Emotional Rollercoaster
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Had an appt yesterday w/ my PCP to go over some bloodwork. As if stepping on the scale and it reading 230 pounds wasn't enough, he said I have Metabolic Syndrome aka pre-diabetes. I was holding in my tears the whole time he was explaining it to me. He showed me some paperwork on it and the lump in my throat was huge. I knew if I spoke I was going to bust out in tears. And then, it happened. The flood gates opened! I went on to tell him about how I have been like this for 6 years -- up, down, up down and I am so sick of it. Told him I attended a seminar about the band and I have a consult next week. He said "I am not opposed to that". So is that a yes?? He said - exact words - I need a DRASTIC lifestyle change. It's only a matter of WHEN I get diabetes, not IF, as long as I continue to live the way I am now.
I walked out of there and called DH and cried some more. But then I was thinking I am lucky. I am lucky that I have a supportive employer that provides health insurance that covers this procedure. And the doctor even said I have the power to turn this around. I am only 31 and I have the ability to stop this. That made me feel good. So I started to feel better afterwards that this appointment just confirmed that the band is the tool that I need. I think DH saw that too. Then DH starts to talk about loose skin -- ummm...seriously?? I just have an appointment like that and you want to worry about skin?? Then DH goes on to say that I dismiss all of his concerns about the band and just "blow them off" b/c it's not what I want to hear. Well I invited him to the seminar so he could hear exactly what it was about from the doctor's mouth.
Then I got pissed at myself. How did I let this happen? How did it get to this point? Why did I wait til now to do something? Frustrating.
All in all, I think I NEEDED to hear that from my PCP yesterday. Maybe it was the kick in the rear that I needed. But it still sucked to hear.
-J