IsabellaP84

It sounded like you were talking my story...I am in the same position... I was originally 215lbs when I started, I got down to 135lbs in the first 11 months, its been a year now since I've been banded but I gained some weight back Im now 149lbs, and Im scared Ill keep gaining if I dont turn things around. I PB daily b/c I want to eat or I feel deprived or something. So I turn to ice cream and chocolate bc I know it will stay down and make me feel "good" or "full" but Im like addicted to it. I exercise ALOT have a trainer plus run 4 miles nearly everyday. I really wanna do better but its been a real struggle...maybe im to tight, but im scared that ill gain more weight if she unfills me a bit. Its like im outta control all of sudden. i dont know what to do...i know im harming my body from all the PBing... and I dont like to do it but it just feels like a heavy weight on my chest and needs to come up... mucus, food, liquids...god its miserable, part of me wants to be "normal" again...part of me wants to go out to dinner with my friends and family and enjoy everything theyre having... yet its miserable being fat. This will always be a lifetime battle. I hope you figure it out, when u do tell me please...im in the same boat as you girlie... good luck keep me posted.

so on april 13th 2010 will my a year since I've been banded. Today I went for my annual esophagram... the band is nicely in place, however my esophagus is irritated with ulcers due to my habit of regurgitation.. :-( my surgeon prescribed me meds and she said it will clear up if Im consistent with the meds for one month. Plus I gained 1 pound since last visit a month ago. This was not a good appointment, I happy for the meds because I feel pain in my throat. and she said that I will def feel better. I feel like Im letting myself down on this journey...I wanna take control again. I feel part of my problems are b/c I feel I can eat like a normal person again (which I never ate normal, I always OVER ATE) I feel that I can binge eat on the things I love, knowing very well they aren't going to stay down! this is so upsetting. Today, Im starting a new path to getting back on track the only reason I only gained 1 pound is because I workout like a maniac! I got back in one month, I wanna show her that I can control myself. She wouldn't tighten the band today either, which made me annoyed.... I needed her to so that I could lose more weight, but since I had this problem she wouldn't, which is completely understandable. oh well...Im gonna write back in one month... thanks for reading

so on april 13th 2010 will my a year since I've been banded. Today I went for my annual esophagram... the band is nicely in place, however my esophagus is irritated with ulcers due to my habit of regurgitation.. :-( my surgeon prescribed me meds and she said it will clear up if Im consistent with the meds for one month. Plus I gained 1 pound since last visit a month ago. This was not a good appointment, I happy for the meds because I feel pain in my throat. and she said that I will def feel better. I feel like Im letting myself down on this journey...I wanna take control again. I feel part of my problems are b/c I feel I can eat like a normal person again (which I never ate normal, I always OVER ATE) I feel that I can binge eat on the things I love, knowing very well they aren't going to stay down! this is so upsetting. Today, Im starting a new path to getting back on track the only reason I only gained 1 pound is because I workout like a maniac! I got back in one month, I wanna show her that I can control myself. She wouldn't tighten the band today either, which made me annoyed.... I needed her to so that I could lose more weight, but since I had this problem she wouldn't, which is completely understandable. oh well...Im gonna write back in one month... thanks for reading

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u eat before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u eat before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?

so the day started off tight to begin with... while I was driving this morning to work I was sipping on flavored propel water...when suddenly I felt that stuck feeling...yes on liquid! this lasted about 15 mins...painful and very uncomfortable. I could not understand why I was feeling that...when I got into work I realized it was because I was stuck from the night before. I ate stupid dole pineapple chunks... and def. had one of those chunks in my throat all night needless to say, it showed up the next morning... that was horrible. So.. thinking that I would be all better, I went to grab a cup of coffee from across the street deli from work, while I was there I thought Hey! that chocolate covered biscotti looks awesome! Let me have one! Bad idea, managed to throw that up shortly after eating it...then I decided eating today was a bad thing, so I waited a few hours, and then while my students were eating their lunch I got jealous and ate a couple bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich...yum it went down fine, and I ate it happy that I could finally eat something again... well, an hour later, I was then driving home from work and trying my best to avoid pulling over and puke my guts out on the street... it was absolutely horrible and scary. I had to pull over and vomit, it was enough to the point I felt dizzy... gezz I really hate when that happens. I guess Im feeling slightly deprived of food these days...I almost feel like I need to devour everything in front of me, but I know I can't. Now I've been drink liquids all nite, trying to calm my stomach and let any swelling go down best I can... right now sometimes the liquids wont go down right. *Quick question the more you lose weight, does the tighter your band feel? Im now down to 138lbs...nearly a size 6 jeans!

so the day started off tight to begin with... while I was driving this morning to work I was sipping on flavored propel water...when suddenly I felt that stuck feeling...yes on liquid! this lasted about 15 mins...painful and very uncomfortable. I could not understand why I was feeling that...when I got into work I realized it was because I was stuck from the night before. I ate stupid dole pineapple chunks... and def. had one of those chunks in my throat all night needless to say, it showed up the next morning... that was horrible. So.. thinking that I would be all better, I went to grab a cup of coffee from across the street deli from work, while I was there I thought Hey! that chocolate covered biscotti looks awesome! Let me have one! Bad idea, managed to throw that up shortly after eating it...then I decided eating today was a bad thing, so I waited a few hours, and then while my students were eating their lunch I got jealous and ate a couple bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich...yum it went down fine, and I ate it happy that I could finally eat something again... well, an hour later, I was then driving home from work and trying my best to avoid pulling over and puke my guts out on the street... it was absolutely horrible and scary. I had to pull over and vomit, it was enough to the point I felt dizzy... gezz I really hate when that happens. I guess Im feeling slightly deprived of food these days...I almost feel like I need to devour everything in front of me, but I know I can't. Now I've been drink liquids all nite, trying to calm my stomach and let any swelling go down best I can... right now sometimes the liquids wont go down right. *Quick question the more you lose weight, does the tighter your band feel? Im now down to 138lbs...nearly a size 6 jeans!

sort of understand what you are going through...I lost 71 pounds in the last 10 months... yet I still feel fat, Im a size 8 pants and still feel huge! Im wondering when it will all sink in! Will it sink in when Im smaller? when I lose 100 pounds? when Im a size 0? will I know when enough is enough? so many questions... however 43 pounds is a lot in a short amount of time... and you aren't working out? Maybe u should try it... b/c I know when I workout its an extreme outlet of stress, anxiety and "head hunger" it really works for me... we are the same age, so maybe we're similar in our thinking. when and where were u banded?

ahhhhh wow thats a lot of snow! NYC here we're supposed to be getting at least 1-3 inches.

Thank you so much for the advice guys... it is greatly appreciated. This is a long and hard journey... but we can and will overcome all obstacles. BG- I will have to figure out the underlying reasons why I want to food. That may suppress some of the triggers. ymjackson1- congrats on the 42lbs!

many thoughts... so far lost 71 pounds in 10 months. I think its awesome and I definitely could not have done it without the band. I never thought I could be a pant size 8... it's amazing. However I have some doubts and worries... 1. People at work are always looking at me... I know it sounds paranoid, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. 2. I get tons of attention both negative and positive. 3. Im worried b/c I haven't told people about the band... and I don't want them to know but at the same time I almost feel like Im being dishonest. 4. Without the band I can't control myself around food. but with the band I find myself wanting to eat even when Im not hungry, or when I know Im at the brink of vomiting... Ill still try to eat more and then end up vomiting. Its absolute insanity. 5. I want to be at goal weight in a year...I have two more months and Im hoping I don't set myself up to fail. 6. despite what everyone tells me....I still see myself as a fat person... trying to cope with that. 7. New love interest... do I tell him that I am banded? 8. Still battling a war with food even with the band. HEAD HUNGER KILLS! 9. I get anxious going out to eat or around people with food and even having to eat in front of people... 10. Scared to gain weight back... and I am forever ffffreeeeezing! 11. LOVE SHOPPING! lol any thoughts guys! thanks

many thoughts... so far lost 71 pounds in 10 months. I think its awesome and I definitely could not have done it without the band. I never thought I could be a pant size 8... it's amazing. However I have some doubts and worries... 1. People at work are always looking at me... I know it sounds paranoid, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. 2. I get tons of attention both negative and positive. 3. Im worried b/c I haven't told people about the band... and I don't want them to know but at the same time I almost feel like Im being dishonest. 4. Without the band I can't control myself around food. but with the band I find myself wanting to eat even when Im not hungry, or when I know Im at the brink of vomiting... Ill still try to eat more and then end up vomiting. Its absolute insanity. 5. I want to be at goal weight in a year...I have two more months and Im hoping I don't set myself up to fail. 6. despite what everyone tells me....I still see myself as a fat person... trying to cope with that. 7. New love interest... do I tell him that I am banded? 8. Still battling a war with food even with the band. HEAD HUNGER KILLS! 9. I get anxious going out to eat or around people with food and even having to eat in front of people... 10. Scared to gain weight back... and I am forever ffffreeeeezing! 11. LOVE SHOPPING! lol any thoughts guys! thanks

So just got home from the doc's office. Last month when I went I had lost 18lbs! That was insane and I knew I was too tight. So she loosened up the band, I plateaued for a little while after that and this visit today, I only lost 2 pounds... I guess it's normal considering I lost so much the last time. Anyway Im still happy and celebrating because I did not gain any weight back and even still managed to lose some. Today she tightened it a small tad because I was still feeling hungry at times. But the real excitement is...I went to the mall and fit into a SIZE 8 JEANS! I cannot believe it! I don't remember being in the 1 digits before. I'm happy, and I love this decision. I have five months to go before reaching my goal weight. I hope I can do it, hittin the gym later, taking my multi vitamins, and getting in my protein. Liquids for 2 days and then onto mushies. I wonder what it's like to not obsess about food, weight and appearance? I wonder if that feeling will ever go away? Let me know guys... happy holidays!

So just got home from the doc's office. Last month when I went I had lost 18lbs! That was insane and I knew I was too tight. So she loosened up the band, I plateaued for a little while after that and this visit today, I only lost 2 pounds... I guess it's normal considering I lost so much the last time. Anyway Im still happy and celebrating because I did not gain any weight back and even still managed to lose some. Today she tightened it a small tad because I was still feeling hungry at times. But the real excitement is...I went to the mall and fit into a SIZE 8 JEANS! I cannot believe it! I don't remember being in the 1 digits before. I'm happy, and I love this decision. I have five months to go before reaching my goal weight. I hope I can do it, hittin the gym later, taking my multi vitamins, and getting in my protein. Liquids for 2 days and then onto mushies. I wonder what it's like to not obsess about food, weight and appearance? I wonder if that feeling will ever go away? Let me know guys... happy holidays!

I can't believe it's Nov 1st already... the year is flying by. It has been 7 months since I've had my lapband in and it's amazing to have lost this much weight (58lbs so far). I never thought it was possible for me to be thin and now Im starting to believe. Its all starting to sink in a little more now. It's also been a year and 3 months since my brother died in a tragic motorcycle accident. I never thought I would be able to write that down anywhere... so many things have changed since then. I wonder what he would have thought about my weight loss? I wonder if he would have approved of the surgery? Im sure he'd be happy that my ex-boyfriend left me when he heard I wanted to have surgery. He wasn't supportive of it at all...I guess thats part of the reason I keep the surgery a secret. However, I start to feel like Im lying to people... but they do not need to know every detail of my life. Still struggling with that aspect. I am also struggling with being social with people because eating is such a social part of life. Everything we do is surrounded by food in some way. Its HARD! I don't regret this lapband procedure at all Im truly happy with it, and no one said it would be easy. I joined a new gym today! Im so excited to start working out again. I stopped when work started up, but now Im determined to find the time. I really can't wait! I'll be happy if I can make it there 3-4 times a week. Im trying to prepare my mind set for thanksgiving since I know I will be spending it alone, and I don't mind! lol It's better for me to stay away good tasting and smelling food. It just tempts me! It was bad enough I bought 20 bucks worth of halloween candy and only got 4 trick or treaters! now Im stuck with candy...Im gonna bring it to work. Make them fat! lol k Im gonna get going to watch the Yankee tonight! xoxo

I can't believe it's Nov 1st already... the year is flying by. It has been 7 months since I've had my lapband in and it's amazing to have lost this much weight (58lbs so far). I never thought it was possible for me to be thin and now Im starting to believe. Its all starting to sink in a little more now. It's also been a year and 3 months since my brother died in a tragic motorcycle accident. I never thought I would be able to write that down anywhere... so many things have changed since then. I wonder what he would have thought about my weight loss? I wonder if he would have approved of the surgery? Im sure he'd be happy that my ex-boyfriend left me when he heard I wanted to have surgery. He wasn't supportive of it at all...I guess thats part of the reason I keep the surgery a secret. However, I start to feel like Im lying to people... but they do not need to know every detail of my life. Still struggling with that aspect. I am also struggling with being social with people because eating is such a social part of life. Everything we do is surrounded by food in some way. Its HARD! I don't regret this lapband procedure at all Im truly happy with it, and no one said it would be easy. I joined a new gym today! Im so excited to start working out again. I stopped when work started up, but now Im determined to find the time. I really can't wait! I'll be happy if I can make it there 3-4 times a week. Im trying to prepare my mind set for thanksgiving since I know I will be spending it alone, and I don't mind! lol It's better for me to stay away good tasting and smelling food. It just tempts me! It was bad enough I bought 20 bucks worth of halloween candy and only got 4 trick or treaters! now Im stuck with candy...Im gonna bring it to work. Make them fat! lol k Im gonna get going to watch the Yankee tonight! xoxo

ahhhh! Halloween candy is going to be the death of me!!! haha GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

ahhhh! Halloween candy is going to be the death of me!!! haha GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

BEAUTIFUL! in both pics!

So the first week of work went better than I expected. I got a great schedule of classes, my students ::keeping fingers crossed:: are a nice bunch of kids. And I've never heard so many compliments in all my life! At the end of each day I felt like a super model lol. Of course it wears off , until the next day when it happened again! haha it was a VERY fun week b/c I was finally feeling like something made a difference. This whole band experience has really changed my life...I didn't believe at first but Im starting to see it for what its worth. Mainly because of the boost of confidence I got from work. I guess I like being center of attention :thumbdown: Still have a long way to go but it"ll be even more worth it. Being back at work and going to school part time, this week I've been able to get most of my protein in. I haven't had time to snack on junk food either. Now I need to find time to workout at the gym... once I get the hang of it Im gonna start going three times a week. K guys Im gonna go get a mani/pedi MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!!

So the first week of work went better than I expected. I got a great schedule of classes, my students ::keeping fingers crossed:: are a nice bunch of kids. And I've never heard so many compliments in all my life! At the end of each day I felt like a super model lol. Of course it wears off , until the next day when it happened again! haha it was a VERY fun week b/c I was finally feeling like something made a difference. This whole band experience has really changed my life...I didn't believe at first but Im starting to see it for what its worth. Mainly because of the boost of confidence I got from work. I guess I like being center of attention :thumbup: Still have a long way to go but it"ll be even more worth it. Being back at work and going to school part time, this week I've been able to get most of my protein in. I haven't had time to snack on junk food either. Now I need to find time to workout at the gym... once I get the hang of it Im gonna start going three times a week. K guys Im gonna go get a mani/pedi MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!!

Being off all summer and taking tons of mini vacay's and a couple huge vacations was tough on the DIET! Getting back to the grind might be just the thing I need to get back to losing! Last weekend to enjoy life and then it's back to lesson plans, grading, papers and exams again, school and work! ahhhh I work full-time as a teacher (5 days a week), and part-time grad school (4 days a week)... I might not have time to hit the gym as much as I want, but I do feel that the more I do, the more I get done, so who knows I might be able to get to the gym on the weekends, at least I hope so. I find myself not really hungry... just a lot of head hunger... is there a band I can attach to my head?!? I feel I need to eat even if Im not hungry and sometimes even if I just ate something that wasn't satisfying. Trying to stick to proteins first, but carbs taste so much better lol, but Im pretty good about staying away from them. They get stuck a lot of the time. I think crackers are my worst addiction at the moment, they taste good... and feel good meaning they don't get stuck and Im not running to the bathroom. So nervous to go back to work... I know they will notice my weight loss but they'll all say "how'd you do it?" since they don't know I'll have to tell them "portion control and exercise", which is true, so Im not lying. I wish I could have done a little better this summer with losing the weight... but I think Im losing slowly but surely... as long as its coming off I don't mind so much that it takes a little longer. Im trying to realize that everyone loses the weight at different rates. Going back to work should be interesting... more than anything its hard being in front of 140 students all week... SCARY! why the heck am I afraid of KIDS!? Idk... I need confidence! grrr not at the point yet I guess. I still feel HUGE! Sept 13th will be 6 months since surgery...so far lost about 40lbs give or take 2 lbs... lol I go for a fill on Oct 2nd, I gotta make sure I lose at least another 10lbs by the time the appointment... well at least try to anyway! This will be a busy week, month, year... Work- 8-3 monday-friday School- 4-7 tuesday-thursday, saturday (8-5) Gym- monday, wednesday, sunday... So for all of you out there starting work, or school I hope this kicks your weight loss up a few notches! GOOD LUCK!