Hello all,

so... I'm in the waiting phase now... meet with the doc's PA on May 18, schedule surgery some time in July. I've read a lot on here about to tell or not, and I gotta tell ya, some peoples' reactions flat out amaze me.

I'm 6'5", I weigh 375 pounds.... I have a 56 inch waist... and people say to me..."you're not that big.." WTF????? are you kidding me? It's like I'm being exposed to a whole new level of insanity. I've read on these forums that a LOT of things can and will change as a result of this surgery and the way you change yourself, including your friends. Didn't know what to think of that, but I'm starting to see it already. So I guess my question is how much has your change of life affected your family? I suspect there may be some adjustment pains as life changes?

Thanks!

Stan

Hahaha!! I don't work at a hospital, but I get the ARE YOU SICK thing A LOT! I just wonder what they AREN'T asking... like, I am sure some people are thinking "Must be DRUGS!"... and sometimes I so badly want to be a stinker and just tell them "It's the meth."

That is too funny "it's the meth" I too have people ask if I'm sick. Never thought they would be saying I'm a druggie to funny. I just tell everyone I eat lots of protien and exersice.

I was very selective about who I told because I didn't want all the assumptions and questions that went with sharing my decision to have weight loss surgery. My family knew and said that they would be supportive but I quickly learned that there are two different types of support and the one I needed most my family struggled to provide. To clarify, my mother and grandmother both wanted the surgery as well. We went in together, and for various reasons they were not able to have the surgery. While they said they were happy for me and were there every step of the way during the surgery and recovery, my first year was really hard because they were not willing to acknowledge the mental journey and complete lifestyle change that I needed to make. I'm not sure if it was jealousy, resentment, or their own disappointment in the system but from the start they questioned everything I did, everything the doctor said. Every time I turned down a piece of food from my mother it was like I was slapping her in the face. She felt like I was rejecting her. To be honest I was probably a huge reminder that what she was eating wasn't healthy and she didn't want to acknowledge that. Example: less than 10 days post surgery my mother demanded that I go to a birthday dinner for my sister, even though I couldn't eat at that point and when I tried to refuse she called me selfish and spoiled. I eventually gave in and went and then she demanded I order something from the menu so that it wasn't awkward for the others around me. So I sat with a bowl of cold chili in front of me for an hour so that everyone else could feel comfortable and pig out while I was absolutely miserable. And don't think I didn't want to eat everything that they were eating!! It was horrible.

It took me two years to hit my 50 lb milestone and when I did, even knowing how hard I had to work to get there my sister got angry when I shared the news, told me I was just rubbing it in her face and left me in tears on the phone. She did realize what she did and apologized but I realized my biggest obstacle was learning that I am strong enough to do this on my own and having the courage to do what I know is right for me and my health even if it makes some other people uncomfortable. Living to please other people and trying to be perfect is what got me into this mess. I don't blame my family, they have their own struggles to deal with, but I did have a breakthrough when I realized that I could stand up to them and defend my right to be happy and healthy. I thought I could inspire them to change, that they could take this journey with me, but now I realize they have to make that choice for themselves just like I did.

I've definitely had some issues with my friends. Our lives were about going out and eating and drinking and I couldn't do either. I found I had to tell them about the surgery so that they didn't think I was odd if I only ordered a side for a meal or picked at my food. I found if you don't tell them they make assumptions about you that are usually a lot worse than the reality! My friends have actually been more supportive than my family. They are accommodating and don't feel threatened if I'm not binging on fast food or demand to bring my own food to a bbq. They help me Celebrate my successes and remind me to stay focused on the big picture. And being more open and honest has even brought my sister around and she's actually starting to support me in her own way. So yes, my journey has been tough, and very very slow, but well worth it.

Meliwriter you make some really good points! Thank you! I'm not banded yet, but I AM starting to eat less, and already I've noticed that some people seem upset if I don't have seconds and thirds... they actually argue with me if I say "no thank you." and this really is all about a choice I've made for me and my health, and sticking up for that is something that folks that know me definitely are NOT used to. I can see already this will be an interesting ride, but I am positive that it's gonna be better than the slow suicide of weight gain I've put myself through.

thanks for your comments!

Stan

Meliwriter, so sorry you don't have the family support. I think they are just envious.......I come from a large family. My mom and all 4 of my older sisters have had by-pass surgery. Only my mom and one sister lost and kept off all their weight. One is bigger than before her surgery, one lost and has kept off 180 pounds, but is still 60 pounds over weight and one lost 200 pounds but has gained back 60. I'm the baby sister and was always the "little" one until about 10 years ago.

I decided on the lapband because I could adjust it.....once I could start eating a whole slice of pizza - in I went for a fill. I've lost 110 pounds in 18 months and have been totally supported by my sisters and my mom. They are very happy and always tell me how great I look. But, they also know how hard I've worked to lose that much weight in 18 months (weight watchers and exercise). I think they admire that......they pretty much depended on the restriction to lose weight.

My suggestion to you is to keep your head up - don't allow them to stop you from attaining your goal. You have nothing to worry about. If I were you, I'd go get a fill and start the road to losing the rest of your weight. Losing weight is more mental then anything else and you don't want to allow anyone to get you off track!

Remember - there is always some one here that will love to give you all the support you could want!

((hugs))