. Many of them just compliment me/say I look great. They don't treat me any differently, IMO. My brother will sometimes pick at me, ie. last night we went to dinner for Mother's Day and I told the chef I didn't want rice with my meal and my brother said something like "ohh no rice she can't weigh it" or "she'll gain an ounce." It bugs me a little but I laugh it off; he does know I weigh everything I eat and I guess he finds it funny; doesn't bother me much!

It hasn't affected my family much at all. I get lots of compliments from them and they aren't bothered by the fact that I can't eat that much anymore. It's like I never even had the lap band sometimes (except when it takes me 3 times as long to finish 1/3 of the food they are eating!)

Stan, wait till you've lost a fair amount of weight, and you bump into people who haven't seen you in awhile. I usually get "Oh, you look so different! ARE YOU SICK?" I work at a hospital, so maybe my coworkers are predisposed to thinking that way, but it's kind of strange that they automatically assume I'm gravely ill to have (finally) lost weight.

Dave

My lifestyle hasn't had a direct effect on my family because I live in another state. So they don't have the deal with the day-to-day changes. Most of my relatives are either overweight or obese, so they are generally interested in how my weight loss journey is going. However, I can tell that my mom is a little bit uncomfortable because I've been pretty candid about the process, particularly my weight. I'm 5' 8" and weighed 337 on the day of surgery, and I got the same reaction you did. I guess it's a compliment that I supposedly carry my weight well. But to me, high blood pressure, diabetes and knee problems isn't exactly a good way to carry my weight. I know in my family, we don't like to talk about how much someone actually weighs. But it's been pretty important for me to be honest with myself about how much I weigh instead of hiding behind a large frame, family history, etc. And that same degree of honesty may make other people uncomfortable, but I don't really care at this point.

Stan, you will go through many changes on your journey.......from clothes shopping to attending a party.......everything will be different. I just hit my goal today - I started out on November 16, 2009 at 5'8'', 290 lbs. Most people didn't think I had enough weight to lose to warrant the band - but than again, most people didn't know how much I weighed. Now they see the difference when I show them the before and after pics.

I did have a problem with my husband during the last few months getting on to me for not eating enough......we finally visited our GP together and I had the Doc look over my blood work and finally tell my husband to chill out - my blood work was great and I was fine! So he's now let it go - and I never did find out what his problem was......but I truely think he was worried about my health.

Enjoy your journey and one final word of advice - watch out for depression - clinical depression has become VERY common with bariatric surgery and something that doctors are begining to study. Many of us are over weight because we are emotional eaters.......if you use your band correctly, you can no longer keep that as a comfort. But, doctors can help you through the rough Patches. I think a big reason the band "fails" people is because of depression.

Good luck.

Not much effect here, my kids are very proud of their "hot' mum (teenage boys).

Seriously too, you'll get people telling you to stop losing weight, that you'll look sick or too thin when you're still obese! Its nuts. People on this forum even say it about themselves, some people have a strange fear of a truly normal weight approaching that when the general population is fat even if not weight loss surgery obese will alarm people.

Stan, wait till you've lost a fair amount of weight, and you bump into people who haven't seen you in awhile. I usually get "Oh, you look so different! ARE YOU SICK?" I work at a hospital, so maybe my coworkers are predisposed to thinking that way, but it's kind of strange that they automatically assume I'm gravely ill to have (finally) lost weight.

Dave

Hahaha!! I don't work at a hospital, but I get the ARE YOU SICK thing A LOT! I just wonder what they AREN'T asking... like, I am sure some people are thinking "Must be DRUGS!"... and sometimes I so badly want to be a stinker and just tell them "It's the meth."

the most ironic thing about it is I actuall AM sick, lol, recovering from bowel cancer and I got really really skinny for a while there and still only have a BMI of 20. Nobody says a word now! Everyone woudl say "oh, you look great" and be encouraging that I dont look like a cancer patient. But when I was 10kg heavier and still losing people were all worried that I was sick!

God I love it!!! I'll have to remember that..."I'm not sick.... it's the meth!" awesome!

Actually, I've heard some of the comments made about me, never to my face,.. and I'm beginning to think that some folks don't want me to change simply because in my present state they can feel good about themselves by pointing at me... make sense? What's gonna happen when that goes away? guess it makes them nervous. And thank you all for the pointers about everything being different, and to watch out for depression. That certainly makes sense to me... so I can't stuff myself silly anymore... now what?? Food has certainly been a drug of choice for me.

In the meantime, I wait for my appt on the 17th, then wait for my date in July. Gives me plenty of opportunity now to learn to chew, chew, chew.... which is definitely taking some work because I'm pretty much a shoveler.

anyway, thanks again for all the input... damn I"m glad to know I'm not alone on this rollercoaster ride!!

Stan

God I love it!!! I'll have to remember that..."I'm not sick.... it's the meth!" awesome!

Actually, I've heard some of the comments made about me, never to my face,.. and I'm beginning to think that some folks don't want me to change simply because in my present state they can feel good about themselves by pointing at me... make sense? What's gonna happen when that goes away? guess it makes them nervous. And thank you all for the pointers about everything being different, and to watch out for depression. That certainly makes sense to me... so I can't stuff myself silly anymore... now what?? food has certainly been a drug of choice for me.

In the meantime, I wait for my appt on the 17th, then wait for my date in July. Gives me plenty of opportunity now to learn to chew, chew, chew.... which is definitely taking some work because I'm pretty much a shoveler.

anyway, thanks again for all the input... damn I"m glad to know I'm not alone on this rollercoaster ride!!

Stan

I wanted to include one extra thought: I started to see a therapist two months before I had my surgery to work on my food addictions. I too use food as comfort and I am now working on why I have been doing this and what I can do instead. I just had my surgery on May 6th 2011 and I feel great and I have been able to use some of the tools I learned in therapy to help me through this week of recovery. Good luck on your journey.....I am thrilled with how quickly I am recovering and you will be too.

Paula

God I love it!!! I'll have to remember that..."I'm not sick.... it's the meth!" awesome!

Actually, I've heard some of the comments made about me, never to my face,.. and I'm beginning to think that some folks don't want me to change simply because in my present state they can feel good about themselves by pointing at me... make sense? What's gonna happen when that goes away? guess it makes them nervous. And thank you all for the pointers about everything being different, and to watch out for depression. That certainly makes sense to me... so I can't stuff myself silly anymore... now what?? food has certainly been a drug of choice for me.

In the meantime, I wait for my appt on the 17th, then wait for my date in July. Gives me plenty of opportunity now to learn to chew, chew, chew.... which is definitely taking some work because I'm pretty much a shoveler.

anyway, thanks again for all the input... damn I"m glad to know I'm not alone on this rollercoaster ride!!

Stan

Stan, you and I have compared notes offline, and one thing I don't think I've mentioned is that I've exchanged eating anything and everything (sometimes twice as much twice as often) for looking for healthy ways to increase my weight loss. One thing I've done is focused very clearly on exercise. I've made it a part of my daily routine, so much so that I won't let myself eat dinner unless I've worked out first. And if I skip a day at the gym I really feel it.

By making my daily stop at the gym part of my drive home after work, I'm "forced" to get my workout into my daily activities. I know once I get home, I'm not likely to go back out to the gym, so I make that part of my overall workday. So in a sense I've traded my daily overeating bad habit for daily working out good habit. It's a win-win for me.

Dave

I think people say things like "you're not that big" because they're trying to be polite. Would you rather have them say, "OMG, it's about time you did somehting, you fatty"? WLS is something that's difficult for people who haven't had a weight problem to understand. They don't know how to react when you tell them you're having it. As you lose weight, people get so used to you having been big that they have a very warped perception of what you should look like, and a skinnier you looks "unhealthy" to them.

I thought I might have a port leak and need a revision a few weeks ago, and several people asked "do you even need the band? Aren't you at or close to your goal?" I laughed and told them I needed to lose almost another 30lbs before even being on the upper end of the healthy BMI chart.

I think people say things like "you're not that big" because they're trying to be polite. Would you rather have them say, "OMG, it's about time you did somehting, you fatty"? WLS is something that's difficult for people who haven't had a weight problem to understand. They don't know how to react when you tell them you're having it. As you lose weight, people get so used to you having been big that they have a very warped perception of what you should look like, and a skinnier you looks "unhealthy" to them.

I thought I might have a port leak and need a revision a few weeks ago, and several people asked "do you even need the band? Aren't you at or close to your goal?" I laughed and told them I needed to lose almost another 30lbs before even being on the upper end of the healthy BMI chart.

Good call!!! It's true.. I've lived here in the valley for 10 years,and been overweight the entire time. No one here has seen me at "fighting weight" like I was in the navy. Of course, old navy buddies have to do a double take since they've never seen me this big. And Dave, you're dead on too... I have not made exercise a staple, no questions asked part of my life yet, but I AM getting closer. And I know that when I do hit the gym, I'm much more mindful of what I eat since I don't want to blow what I just did. But that's what I'm hoping the band will take care of for me, in the sense of portion control and hunger. Sometimes, even after going to the gym, or working very hard outdoors all day, I"ll blow it all with a six pack and two ( or more) burgers. That's a bit of insanity right there. Plus, since obesity is such a widespread and growing (no pun intended) problem, I sometimes think that people don't realize what unhealthy weight looks like... kinda' like that "how do you boil a frog" thing... you know.. a little at a time, they never notice the change in temp so they don't jump...

anyway... again.. I'm glad you all are here... all of you. Like I said... man.... what a rollercoaster ride!!!

I love this place. I don't really have a lot to say often, but I come here at least 3 or 4 times a week just to gaze at what others are posting and I have learned so much about this journey, what to expect and how to avoid bad things. I have a long ways to go and this is a long, hard struggle for me everyday, but just having "friends" out there going through the same things as me is huge. I have a few friends who know what I'm doing and my family who are all great supporters, but none of them have the band, so to have the connection to those who are also experiencing the same things I am. It's indescribable So best of luck to you sir and also a great big thanks to everyone here as well.

I discovered something this week......after 18 months, I'm finally sick of hearing how great I look. Five different things occured:

1) I posted my before and after pic on my facebook page and received an email from a total stranger asking me how I lost weight and begging me to help her. I was shocked because I have my FB page blocked so you can see very little about me........I discovered later that she is a friend of a friend who showed her my pic;

2) I was on the elevator at work with one of our Sr. VPs discussing business when we stopped and someone got on. That woman ask me if I was Terri and when I said yes, she proceeded to go on and on about how great I looked, that she'd seen my before and after pic and what had I done - once again - someone else had shown her my pic - and this woman wasn't over weight, she had a family member that was and wanted to know what I had done so that she could share the info;

3) When I walked into a class I was about to teach, my boss said - here's Terri - isn't she beautiful.........all the trainees in this class were from out of town and I had only previously met 2.......so what, exactly were they to say? They had no idea why my manager was calling me "beautiful"! Very uncomfortable.

4) My manager and I had a disagreement on how to teach a class (my manager is from an older generation) and we couldn't convince the other that we were right. In the end, she said: you've done such a great job changing your outside - maybe it's time to work on your inside. I SUGGESTED she not go there.......

5) and finally - on 4 different occasions this week, someone came up to me, while eating lunch with my dear friend who struggles with about 50 extra pounds, to tell me how great I look. Each time I was more and more uncomfortable.......so I'd say a quick thank you and then try to ignore them in hopes that they would move along and not start asking a bunch of questions.

Anyone else feel the same? After all - we are still the same people on the inside - aren't we?