IsabellaP84

It sounded like you were talking my story...I am in the same position... I was originally 215lbs when I started, I got down to 135lbs in the first 11 months, its been a year now since I've been banded but I gained some weight back Im now 149lbs, and Im scared Ill keep gaining if I dont turn things around. I PB daily b/c I want to eat or I feel deprived or something. So I turn to ice cream and chocolate bc I know it will stay down and make me feel "good" or "full" but Im like addicted to it. I exercise ALOT have a trainer plus run 4 miles nearly everyday. I really wanna do better but its been a real struggle...maybe im to tight, but im scared that ill gain more weight if she unfills me a bit. Its like im outta control all of sudden. i dont know what to do...i know im harming my body from all the PBing... and I dont like to do it but it just feels like a heavy weight on my chest and needs to come up... mucus, food, liquids...god its miserable, part of me wants to be "normal" again...part of me wants to go out to dinner with my friends and family and enjoy everything theyre having... yet its miserable being fat. This will always be a lifetime battle. I hope you figure it out, when u do tell me please...im in the same boat as you girlie... good luck keep me posted.

so on april 13th 2010 will my a year since I've been banded. Today I went for my annual esophagram... the band is nicely in place, however my esophagus is irritated with ulcers due to my habit of regurgitation.. :-( my surgeon prescribed me meds and she said it will clear up if Im consistent with the meds for one month. Plus I gained 1 pound since last visit a month ago. This was not a good appointment, I happy for the meds because I feel pain in my throat. and she said that I will def feel better. I feel like Im letting myself down on this journey...I wanna take control again. I feel part of my problems are b/c I feel I can eat like a normal person again (which I never ate normal, I always OVER ATE) I feel that I can binge eat on the things I love, knowing very well they aren't going to stay down! this is so upsetting. Today, Im starting a new path to getting back on track the only reason I only gained 1 pound is because I workout like a maniac! I got back in one month, I wanna show her that I can control myself. She wouldn't tighten the band today either, which made me annoyed.... I needed her to so that I could lose more weight, but since I had this problem she wouldn't, which is completely understandable. oh well...Im gonna write back in one month... thanks for reading

so on april 13th 2010 will my a year since I've been banded. Today I went for my annual esophagram... the band is nicely in place, however my esophagus is irritated with ulcers due to my habit of regurgitation.. :-( my surgeon prescribed me meds and she said it will clear up if Im consistent with the meds for one month. Plus I gained 1 pound since last visit a month ago. This was not a good appointment, I happy for the meds because I feel pain in my throat. and she said that I will def feel better. I feel like Im letting myself down on this journey...I wanna take control again. I feel part of my problems are b/c I feel I can eat like a normal person again (which I never ate normal, I always OVER ATE) I feel that I can binge eat on the things I love, knowing very well they aren't going to stay down! this is so upsetting. Today, Im starting a new path to getting back on track the only reason I only gained 1 pound is because I workout like a maniac! I got back in one month, I wanna show her that I can control myself. She wouldn't tighten the band today either, which made me annoyed.... I needed her to so that I could lose more weight, but since I had this problem she wouldn't, which is completely understandable. oh well...Im gonna write back in one month... thanks for reading

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u eat before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u eat before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?

so the day started off tight to begin with... while I was driving this morning to work I was sipping on flavored propel water...when suddenly I felt that stuck feeling...yes on liquid! this lasted about 15 mins...painful and very uncomfortable. I could not understand why I was feeling that...when I got into work I realized it was because I was stuck from the night before. I ate stupid dole pineapple chunks... and def. had one of those chunks in my throat all night needless to say, it showed up the next morning... that was horrible. So.. thinking that I would be all better, I went to grab a cup of coffee from across the street deli from work, while I was there I thought Hey! that chocolate covered biscotti looks awesome! Let me have one! Bad idea, managed to throw that up shortly after eating it...then I decided eating today was a bad thing, so I waited a few hours, and then while my students were eating their lunch I got jealous and ate a couple bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich...yum it went down fine, and I ate it happy that I could finally eat something again... well, an hour later, I was then driving home from work and trying my best to avoid pulling over and puke my guts out on the street... it was absolutely horrible and scary. I had to pull over and vomit, it was enough to the point I felt dizzy... gezz I really hate when that happens. I guess Im feeling slightly deprived of food these days...I almost feel like I need to devour everything in front of me, but I know I can't. Now I've been drink liquids all nite, trying to calm my stomach and let any swelling go down best I can... right now sometimes the liquids wont go down right. *Quick question the more you lose weight, does the tighter your band feel? Im now down to 138lbs...nearly a size 6 jeans!

so the day started off tight to begin with... while I was driving this morning to work I was sipping on flavored propel water...when suddenly I felt that stuck feeling...yes on liquid! this lasted about 15 mins...painful and very uncomfortable. I could not understand why I was feeling that...when I got into work I realized it was because I was stuck from the night before. I ate stupid dole pineapple chunks... and def. had one of those chunks in my throat all night needless to say, it showed up the next morning... that was horrible. So.. thinking that I would be all better, I went to grab a cup of coffee from across the street deli from work, while I was there I thought Hey! that chocolate covered biscotti looks awesome! Let me have one! Bad idea, managed to throw that up shortly after eating it...then I decided eating today was a bad thing, so I waited a few hours, and then while my students were eating their lunch I got jealous and ate a couple bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich...yum it went down fine, and I ate it happy that I could finally eat something again... well, an hour later, I was then driving home from work and trying my best to avoid pulling over and puke my guts out on the street... it was absolutely horrible and scary. I had to pull over and vomit, it was enough to the point I felt dizzy... gezz I really hate when that happens. I guess Im feeling slightly deprived of food these days...I almost feel like I need to devour everything in front of me, but I know I can't. Now I've been drink liquids all nite, trying to calm my stomach and let any swelling go down best I can... right now sometimes the liquids wont go down right. *Quick question the more you lose weight, does the tighter your band feel? Im now down to 138lbs...nearly a size 6 jeans!

sort of understand what you are going through...I lost 71 pounds in the last 10 months... yet I still feel fat, Im a size 8 pants and still feel huge! Im wondering when it will all sink in! Will it sink in when Im smaller? when I lose 100 pounds? when Im a size 0? will I know when enough is enough? so many questions... however 43 pounds is a lot in a short amount of time... and you aren't working out? Maybe u should try it... b/c I know when I workout its an extreme outlet of stress, anxiety and "head hunger" it really works for me... we are the same age, so maybe we're similar in our thinking. when and where were u banded?

ahhhhh wow thats a lot of snow! NYC here we're supposed to be getting at least 1-3 inches.

Thank you so much for the advice guys... it is greatly appreciated. This is a long and hard journey... but we can and will overcome all obstacles. BG- I will have to figure out the underlying reasons why I want to food. That may suppress some of the triggers. ymjackson1- congrats on the 42lbs!

many thoughts... so far lost 71 pounds in 10 months. I think its awesome and I definitely could not have done it without the band. I never thought I could be a pant size 8... it's amazing. However I have some doubts and worries... 1. People at work are always looking at me... I know it sounds paranoid, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. 2. I get tons of attention both negative and positive. 3. Im worried b/c I haven't told people about the band... and I don't want them to know but at the same time I almost feel like Im being dishonest. 4. Without the band I can't control myself around food. but with the band I find myself wanting to eat even when Im not hungry, or when I know Im at the brink of vomiting... Ill still try to eat more and then end up vomiting. Its absolute insanity. 5. I want to be at goal weight in a year...I have two more months and Im hoping I don't set myself up to fail. 6. despite what everyone tells me....I still see myself as a fat person... trying to cope with that. 7. New love interest... do I tell him that I am banded? 8. Still battling a war with food even with the band. HEAD HUNGER KILLS! 9. I get anxious going out to eat or around people with food and even having to eat in front of people... 10. Scared to gain weight back... and I am forever ffffreeeeezing! 11. LOVE SHOPPING! lol any thoughts guys! thanks

many thoughts... so far lost 71 pounds in 10 months. I think its awesome and I definitely could not have done it without the band. I never thought I could be a pant size 8... it's amazing. However I have some doubts and worries... 1. People at work are always looking at me... I know it sounds paranoid, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. 2. I get tons of attention both negative and positive. 3. Im worried b/c I haven't told people about the band... and I don't want them to know but at the same time I almost feel like Im being dishonest. 4. Without the band I can't control myself around food. but with the band I find myself wanting to eat even when Im not hungry, or when I know Im at the brink of vomiting... Ill still try to eat more and then end up vomiting. Its absolute insanity. 5. I want to be at goal weight in a year...I have two more months and Im hoping I don't set myself up to fail. 6. despite what everyone tells me....I still see myself as a fat person... trying to cope with that. 7. New love interest... do I tell him that I am banded? 8. Still battling a war with food even with the band. HEAD HUNGER KILLS! 9. I get anxious going out to eat or around people with food and even having to eat in front of people... 10. Scared to gain weight back... and I am forever ffffreeeeezing! 11. LOVE SHOPPING! lol any thoughts guys! thanks