Why am I so hard on myself??? (long)
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I've been banded for 7 months exactly as of today. I have lost 65-67lbs depending on whether or not my scale likes me at any given moment. :-) The logical part of me knows that my success is good. I'm averaging 2-2.5lbs per week. The problem is that is only an average! Realistically I tend to lose a large amount (7-15lbs) in the few weeks following a fill, then I struggle with the same 3-5lbs gaining and losing them for a few weeks. This time it feels like I have been struggling for a month, which when I look back at my weekly weigh in stats for the challenges I can see that I'm down at least 6lbs from last month, yet I feel like I'm not losing anything. Does that make sense? I feel like I am a failure--again logic tells me I'm not, but emotions are ruling here. Here's some of what is going on in my head:
I did not meet my goal of losing 100lbs in 6months. I know that isn't a realistic goal, but part of me was hoping that it would happen.
At first the weight loss was very noticable and I was doing new things, like jogging and going to the mall and enjoying myself. About a month ago I went shopping and was fitting into 2X tops and 18 pants and I was so excited. A few weeks later I went shopping again expected the same excitement, but instead everything I tried on was too small- still 2x's and 18's. I know that sizes can vary from brand to brand, but again I'm not thinking logically! Instead of trying on larger clothes and buying something for myself I left disappointed and ended up buying my son an entire fall/winter wardrobe! A month ago I felt smaller, healthier, I had more energy, and I was happy. Now, I feel fat, crappy, ugly, depressed, and I just don't want to do anything or go anywhere.
It used to be easy to follow the bandster rules, but lately I just can't seem to get into it. In fact for the past two weeks I have eaten french fries every single day. This is after I haven't had fries in nearly 7 months! To make things worse, I am dipping them in mayonaise. I HATE mayonaise, and have never in my life dipped anything in it. The thought of whipped eggs and oil is just absolutely disgusting to me, but apparantly I like it! And it's not only the fries, I am eating garbage seemingly non-stop.
I'm sure that this french fry diet has something to do with the way I feel. I know that when I eat healthy and exercise I feel good, which is what I was doing until recently. I am just really struggling to get back on track now.
Have I lost my momentum forever? Is this the end of my band success?
I know there isn't probably any advice out there that I don't already know, but sometimes it takes someone else's word to get you moving. Please give me any suggestions that you have on how not to feel like a failure, and how to start back on track with the kind of weight loss I was having.
Thanks for reading. I know that some of this may seem ridiculous, but i just needed to vent. Remember I'm running on emotions right now and not logic.