BethFromVA

Shee-it... Well if I'dda knowd that, I would have done it too and had it tightened. Hubby's been complaning about the extra room up there. And it makes all those "farty" sounds when we... well... it makes the dogs start crying.

Depends on how fat you start out. I tell people I have tapeworm. Stops the questions short, and they don't bother me anymore.

I got a special hand crank.

I thought it was a dingo, you ditz. Make up your mind.

Wait a few months. Obama will pay for it. Unless you're old. Or ugly. Then you're useless to society.

Here, start with a mini: for sale

Don't you know, stoopid, white makes you look FAT! Your band shoulda been black. *tsk* :confused:

Who the hell YOU talkin' to, you knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, splooge licking bottle squatter??

Who the hell doesn't like ice cream?? What kind of fattie are you anyway? I think it's time for you to turn over your membership card and decoder ring, you poser.

Don't forget cake batter. Good mushie.

If it was diet, you're good. PBing is Projectile Bitching. It can be done anywhere but is recommended that it be directed at spouses, children, and most certainly bosses. By the way, sliming involves a donkey. I don't think you're ready. But if you have a Great Dane or other large dog, you can practice.

Well, and donkeys. Don't forget the donkeys. Plus, they really love you after. Just make sure they poo BEFOREhand. Don't ask. :confused:

You sure? Okay, I'll take that as gospel. I mean, it's like 10,000 pesos ($1.98 American), and I have to pay my drug dealer.

Okay well, do I at least get a cut? Cuz otherwise I'ma sendin' my crazy mama and bro wit da piece in his waistband to come talk to you.

Yes, hon, it's because you're fat. The good news is, if you're neurotic and cry a lot, they might consider casting you for the next "More To Love" season that's coming up. However, don't even try it if you're ugly or have not cleavage. Or baggage. Baggage makes good TV, you know. If you use the band, you MUST ignore ALL doctor's orders, eat whatever the hell you want the hour you get home from surgery, and sex can only be accomplished in the backwards missionary leg tuck plie position.

Better ask Patty Green that one. I'm lost.

Well, yeah, especially when they thought I yacked up a rat!

Well, then I don't need the donkey to do his "plunger action," do I? Or are you saying it will help him shove down the chicken while not getting himself "stuck" in my band? I mean, could you imagine me having to go into KC's emergency room AGAIN with that problem? Shoot, the first time was embarassin' enough.

Okay, wait... NOT wanting to get pregnant -- ESPECIALLY if my kid will be half ass-- er, donkey. I mean, could you imagine the questions at the local PTA??

What if I just swallow straight everclear? Heck, may even be able to hold it in my mouth "during," but does it burn the donkey? Don't need him getting all kicky and stuff... I don't have that many teeth left.

Oh gawd, fur balls and the band. I had to quit licking my kitty for that very reason. Now he pisses on all my stuff cuz he really misses it, but I just couldn't take the heaving and hair clumps. Had a few episodes at the mall that I just can't talk about.

Okay, wait... you talkin' donkey "fills" or band fills? Cuz hey, if he can push my chicken strips down, I'll be a happy buck-toothed camper.

Crap, I was afraid of that. What if I swallow some spermicide first?

Raspberry flavored and moonshine spiked or not? Straight pickled possum can be a bit... gamey.

Hmmm... okay but do the dirty donkey shows get me more dinero? It might be worth it. I have some disinfectant spray I can use beforehand.