I was banded less than a month ago, August 3, 2010. I was so happy and hopeful for a better future. Everything went well at first. I lost 18 lbs during my pre-op liquid diet and stuck to the post-op diet for the first 10 days... and then, I lost it.

I started eating solid food like pizza and fried chicken, drinking with meals... and basically breaking all the rules. I do understand that I don't have restriction at this point because I haven't had my first fill yet, but if I continue like this I'm afraid I won't even make it to the first fill. I'm terrified my band will slip because I'm eating so much solid food, and eating it so fast that I need big gulps of diet snapple to make the food go down and it still hurts for that moment. But a moment later I'm eating again.

I'm so disappointed and so angry with myself. Getting the lap-band® is the best thing that could ever happen to me and I'm jeopardizing it because I can't stay away from food. And I know it's not "normal hunger," I know it's my emotional need to eat so that I won't feel or think about anything and just self-medicate. But at what price? I'm scheduled to leave my job at the end of the month and I won't have health insurance for at least 1 year (I'm going back to school). So if anything happens to my band, I can't even get it fixed unless I pay for it (and I don't have that kind of money).

I don't even know what I'm really asking here, because I know the only person who can stop me is me. I know you can't do it for me but I feel so alone with this. I just finished eating a chicken salad club sandwich and I all I want to do is cry and possibly punch myself for being so stupid. I can't tell anyone what I'm doing because I fear they would judge me (and maybe rightly so) and call me irresponsible.

My first fill will be September 7. I had a follow up on August 16 and the band was in place, no problems. I want to stop but most of all I want to know that not all is lost. I want to know that there is a chance my band is just fine and that if I start making healthy choices from this moment on, I still have a chance.

I might not deserve one because of my actions, but I need to know that I still have a chance.

Don't give up just yet. Your journey has just begun! A lot of folks have demons when it comes to food. Afterall, some of us wouldn't have gained this much weight if we didn't have some kind of issue revolving around food!

This journey isn't easy, but it's important you always remember why you wanted to do this for yourself. Keep your eye on the prize! It's so easy to throw in the towel, but in the end you won't solve a thing. You will end up just as dissapointed.

To start off with, maybe you should focus on the reasons why you are eating. Is it stress, is it boredom, what is it? I know for me, I would eat when I was bored, so I took up some hobbies to keep myself busy so i wouldn't think of food. I would eat when I was angry, it was that instant gratification of controlling what i could put in my mouth because i couldn't control my surroundings. Food was so comforting.

Make a list, write down all the the things you want to incorporate into your life. for example,

1. avoid drink with meals

2. walk 20 minutes a day

3. avoid fried foods.

So forth and so on......whatever you know you need to work on.tackle the list ONE small step at a time and over time just build on it. Once you start crossing off the things on your list, you'll see just how much you have accomplished!

It was hard for me in the beginning. Especially eliminating all those carbs and picking up habits that seemed impossible! I tackled it slowly. Each week, I would reward myself with a splurge if I did good for all the 6 days of the week. For me, it was eating out at lunch with coworkers or out for a nice dinner. It's okay to splurge here and there, remember to treat yourself! After some time, I got to a point where I still went out and treated myself to these meals but was well aware of my choices and after time found myself just making better ones! The weight coming off was the better tasting reward!

Sorry this was so long, but maybe something in here will be useful! Just don't give up yet You CAN DO THIS!

I think you should go and see someone to get help with your eating issues. A nutritionist/psychologist that specialises in emotional eating would be a really good idea.

You need to sort this out NOW before you do some damage.

My PCP says that I have a food addiction...perhaps you have the same? He prescribed bupropion for me and I have noticed a big difference.

I started on two tablets and then went up to three. He told me that I could go back down if I wanted to, but I could go back up if needed. I did go back to two and I did notice a difference - obsessing about food!!! I popped back up to three and - POW! - away went those obsessive thoughts.

Pharmaceuticals can be a wonderful thing!!