general_antiope

Alex - I hope I didn't sound all mean, I was just politely disagreeing. And I concur - being my own warden's a little harder, you know? I realize I eat worse when I'm alone. And I live alone, I work in an office by myself at the back of the building, hence the weight's staying around. Fortunately, I'm about to be traveling weekly for the next 6 months so I am looking forward to losing my last 40. Eating with coworkers in a new place where I'm not sure if I'll make it to the bathroom to throw up is a great deterrent. LOL. Vicky - beautifully said!!! Especially the part about counting in the sweets! I do that all the time. If I want the mac and cheese, I know the small is 300 calories and that's all I get. I love not feeling deprived. The plastic surgeon I went to last night - his staff asked how weight loss has been with the band. I said "It's been fun!" and they said "What?" and I replied "God, compared to counting every little calorie and bite and point and carb and still being hungry, I eat to make sure I'm consuming enough to live, and can have that square inch of cake, cheesecake, whatever, and be satisfied...yeah, this is really fun. :)"

Hi Nance! Yep Lisa's right - I mean it's still really touch and go with individual people. I can tolerate almost anything - BUT - given that I eat it slow enough, in small enough pieces, and chew well enough. Sometimes, crunchy toast will get stuck, or lasagna that's not mushy (al dente is too undercooked for me) or things that SHOULD go down will surprise me and get stuck. Usually the reason is I didn't chew well enough. A common side effect of having the band and eating slow is that you tend to run at the mouth a lot - meaning when you're eating with other people, you start talking and blabbing and getting all social :rolleyes2: You are waiting for the food to pass before taking another bite and soon, you've had 2 glorious pea sized bites of the most delicious cheeseburger with bacon (and maybe a millimeter of that delicious bun) and you are now utterly turned off, full, and uninterested. I wish I'd tallied up all the meals I wasted over the past few years. I blew a lot of money just for a little taste of something. They never microwave right. As far as Pasta, I find I can really only tolerate angel hair. Aaaand Stouffer's Mac and cheese. Major gateway food. Mmmm.

Ahh okay. this I can relate to. I divorced after I got the band. It was not the band that made me get divorced, but my husband had a long history of treating me like a cash cow, as a worker, and not as a wife or partner. When I stopped being a passive victim and took my world into my own hands, and got the band, it was a floodgate of more empowering things. I demanded he go to marriage counseling, he did. I did lots of work on myself and wanted to make this marriage work - he didn't. So I left him. The following year, he called me and began a bitchfest about how he helped pay for the band and he... wait I have to quote this "Didn't even get a chance to enjoy the benefits." Then he flat out propositioned me - his ex wife - for sex just because I'd lost weight. (I still think I made a great decision) No...the band doesn't cause you get divorced. The band shines a spotlight on sickly relationships that will either heal or completely degenerate. It's always the way when one person grows, and the other doesn't. A couple who can grow together stays together, imho... As far as attention from the opposite sex, I am still dealing with issues that stem from molestation, sexual attacks, date rape from age 5, age 11 and age 16. Kind of a no-brainer as to why I piled on a fatsuit, eh? When I first lost 80 lbs, this group of construction guys - tawny, bronzed, rippling, sweaty, god help meeee, were honking at me as we drove on the highway and I got {FURIOUS}. Anger was my first reaction - how DARE they invade my space, how dare they look at me, I didn't invite their advances, why is everything SEX???! Yeah, I had issues. I went to therapy. Now, I say thank you and I prance around at the attention. I've dated scumbags, I've dated good guys...but one thing remains the same. Men chase sex. So they're just usually (on the whole) gonna be these horny teenagers no matter what age. It's up my my willpower/moral/values to decide how I want to behave. I've fooled around after my marriage; I didn't like it. So now I don't. It's a learning experience. I know what I want in a man, and I'm damned picky. As my friend's sweet ancient mother puts it: If it's not dead or trying to crawl away, men'll try to put it anywhere :rolleyes2: LOL (my apologies to the genuinely good men out there, I know you're not all like that...)

Hi Cindy! Nice to see another PA person here. Mine didn't take 6 months, as I already had lots of documentation with my doc of trying to lose weight. I think it took about 1 month to get the physical and paper work together, another month to go to info sessions, psych eval...then I met with the surgeon and had a surgery date for 6 weeks later. It depends on your insurance and your doctor...but hang in there, it is TOTALLY worth it :rolleyes2:

lol :rolleyes2: Weight loss has nothing to do with morality or values....does it??

OK seriously, I should be an honorary member of the 3 musketeers club on sheer principle for posting that lovely picture :rolleyes2: Steph, I'm glad you mentioned the fill. My band is letting me eat, I'm annoyed right now. So I made a fill appt for Jun 6. I haven't billed filled tight enough to "only" want coffee and broth...so I wonder if my doc is just being cautious? Or maybe she hit the max capacity of my band and isn't telling me??? lol. The last fill I had, liquids were not terribly difficult for one day, but the second day it was really hard, I did have hunger. It's not been "easy" not to eat for a long time. Maybe I have a little leak?

Frangi, a friend of mine told me she got a lift + augmentation - she is 6'0 tall and simply gorgeous, and she went with a DD size :rolleyes2: She looks superb. She showed me her work 1 year post op (at first a little odd my friend whipped off her shirt, but hey, we're all friends here right?? LOL) and I gotta tell ya, no wonder she's flashing people! The lollipop/anchor scar was smooth with the rest of her skin and faded really nicely after 1 year. I know people are all different in how they scar, but I was really impressed with the work her doc did. I was considering implants but I was blessed with enough tissue to keep my D's. Even if I end up with C's I'm not complaining...I, like Becky, want to keep it simple. Who knows, 10 years from now I might want rockets on my chest! But for now, I'm very happy with the naturals. Then again, I've been told my shape is pretty decent by 2 docs and the anchors will not be extensive as other WL patients, so again, it depends on your body type. (I think implants look gorgeous tho!)

Hi Mindy! I already made the appts with the last two docs, and I want to visit them. They are in Northern Jersey and probably have worked with the ports themselves. PA just doesn't have the depth of experience in Lap Band surgery OR post band plastic surgery that NY does. My surgeon is in NY and I couldn't ask her to come all the way to Philly just for me. However I did just schedule a fill with her on the day of my last PS appointment so I will bring it up with her then. She's the kind of doc who would give my PS instructions on what to do and when. The NJ docs may be more expensive, but they also have to be just as friendly with that instant click as me and Dr. Bottger. All the pieces have to fit...frankly I will pay whatever I have to pay for the emotional assurance and physical evidence of a doctor's skill! So no - I would NOT sacrifice the rapport I have with Dr. B for a cheaper price. He was cheaper than all of the other PSes I've seen, and none of them had Lap Band experience, or his huge range of body types he works on. He even gave me a discount for having it all done at once...nobody else offered one :rolleyes2: I dunno, you just get the impression he cares. I'm kinda hoping these last 2 PSes make the choice easy and I'm not agonizing over two or three REALLY awesome docs, LOL. in other words, I hope they're JERKS. hehe. but not likely. there are rave reviews all over the web on the last two.

Arrrghhh! This is all I can THINK OF! LOL

Well I am excited beyond words. I buckled down and hunted down Plastic Surgeons in PA and Jersey who specialized in post bariatric body contouring. There's a lot of helpful, wonderful docs out there who gave me a referral, who gave me a referral. I met the last PA doc last night and have two NJ guys in the next 2 weeks. I feel really good about thinking one of these three will be it. So far, they all have kickass websites (lol, you know that's ridiculously important to me..but hey...it's what I wanted) and LOVELY work. Lots of pics, lots of body types. The guy I met last night was Dr. David Bottger. I'm totally smitten with his bedside manner. First of all, when he examined me he zeroed in on the one thing I hate the MOST, and why I won't date, which is a chubby mons :confused_smile: He was about to talk about the abdominoplasty and he stopped and said "First of all, I'm going to fix this..." and I started hopping like a mental patient in delight. "Oh God I am so happy you said that!" "All I need to do is just lipo this, and I'll pull it up, merge it with the tuck incision...it'll be nice and flat and small." I said, "Oh my god I'll have to start shaving my legs again" He laughe and said "Yeah, this is pretty common, don't worry about it, I'm going to make you look great. This is..." he was poking at the mons "Doc," I said. "I look like a DEWD!" He sat back and gave a great belly laugh, that's when I started loving him. He was loling, I swear and said "Jeez you're right, you have this little package going on" and we just snickered to each other. For some reason, we just bonded. He also told me a couple things I loved. 1. I have enough breast tissue to keep my D cups 2. I don't need a body lift - he says he really believes around back he can lipo hip and back and get rid of my bra rolls :tt1: 3. He said repeatedly I had a good tone on my butt and thighs. He said sure if I lift it a little it might smooth out even more, but I was very lucky that my weight centers mostly on my belly (ok one plus for being an apple shape) because now I don't need a huge scar. 4. He said my breast lift will also not require a long scar underneath, just a small one. omg. He then showed me like 70 pictures of his work. He showed me girls with similar breasts and his work - OH MY GOD. He does gorgeous breasts! I was so freaking psyched. We then talked about a second stage - arm lift and thigh lift. I asked him if he would do an arm lift at the same time and he said no way. "Those doctors on extreme makeover do way too much at once. I cold do it all, but you're already at 7 hours of surgery. I can hurry through your breast lift and tummy tuck, but I prefer to concentrate and do it right." PERFECT ANSWER. He was just - awesome. Friendly. That was the click I was looking for. And, his website rocks my socks. He said "Yeah I put a lot of pictures up so my patients can see all kinds of body types...they're looking for their own, anyway." DING DING DING His staff told me that he's famous for his bedside manner, he calls patients personally post op, and he has a 1 year free revision (his costs, tho hospital and anesthesia are still charged) if I am unhappy. The only way Dr. Bottger would be perfect is if he worked on ports. He says he had worked on some of Dr. Ren's lap band patients, and is familiar with the port...he said mine is very, very lateral and may not interfere with the sewing of the muscles. But if something did go awry, he does not replace ports. He says that's Dr. Ren's specialty, his is body contouring. I kind of respected that - he knows what he is good at. He said if I chose to go with him, he'd call Dr. Ren and get specifics on my band placement and make sure she was aware in case I needed a port replacement/lower profile etc. So the only way these Jersey docs could top Dr. B for me is if they were cheaper and had lots of evidence of port replacement/experience. Thank you guys sooooo much :tt1: I was really despairing. I wasn't sure I wanted to see Dr. Bottger and almost canceled. I'm so glad I went.

I disagree with the statements that "It's sooo hard" It's really NOT hard. It's not hard the way you know weight loss to be before the band. It's different. The fact that your hunger is controlling everything pre-band is a million times harder. I still make poor choices now, but then I make brilliant choices. For longer periods of time. That's the beauty of the band - it's easier to get and stay on a regimen than it is without it...but like you, I could not fathom a life without the constant hunger. I didn't believe my Band Buddy about the magic fill til I got one :confused_smile: But, you do have to come to terms with the fact that you must be active in trying and participating in your own weight loss or it just won't work.

I have a physical next week and I'll bring it up again. I've mentioned it before, and my doc, a sweet lady, kind of treats me like a hypochondriac, which I'm not. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I read everything I can get my hands on and I watch a lot of mystery diagnosis. I never want things to progress because someone was sleeping on the job. I've asked them twice to check my thryroid levels. They appear fine. I was satisfied with that until I found two more pieces of information: 1. The US is notorious for undertreating sluggish thyroids; in Europe, if there's even a tiny fluctuation they treat it 2. According to the doctor who researches and creates the blood type diet, my blood type (A+..also his) is prone to showing normal hormone levels when there IS in fact a problem with endocrine function. I may email him and ask. I'm not going to get hysterical or rabid about it, but there HAS to be an answer. I just don't think the legs look normal, you know? The skin color especially. I'll keep pecking away at that, my weight, and exercising my legs and see what happens. I can buy this - and will buy it! My sister and I have these larger lower legs. The thighs are normal and even thin, but she is not overweight and has the same big ankles :tt1: Dammit!! My mother and aunts all have these teensy little feminine calves. /pout Welp, when I do wear knee high hosiery that's tight, I do feel relief. There's loose skin on my thighs so it looks like it's killing my circulation, lol, but it's not. Definitely has to be some of this extra weight. I'm glad you mentioned a foot doc. I have been thinking about going to one just to get my feets check out...maybe he can give me some insight. Thanks Marisa! I retain water like whoa. I'm also ridiculously and constantly constipated. Hm. Wonder if it's all related. I'll start adding some flaxseed powder to applesauce and do some Activia for a few weeks and see if that helps. Thanks ladies :tt1:

OK I was not helpful yesterday with my sarcasm. What I wish for the world of overweight/food addicted people is to stop treating food like this little kid reward system. It's sick! It's something we've been taught (and believe me I am still guilty of it) and it is a huge mental reason why we have problems with food. I think once I conquered this fear relationship with food, I became "HAPPY" even at 193 lbs. I at least understand it, even if I still struggle with it. I am slowly losing, but healthier with my relationship. You are not a "bad" person if you eat something not on your band diet. You are not a "bad" person if you cheat on your liquid diet. I am more interested in seeing you continue to pick yourself up every day and maybe not eat EVERYTHING you want, maybe do the pre-op for one meal - but to ask permission to blow off the pre op diet is really indicative of your underlying dysfunctional relationship wth food. Which every single one of us here has, so there is absolutely no call for anyone to judge, reprimand, demean or otherwise make you feel bad about yourself. True, I had a pre op diet. True, I lasted 7 days on liquids and ate my face off before the surgery. True, I still was banded. True, my friend Lexy had no pre op diet. The question is not whether you can eat what you want, or why some docs require it and not others, but ask yourself why it's so hard for you to accept a liquid pre-op? Start just asking yourself why controlling your food is so hard. That's the bigger journey. Let go of this fearful "I should/I shouldn't" and the resulting criticism from other banders. We ALL have food issues, it's like asking another crazy person in the ward with you if they think you're nuts :confused_smile: We're here, aren't we??? Once you are banded, and you will be, when your fill is perfect, your life will change. You will notice how radically different, and silent, all those food demons in your head will be. I cried when I first noticed the magic fill. Everyone in my head just shut up. The silence was beautiful. I didn't NEED cheesesteaks, I wasn't STARRRVING for anything. I was clearheaded for the first time in my entire life. When I ate those foods by conscious choice, it didn't always taste perfect and wonderful. Sometimes, it was a disappointment and not worth the calories. Yes, even of my favorite cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory :tt1: Once food wasn't constanly perfect, I was able to get picky...do I want to eat the pizza and feel the uncomfortable passing through the band? Bleh...no pain for me today thx. I would actually made GOOD CHOICES! omg. Me, fat Kate, choosing a salad over chicken parm?? I feel normal when I cn do that. It's not all the time, but it happens more often than not. That's how the band heals. You are clearheaded and can make sane choices if you are willing to slow down and just listen to your body. There is a bigger reason you're being asked to do it. I ask you guys to look a little bit deeper. Clearly with the amount of reaction it evokes in us to be fed and nourished (but NOT by what we *want* to eat) is the real root of food problems, and why we're all so fat we are putting our freaking lives in danger. Do me a favor. Just never stop trying to understand and master the "Why" of your weight. There is an answer, but it will take time.

oh god. I encourage everyone to cheat all they want, pre and post. Then tell me how successful you were!

The first time I got something stuck, I thought I was having a breathing problem, and lemme tell ya, I would not tolerate that kind of problem one minute longer than I had to! I have serious issues with suffocation. have they checked you for asthma? Are you coughing?

The euphoria...LOL I never thought of it that way but you are totally right. The praying, the I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN...and the floating. Yep that's about it. Welcome!

Hey RAS - two things come to mind. One, if you're only at 600 - 900, you could be heading into a teensy bit of a starvation mode, your body's trying to keep things balanced. Two, after a big drop like that, your body again is trying to balance. It has to learn how to do everything it was used to doing on less fuel...I consider my fat burning like a prissy little tax man who lives in my metabolism. he'll take from savings only when I startle him. He's damned good at catching on to my low calories, so I'll eat more 1500 calorie a day meals for a little while until he's mellowed out, then I'll slash again. It's the same principle as getting monthly fills. You're chugging along and then you get a fill, are on liquids/mushy for a couple of days. Your body reacts immediately and dumps excess weight by ripping through your fat stores, but it can adjust pretty fast. Just make sure you're getting enough Protein and nutrients, please? And be patient. It's only been 8 days. Are you exercising??

Hi brown bear - I'm not doing any walking because I had back surgery 8 years ago, degenerative disc - very unstable lower spine. When I do walk for like 1/2 hour, I wake up with an aching back and sciatica. My exercise is Yoga, Fluidity, and the elliptical for cardio. Which I haven't done in ages, maybe I should start that back up. Thanks for the suggestion, I think I'll add in 30 mins of cardio a couple times of week and see if that helps

Wow...just wow. You guys have given me a lot of really great things to think about. It's calming that wild desire to go insult and offend him heh. Seriously guys, thank you. Manatee - a man's perspective was sorely needed. You got my brother down to a T. He's "Mr. Responsible" and everything's fine, and he can handle it all, and nothing's wrong. And he really does. you guys are awesome :eek:

oh that is good! I like that a lot. I definitely get the feeling he doesn't think it's as big a problem as everyone else does. That's a great way to ease into it. Of course I think the band would work - it'd work for anyone. But he's too far in denial right now for the band - or anything - to help him. I was the same way. Nobody would have the "come to Jesus" with me. The "I think you are pretty close to death". My comorbidities were pretty much my bum spine (which was genetic anyway) and reflux. Mild stuff. Not "scary" stuff. I hated pictures because I saw a beautiful girl in the mirror but never saw it on the camera - the cameras always lied. It was easy to believe I was prettier than everyone else thought. Reverse self-loathing?? The "come to Jesus" with me was when my ex was ready to FINALLY have kids - and blammo. My period stopped because I was 300 lbs. I went to doctor after doctor, was weight related. I wanted kids so damn bad you just don't know. I dreamed about my son Sean and my son Mason and my daughter Lily Daphne (or Grace...I was torn) who never were even conceived. Finally it was up to me to lose weight so we could have them. And I couldn't do it. I finally had to accept that I couldn't lose the weight on my own, for something I wanted more than anything. Dammit. I will not write the letter. This is TORTURE sitting by and waiting for him to come to that rock bottom place before he makes any decisions. /sigh I'm glad I asked.

What I was planning to write had nothing to do with the band, but expressing my love for him and my concern at the state of his health. food is an addiction, wouldn't you tell a destructive alcoholic that things were getting out of control?

No, he never told me he was worried. My mom did. She and I had long discussions about it. That's just not his way. I'm pretty sensitive to not harping on people. He will volunteer info like how he's been going to the gym, trying to eat right. I'll praise him and encourage him. I asked him once about if he thought the band would be good for him - a few years ago - and he immediately said no, he could do it. I've never told him seriously how concerned I am. I've always been the clown, the Jerry, and he was Dean. He's the straight man. I like making him laugh. Don't think he's used to me being serious. I hear what you're saying and I appreciate the feedback. I'll wait and sit on this for a couple of weeks and see if I can let it go. I'm really fighting this urge to write the letter. It would make ME feel better, but might make him feel worse. So why do I still want to write it?? Auughh.

My brother was supportive when I was heavy. Once or twice he would say he had a dream of me uber thin, singing "The Greatest Love of All" in a white evening gown - it still makes me misty to think about it. It was so symbolic, and now I'm almost there. I love singing btw He is not an expressive person - I mean he shows love and affection but not anger, frustration, annoyance, sadness, disappointment. He's the rock. My family's a bunch of writers, so the letter thing might still be a good idea...just to have something for him to look back to when he's ready. Also...he will not get into emotional discussions with me...he clams up. He is in therapy (which amazes me) but he is just not one of those "I feel this way" people. He believes strength is in calm tolerance...but he's just blind to his weight issue.

www.obesitylaw.com I had a similar issue with BCBS. They flat out approved me for surgery, they knew I was going out of state. They said they would pay 70% of the approved cost of surgery. I said what is the approved cost of surgery, she fought me giving me a number, but I wouldn't let go...she said usually $10,000, so we'd pay $7,000 and you'd pay the balance. After surgery, I found out I had a hiatal hernia repair (add 4,500) that was denied repeatedly by BCBS because it was not "preapproved" - and my doc said she didn't even know I had one - *I* never knew I had one - until she opened me up. One stitch: $4500. God I'm in the wrong line of business. Anyway, to add further insult to injury, BCBS claimed that the "approved" cost for Lap Band surgery was $1400. ?!?!?!?!?!?!!? They sent me a check for $1k and waved. I harassed the hell out of them, resubmitted 5 times, the doc's office was outraged, they had called BCBS and were told I was approved for surgery at their out of network facility, same thing...never changed. They had to send my account to collections. I was horrified. Obesity Law said unless I could get a tape recording of the conversation it was a hard long process. It was worth it for me in the end, mostly self pay, but $40,000 is a lot to swallow. I would definitely, DEFINITELY, get a lawyer who specializes in this. Incidentally, Dr. Ren (my doctor) operated on Muhammad Ali's daughter, they wrote a book about her weight loss. Dr. Ren told me she had BCBS of Philadelphia (where I'm from) and the girl had to write an 80 page letter the BCBS to get them to approve her surgery. Yet they denied mine. It's complete bullcrap. Fight!

The Protein shake may be too thick. I'm the queen of belching, burping, and drain-like "gurgling". I told my doc about it and she said I'm just tight. I'm living with it until I lose this last 40 - then I'm loosening!! I had to tell my whole damn yoga class this week that I may be a noisy Dead Pose person...lying flat makes me gurgle like a drain. Very embarrassing but I refuse to be embarrassed by it. I say excuse me and try to burp into my mouth. It'll end soon